Five More MMO Lifehacks

By David Piner -
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I was going to write about depression and gaming, but I reached 2,500 words and decided you know what let’s make that a series. Maybe we will kick that off this week and all next week can be about it or something like that. For now, let’s get NotXerin in here to do another five awesome MMO VIDEO GAME LIFEHACKS.

NUMBER FIVE: SODA BONAZA

DID YA KNOW that you can buy soda in multiple sizes ranging from cans to 2-liters and did you know that you can okay take like a large kitchen trashcan and sort of put it beside your table, now when you drink cans you can just sort of throw them away in this super convenient trash can beside your table.

These amazing facts probably have blown your mind but we’re not done with our crazy lifehacks.

NUMBER FOUR: GabeN DOESN’T HAVE TO TAKE YOUR MONEY (well not really but you can try)

Listen okay Gabe’s men are after me but let me tell you something Steam games are always on sale so you don’t have to buy in during the seasonal sales, you can just cool it and lay low and then buy games as you want to play them.

This amazing lifehack is INSANE and that’s why I’m on the run but listen, okay, this is just wow your wallet will be so thick with cash you’ll be surprised if you just say no to the seasonal sales.

It’s hard, seeing Gabe not have your money. I don’t know how to do it. I really don’t. It’s so hard. You just want to make it rain for him, but listen, if you can resist, you’ll not have a negative account balance and games you’ll never play.

Interestingly enough, if you ONLY buy games you want to play, even at non-sale prices, you’ll have more money and more fun at the end of it because you won’t be broke buying fourteen copies of Trine because the seasonal sale is going on. It also sucks waiting like months for a seasonal sale to buy something you want to play because honestly in that wait period, you probably will not want to play it when its finally on sale.

NUMBER 3 - MMO HOME COOKS

Listen I know you’re gaming and raiding and this song comes on and it’s like eat sleep rave repeat and you’re like well I don’t rave, but I raid, so lol wouldn’t it be funny if it was eat sleep raid repeat but then you realize you do a little bit of sleep and not a lot of eat.

Well I got some solutions for you. You can have a gourmet meal at home for almost no money and also make it while raiding. Alright, first of all, spaghetti noodles take eight minutes to cook. So before the first pull, put a pot of water on the stove to boil. Now, it can sit for however long, as long as water is in the pot. So say thirty minutes later, you can return, make sure the water is salted and put the spaghetti in. JUST MAKE SURE there is a lot of water in the pot when you begin if you’re going to let it sit through an attempt or two while it boils.

Now you sort of kind of have to stir it here a few times, but let’s say you’ve got to get a portal going during this wipe and you’ve got a few more minutes. Turn the heat down from mid-high to mid, or high to mid-high depending on your range. After the spaghetti is done boiling, if you don’t give a care if it’s not al dente, you can just leave it in the pot and wait until the next wipe, whatever. Maybe run up and turn it off or something. Just be sure to drain it. For me I can during an attempt drain pasta by just pouring the pot into the sink and sitting back down and dealing with it when we wipe.

As a quick aside, that spaghetti up there I got off of Wikipedia has too much sauce on it for my taste. If you drown the spaghetti in sauce, you loose this critical balance between the starch from the noodles and the acidity and sweetness from the sauce. American jarred spaghetti sauce often has a lot of sugar, so you're generally trying to fight the "bad" tastes of the jarred sauce. When you don't use very much, it's easier to enhance the flavor with salt, pepper, seasonings, etc. while also keeping this nice balance of flavors. Anyway.

Now take your bottle of spaghetti sauce. Whatever you want to eat with. Pay the extra dollar for something that’s not the most generic bottle since eh whatever it tastes terrible to me. Now drain the noodles and put a LITTLE BIT of the sauce to coat the noodles. Bam you have a fancy Italian plate of spaghetti from some downtown fancy pants shop that you put together between wipes. The trick is just a little bit of sauce. Maybe add in some cayenne or some chili flakes and bam, even fancier.

Now sit at your computer and feast. If you want to go super fancy, shred some Parmesan on top or just get that bottle of Kraft fake Parmesan cheese.

For a Canadian version, obtain a box of Kraft Dinner. Set the water to boil, then add the noodles and let it boil for however long it takes to wipe again. Then drain, add butter, milk, and the cheese packet. Voila.

NUMBER TWO O_o DELIVERY

If number three is too hard, call up a pizza or chinese or sandwich or whatever delivery and have them deliver. When you hear the knock on the door, wipe your raid to get your food. It’s okay, they were going to wipe anyway.

Number ONE BEST LIFEHACK - Buy Actual MMO Peripherals

Seriously, don’t use your Dell default keyboard with media keys to game with. Buy a serious gamers keyboard and mouse. Seriously. Get like a Naga and some kind of keyboard that has some buttons you think you might use. Your life will get so much better so fast when you’re not struggling to bind stuff to ctrl-shift-f7 and having to hit that at least five times a minute.

Well that’s all of the amazing Respawn Lifehacks for this week or month or day or whatever timeframe we’re using to space the awesome Respawn Lifehacks out. If you have your own MMO Lifehack, leave it in the comments section below.

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About The Author

David "Xerin" Piner
Get in the bush with Xerin every week for his column, Respawn, as he analyzes the hottest trends, buzz topics, and absurdities in MMO gaming. In addition to his ongoing war against early access titles.

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