As we near the end of 2008, we figured it's time to take a look back at some of the most memorable characters in Age of Conan Hyborian Adventures (AoC). Therefore, we have put together a top ten list of some of the most memorable NPCs of the past year. We hope you enjoy this comical look back at AoC as we make our way into the new year.

 

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10. Lord Atum-Keket
Lord Atum-Keket is probably one of the more memorable bosses you will face in the early stages of your Hyborian adventures. This fat, bloated, greasy mouth, twelve sandwich eating bastage is found in the Pyramid of the Ancients. He will string you along the dungeon forcing you to find a bunch of shiny balls (arguably because years of imprisonment has corroded his own) before you can face him. When you do finally breach the door impeding your path to this chunky skirt wearing boss, he will bore you with slow yapping dialogue before finally attacking with smelly body odor.

 

 

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9. Cock Handler
There really isn't a lot funny about this guy aside from his name, but if you paid any amount of attention to the forums at launch or during beta, you probably know this fellow was a huge favorite of the community for his name alone. Having a name like 'Cock Handler' brought out the immature side of everyone that saw it as they giggled with glee. We all know his name was given to him for the fact that he is a chicken wrangler, which only makes it funnier, but what do you expect from a bunch of gamers that enjoy severing heads and watching animated breasts jiggle about the land. We keep our minds in the gutter and we like it there. Seriously though, we just have a good sense of humor and this guy gave us all the ammo we needed to load our immature joke cannons for another shot.

 

 

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8. Delia
Few people in Hyboria can make you hate them as much as Delia. This evil wench specializes in tormenting the populace of Tortage and causing you a massive headache. She has a face like a hound dog and looks like she sucked for hours on a super lemon. Aside from that, she's pretty darn ugly. Her constant nagery and antagonizing of you keeps building with every encounter, making the beating you finally get to give her during the last part of the Tortage Destiny Quest a very gratifying moment in your adventures. Very little in Tortage is as rewarding as finally meeting Delia in battle and stomping a mud hole in this wench and walking it dry.

 

 

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7. Skudd
Skudd is a recent addition to the AoC world that came with the Ymir's Pass update. This oversized Cimmerian loves to fight and you will actually be given a quest to let him join battle one more time. What follows is a quest where you have to safeguard this knucklehead as he tries to attack any and everything you come across. The end result has Skudd going into a killing frenzy, leaving you on your own as he runs off flailing wildly into the wilderness. You later find this big lummox back at the camp recovering from his blackout episode, waking up with someone's gnawed off arm in his mouth. To make matters worse (or funnier), this oaf gives you the gnawed up arm of his latest victim as a reward. The sad part, it's a decent weapon for that level.

 

 

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6. Sancha
Who wasn't amused the first time they met Sancha, the head Mistress of the local brothel in Tortage known as the Bearded Clam. The name of this establishment alone was enough to give us all a good laugh. It was almost as comical as our good friend the Cock Handler. Which to be honest, might be an appropriate name for someone working in this profession. Could I be any more perverse you ask? Stay with me and I'll show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

 

 

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5. Strom

They say you never forget your first, and Strom was your first big bad guy. At the end of your Destiny Quest in Tortage, you faced off against this evil man who has returned to life through the power of the Mark of Acherone. It was a gratifying feeling to finally pummel this nut job, and then you made an alt and did it again and again and again. After playing through Tortage a few times you will almost be ready to join Strom and help him burn that accursed city down yourself. Still, Strom earns honors as one of our top ten for the simple fact he is your first big name boss.

 

 

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4. Fabio and Precious
I'm sure most players thought as I did when they first saw this guy and that was , "I can't believe it's not butter." Needless to say, this character was obviously designed after the real Fabio and almost seems to be just as big a tool as he was. However, the climax to this guys supreme sissy factor quickly became apparent when he asks you to rescue his one true love, his one, his own, his Preciousssssss. After running through half of Aquilonia to get what was needed for the safe return of his Precious, he ends up sending you on a rescue mission because he botched up his payment plan. During the daring rescue you discover the identity of Precious and that the woman you have been sent to save is not a woman at all, but rather a cute little puppy.

 

 

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3. Drunken Pirate (Tortage)
Few sights in AoC will make you laugh as hard as the first time you're minding your own business on the Tortage Harbor docks and all of a sudden this drunken pirate staggers up beside you. Without so much as a warning he whips out "Captain Winky" and out comes a yellow stream of drunken goodness. It's a short, but rather comical experience. It might also be important to note that if you were taking a swim in the Harbor recently and noticed a change in water temperature, it probably wasn't because of the weather.

 

 

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2. Zhu-khang the Gold Seller

Anyone that has spent any decent amount of time in an MMORPG has inevitably gotten their share of gold seller spam and tells. Some creative soul at Funcom decided to have some fun with this annoying little aspect of our gaming world. Thus Zhu-khang the Gold Seller was born. This comical little man, who doesn't speak English very well, is the embodiment of all those annoying spammers in our beloved games. He makes those same kind of crazy offers like you give me your money for my money. And like in real life, there is someone along this guys quest line just stupid enough to buy it. Zhu-khang doesn't work alone though, he has his own sweatshop style labor in a poor soul known as Little Farmer.

 

 

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1. Thoth Amon
What better way to end things than with the resident bad guy of Hyboria. Thoth Amon has been tormenting players since they crash landed on the shores of Tortage. Unfortunately, the battle leading up to the climax with Thoth Amon is like a bad sexual experience. There is a lot of talk and teasing leading up to the big moment, but when you get there nothing really happens. You don't even get a chance to suffer from premature attackulation (That's my word, I made it up!). As you fight through the game and pursue this elusive wizard, you will come close to facing him time and time again. When you reach level 80, and finally do the last destiny quest, you will enter the instance ready to give this guy 80 grind levels worth of beating. However, he will once again escape your vengeful grasp, denying you that climactic satisfaction again. I guess we'll have to wait for the next chapter in the Destiny Quest to find out if Funcom will give us that satisfying moment.

 

It's been a fun year in retrospect and we hope you enjoyed this little look back at some of our favorite characters from AoC. It should be interesting to see what kind of new characters are added to the game by this time next year. Maybe then we can do this again. I hope you enjoyed reading this little piece as much as I enjoyed writing it.

 


To read the latest guides, news, and features you can visit our Age of Conan: Unchained Game Page.

Last Updated: Mar 29, 2016

About The Author

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Stacy "Martuk" Jones was a long-time news editor and community manager for many of our previous game sites, such as Age of Conan. Stacy has since moved on to become a masked super hero, battling demons in another dimension.

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