Oil super-tankers, luxury liners, cruise ships; it simply wasn't enough
for Somali pirates who have taken their brand of high seas larceny from
the Gulf of Aden to Azeroth's own Booty Bay. 



The move from real world to virtual one was not
easy.   If not for
the likes of Baron Longshore, a digital character in Blizzard
Entertainment's World
of Warcraft
computer game it simply would not
have been possible.    Longshore and his
cronies, the Southsea
Freebooters have been a thorn in the side of World of Warcraft (WoW)
players for over four years.  



"I think the Baron is a cylon," said Cornelius Peevers, a long time
WoW player.  "He was created by man.  He rebelled. He
evolved.  There
are many copies and he has a plan.  It's scary.  I
mean, what if a
cylon is alive inside of World
of Warcraft
?  He could lead
those Somali
pirates and really mess players up, but then again, maybe there would
be some hot cylon chicks so it's not all bad.  Have at it I
say."

 

style="margin: 10px; border-collapse: collapse; float: right; width: 200px;"
border="1">

href="http://www.tentonhammer.com/node/61389"> src="/image/view/61389/preview"
style="border: 2px solid ; width: 200px;">

Yarr! I'll
grab me some booty!

Though
many thought it impossible, Longshore seems to have found a way to
allow the Somali warlords to enter the virtual
world.    The previously
annoying trip by boat between Ratchet and Booty Bay has been turned
into a virtual nightmare for many players who are having not only their
gear, but their gold stolen as they attempt to make the short
trip.  



"You would think that they (Blizzard) would change the route that
the boat takes, but no, same route every time," said one player who
wished to remain anonymous.  "It ridiculous. My only fun in
the game
was taking my level 80 character to Crossroads where I would kill level
15 Horde players.   Now I can't do
that.   I want my money back.  These
pirates have ruined the way that the game should be played."



Blizzard refused to comment officially on the problem, but two
employees agreed to chat if we agreed to disguise their names.



Ten Ton style="font-weight: bold;" class="nfakPe">Turnip style="font-weight: bold;">: 
The answer seems simple.  You control the game
servers.  Can't you just delete the pirates?



Keff Japlan (Blizzard)
We tried that.  Nothing we
do erases them
permanently.  They're multiplying faster than Oprah indorsed
products
at a feminism convention.



Com Thilton (Blizzard):
We can't
even remove Baron Longshore, but that didn't surprise us.  We
had known
for some time that he had become sentient.   I mean,
what other
character can exist in multiple places in Azeroth at once? The cylon
theory holds some weight. 



Ten Ton style="font-weight: bold;" class="nfakPe">Turnip style="font-weight: bold;">: 
You can't be
serious.   Is this just some marketing ploy to play
upon current events
and popular culture?   Somali pirates and cylons
working together is a
bit far-fetched wouldn't you say?



Keff Japlan (Blizzard)
No
more far-fetched than millions of people paying to pretend that they
are half-human / half-cow is it?   Mooooo.



Com Thilton (Blizzard)
I love it when he does that mooo
thing. 



Other
companies have reluctantly come to Blizzard's aid fearing that their
game would be the next target.   Sony Online
Entertainment sent naval
warships from each of their game servers to Booty Bay days
ago.   Both
vessels are due to arrive in time for the 2009 holiday
season.    A
battleship from The Matrix Online was forced to remain at home due to
lack of crew.   Players sank the S style="font-style: italic;">tar Wars Galaxies
Carrier, the NGE in
its homeport before it could depart.



Funcom, developers of Age
of Conan
in cooperation with Mythic
Entertainment, the developers of Warhammer
Online
have promised to
bring a jointly developed war vessel named "Get to da Choppa" into the
fray.  At this point there are no known incursions of pirates
into
either of these titles though there are concerns that Mythics CEO, Mark
Jacobs is himself a cylon.  



U.S. Navy efforts to create a virtual safe-zone within Booty Bay
have been hampered by Green Peace vessels created by Second Life
users.   These hulking, fur covered, penis shaped
vessels named Moby
Dick I and Moby Dick II have impeded Navy vessels as they attempted to
thwart the pirate incursion.   PETA, People for the
Ethical Treatment
of Animals have setup protests on the Ratchet and Booty Bay docks to
voice their disapproval of the use of the name Moby Dick by Green
Peace.  Their chants of "We're the dicks!" can be heard across
the
entire coastline. 



Ten Ton Turnip will
provide more breaking news on this story as it develops.


To read the latest guides, news, and features you can visit our World of Warcraft Game Page.

Last Updated: Mar 29, 2016

About The Author

Hoskin 0
Dissecting and distilling the game industry since 1994. Lover of family time, youth hockey, eSports, and the game industry in general.

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