Welcome to the 38th edition of Reloading...


The only thing I hate more than the sun are all the idiots who still think it’s like 1995 or something. You know the people... the one’s who are so amazed that you were able to pull out your phone and look up the store hours of some place you were considering to visit? The one’s who refuse to let go of their archaic technologies and join the 21st century! I think we should round them all up and force them to live in caves!

I’m kind of a big jerk about it too. For example, if I go to a place and they cannot accept credit cards, I will ask them, “Um... isn’t this 2011?” If you see someone with a CRT monitor, ask them... “Um... isn’t it 2011?”. A police officer once gave me a ticket on carbon paper (lol). I asked him why he can’t just email it to me. After he gave me a dirty look I replied, “oh... my bad... you see... I thought this was 2011, and not 1989...”. I don’t think he was really impressed.


Let me give you a few examples of things that enrage me....


Windows XP. LET IT DIE PEOPLE! Just because your 8-year old printer doesn’t work with Windows 7 is no reason to live in the dark ages. The hellscape of Windows XP is the spawning ground for the largest demonic force ever unleashed upon the earth. The-Browser-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named. (I’ll give you a clue, it has an I, an E, and a 6 in it)


Oh that reminds me... Internet Explorer! If you don’t have Firefox or Chrome, you’re parents should be shot. They clearly failed in their duties as parents, and unleashed a drooling, mouth-breathing retard into the world. Using IE to view the Internet is like spending 6 hours making butter by hand in an old-fashion butter churner, only to take piss in it once you’re done.


Beta-Max, VHS, and DvDs. This is also one of the worst... Blu-ray has been officially available for 5 years now. An ex-friend of mine once came to visit and he brought a DvD of Avatar over. I have an 82” television with Dolby 5.1 Surround. Watching a DVD on my set is a down right insult. Needless to say, even if they ever find my ex-friend, Tom, they won’t be able to recognize what’s left of him as a body.


Finally... People who make Homestar Runner references. *coughboomjackcough* Homestar runner is like 50 years old now. It’s time to move on. And just because I’m part Mexican and look damn sexy in my Lucha Libre mask is no reason to call me Strongbad! I mean.. that would be like me claiming that you remind me of this buck-tooth, cross-eyed, red-neck, racist representation of a Canadian on the back of the Captain Crunch box, just because you’re from Canada.


There are million more examples, but I’m sure you’re not ready to read my book yet. What are some of your favorite examples of people refusing to live in the present?


-- Kevin “Arxkanite” Floodjumper
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 © 2011 Ten Ton Hammer  

Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016

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