A Goat's Imagined MMOG
Even before Goat MMO Simulator came out, I've spent what's probably far too long to imagine what Goat Simulator would be like as an MMO. Before I began working at Ten Ton Hammer and far before I had my very own column to babble on about how this could happen, I've thought about writing this for awhile. Since last week's column was a bit heavy, I wanted to have something that wouldn't be so mentally taxing to write about this week. Let's talk about how Goat Simulator could really be an MMO, even if Coffee Stain said it will probably never happen.
Naturally, when Goat MMO Simulator came out, I was beyond happy. I'll admit, I fell for it. I actually thought that Coffee Stain had gone against their word and made a Goat Simulator MMO that no one thought they'd actually pull off. When I realized it was a carefully worded troll, I was a bit sad that it wasn't actually an MMO, but rather an MMO simulator. After I got over my initial disappointment, I realized the brilliance of it. I also found out that I wasn't the only person who had fallen for the troll. I enjoyed it for a few hours and then went back to my daydreams of a real Goat Simulator MMO.
The Goat MMO
Of course I first imagined Goat Simulator as an MMO and how it would function. I think Coffee Stain did a pretty good job of imagining how this would work. In the Simulator, they have several classes (microwave??), each with their own quirky abilities. Depending on what class you play, your keybinds do different things. For a not-MMO, I think they did a pretty fantastic job. My vision goes beyond this, though, to wondering how it would work for groups, raids and PvP. Tearing up the land as a goat is already possible, but what would raid bosses look like? I'd imagine the world would need to have open world raid bosses, too. PvP battle fields could truly be something, with armored goats running around and headbutting one another.
Speaking of armor, I'd love to have your goat avatar (goatatar?) start out in scraps and then eventually become covered in this huge plated gear. Something grandiose, like World of Warcraft shoulders on a goat. I think this could be hilarious and awesome. Hilarious is necessary, since Goat Simulator itself is built on a strong foundation of hilarity. Bugs that aren't game breaking, but hilarious, stay in the game. I love this strategy, because it adds a good layer of humor that can change the dynamic of the game. If it's broken in a way that doesn't negatively impact your gameplay, why fix it?
The Goat MOBA
As much as I'd love to see a pure goat MMO that involves goat raids (you're going down, World Boss Sheep) with goat on goat PvP and goaty dungeons that have goat-themed obstacles to overcome, I think a full-goat MOBA is the best possible way to put some massively multiplayer up in Goat Simulator. In game of 4v4 goat on goat, Goat Simulator as either a battle arena in the vain of Team Fortress 2 or as a typical DOTA clone laning game. In my mind, nothing beats the thought of a full on brawl of sheer goatiness as goat team play. MOBAs aren't my bag at all, because I'm not a very competitive person, so competitive play isn't always appealing to me. However, in my mind, a real Goat Simulator MMOG would be far better as a MOBA in my mind. There's something so intrinsically competitive about goats themselves, that goat on goat brawling, in my opinion, is the best possible answer.
My personal preference (well, this is my article, so why should I stop yet?) would be a Team Fortress 2 sort of game, where Team Red Goat takes on Team Blu Goat to see who can get that mining cart to where it belongs and who can keep that mining cart from its final destination. But, you know, far goatier than some stylized mining area. The classes that Coffee Stain have created for Goat MMO Simulator, in addition to all of the extra goats you can get in the base game, this could lead to some great creativity. And, I guess, if you are into rebuilding yourself every new game, then a Goat Dota Simulator could be the thing. Actually, if it were Goat Dota Simulator, and not a Goat Simulator Dota or League of Legends clone, I'd probably tinker around in that game occasionally.
That's all I have. A goat's wish for a goat multiplayer game. Would you prefer a goat MMO or a goat MOBA? These are my closing thoughts for the year. From this goat to the rest of you, I wish you a joyous and prosperous New Year!