The World Cup begins today. Huzzah!!!
[24 Hours Ago (give or take when you read this...let's just call it yesterday shall we?)]
This edition of Loading... comes to you via "VIA" the passenger railway company of choice; because it's the only choice, in Ontario, Canada. It's like travelling through time on a cart with one square wheel being pulled by a near-sighted, three-legged goat suffering from African sleeping disease.
Ah, the relaxing clickity clack of steel wheels on steel rails. I love travel like I love a good kick in the crotch. Today is no different from any other travel day. It starts out on par for the course.
I walk down the aisle of the train to my assigned seat, the seat I paid for, to find it filled with a laptop, newspapers and wait for it... a bag of garbage. As I point to the seat and begin to tell the "gentleman" sitting next to it that I need him to move his refuse to a receptable he barks at me that there are "lots of empty seats". I'm inclined to tell him to pick one out and sit his obnoxious arse down in it, but I don't want to make a scene. I've only been on the train for 30 seconds. I will undoubtedly look like the jerk.
I drag my luggage down the aisle and find a seat. The two-hour tour aboard the good ship bounce-you-all-over-the-known-universe begins. I'm guessing that there must be some law that trains can't have shock absorbers. It must be an old law; pre-laptop and keyboard, because trying to type while the notebook bounces around like Anna Nicole Smith at a widowers' convention.
We don't have the technology to keep my insides from banging together, but we can put Wi-Fi on a train. I'm amazed, stunned and appalled, all the while doing my best Super Mario impression. If only I could bounce a little higher I know I could get gold coins to come out of the luggage compartment over my head.
Methost (I believe he is also known as the "freshmaker") commented yesterday that I write too much about World of Warcraft. He suggested Hello Kitty Online could perhaps make for an interesting column. I'm convinced that this is just Da Vinci-like code for some adult type MMO. I'll do my research and get back to you. In the meantime, wish me luck, or at least wish me luck yesterday as I bounce my way to a meeting in Toronto.
Keifer Sutherland was not harmed in the writing of this column.
Make your mark. Mark your territory. Post a comment. If you are shy you can E-Mail me. If you are reading this via our newsletter then you need only to click here to be magically whisked away to the land of milk and comments.
Looking for a place that your guild can call home that doesn't run gold ads? Look no further than GuildPortal.com.
Exclusive new TenTonHammer.com Content!
Let us entertain you or at the very least waste some of your time at work.
- Interview with Fury Lead Developer, Adam Carpenter "The competion-oriented yet cranial Fury was one of the more interesting titles we saw at E3 2006, and we wanted to know more! Lead Developer Adam Carpenter was kind enough to talk to Ten Ton Hammer about the competive nature of Fury, showing how the game's fast pace involves more brain work than twitchy muscle memory. "
- Interview with Pirates of the Burning Sea Producer, John Tynes "Burning Sea Producer John Tynes gets us lubbers ready to hand, reef, and steer as the game begins to emerge from the internal beta mist. Tynes spoke with our very own John "Boomjack" Hoskin about a variety of seaworthy topics in what turned out to be a very entertaining and informative interview. Sadly, our most pressing question wasn't asked: how do you sail a wooden ship on a burning sea? Maybe next time. "
Gnomish Teleporters - Coyote "
Move over Jeff Goldblum, there's a new mad scientist in town! Krunnk's latest foray into the world of reporting has him upsetting the very balance of nature and using teleporters in ways never intended. Scotty would never have approved! "
- EverQuest 2: Dwarven Racial Quest Guide "Aye so ya be wantin' ta be a dwarf eh? Well don't be thinkin ya can just waltz in cause we be a hard workin' folk who like our ale an' be comfy in pink pants. Now ye best be followin me goyd to de letter. "
Vin Diesel Fact of the Day - Vin Diesel is allowed to use his hands at any time in a soccer match.
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
- Astronomers Find Galactic Highway 14 neutron stars stand around watching a red dwarf work.
- Bald Eagles Removed From Threatened ListKFC unveils the patriot bucket.
- Cool Eye TrickRacism meets it's match with a cool eye trick that knows no colour.
As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin