MMO news, guides, reviews, features, interviews and more at Ten Ton Hammer

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I hope everyone had a weekend filled with holiday cheer. I enjoyed my vehicle's engine roasting on an open fire....Jack Frost nipping at my nose, while I sat on the largest highway in the country. It's a good thing my wife and kids could be tricked into coming to rescue me or I might still be there.
It's so cold here today that the brass monkeys all came inside. Even the snowmen are asking for warmer weather.
In the good news department, Vanguard Beta 2 has been announced, the holiday quests and cheer have been added to World of Warcraft and the Auto Assault site has been updated with a tractor trailer load of information.
From the "you have to be kidding me" department. We have a company here called M and M Meats. What they really are is a company that sells all kinds of assorted ready to heat foods for people too lazy to actually cook themselves. Their advertisement came today and they now offer grilled cheese sandwiches pre-made. Just heat and serve. Who on this planet needs a pre-made grilled cheese sandwich? What's next....pre-boiled water. Will these guys eat the food for you too?
MMOG Quote of the Day: Tell - "A private message which, the instant it is sent, magically transforms itself into a "Mistel"" - Neddie Seagoon
If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
TenTon Comics: Dating service miscue? You decide in today's comic. You can view it "Right Here".
EQ2's finer points, underground Vanguard and the basics of Guild Wars are yours for the taking on the network today.
Here's what's new on the network!

• Why Not WoW? - What Does EQ2 Still Do Better Than Other MMOs?
• Vanguard: Delightfully Dangerous Deep Dark Dungeon Delving - Dynamic!
• Guild Wars: Basics - Terms of PvP.
• Vanguard: Warriors Skills List - Notably absent: beer swilling
• EQ2: Boss Spotlight - Bloodtalon
• Auto Assault: Win an AA Print! - Name that vehicle..."Boomjackalope" perhaps?
• DDO: Newbs Guide to Forging Friendships - I go afk on raids...does that work?
• Vanguard: Large as Life - An Interview with Piro.
• WoW: Leatherworking Guide - You asked. We delivered.

Monday Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel knows the caramilk secret.

Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

• World At Its Hottest Since Prehistory, Say Scientists
  
  Internet adult entertainment industry takes full credit.
  
• Jags Make Bad Snowplows
  
  Investigative journalism at its best.
  
• Sheep Explode and Eggs Scramble in Road Crash
  
  Baaaaaa Bowl breakfasts only $1.99 at Dennys today!
• Baseball Caps Banned in Internet Cafes
  
  Ballcap beatings drop dramatically.
• Organic Water For Sale
  
  Free range water will be ready in another six months.
• Animal Rights Activists Against Bacon
  
  Eventually you will be only be allowed to eat dirt, but only after asking it nicely.
  
  

As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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-13 degree Celcius temperatures didn't stop our family from using what little daylight there is between school-end and nightfall to build a hockey rink in our yard. On the handy-man scale I rank pretty low, but with the help of the kids we got it up and ready to go. If only they could create a MMOG that somehow included hockey I think Canadians would jump in, skates first.
MMOG Quote of the Day: Corpse - "Your retrievable carcass. The lifeless physical reminder of abject defeat always located in the most remote, dangerous and inaccessible location possible. The seductive invitation to produce yet another corpse.



Also, the inevitable conclusion to any pick-up group. " - Boomjack
If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
TenTon Comics: Today we bring you a bovine punchline. You can view it "Right Here".
Win a contest, make friends and let us guide you in our new content today.
Here's what's new on the network!

• Auto Assault: Win an AA Print! - Name that vehicle..."Boomjackalope" perhaps?
• DDO: Newbs Guide to Forging Friendships - I go afk on raids...does that work?
• Vanguard: Large as Life - An Interview with Piro.
• WoW: Leatherworking Guide - You asked. We delivered.
• EVE: Complex Guide - But not a complex complex guide.
• Auto Assault: Happy Hour Interview - Meet the devs.
• EQ2: Weapon Basics - Let the beatings begin.
• Vanguard: Age of the Warrior - Long-sung heroes get their day in the sun.
• Guild Wars: Arena Build - Healing Monk - David Carradine need not apply.

Thursday Vin Diesel Fact: If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Vin Diesel
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

• Man Found With Pitchfork in His Head
  
  Bail of hay in custody for questioning.
  
• Mystery Pink Spots in Bromall, Pa.
  
  Alien messages or bird poop?
  
• Shopping Cart Rage
  
  'Tis the season to be jolly.
• Amish Man Caught in Sex Scam
  
  Brings a whole new meaning to churning the butter.
• Police Dog Named in Lawsuit
  
  Canine's lawyers expect ruff trial.
• Chinese Beat Up Nuns
  
  This time the beatings are 100% tank-free!
  
  

As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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MMOG Quote of the Day: Guild - "A society of like minded players passionately devoted to the worthy common cause of having a silly name appear on the top of their heads." - Neddie Seagoon
If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
TenTon Comics: We took Slide's picture and gave it a new caption. We need your screenshots and/or your captions! You can view it "Right Here".
Gratification, tombstones and ownage, female style are the topics of the day.
Here's what's new on the network!

• EQ2: Instance Gratification - Where is the contest in contested mobs?
• EQ2: Holiday Spirit - Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow.
• Vanguard: What do you want on your tombstone? - The good old days of corpse retrieval.
• That Little Girl Just Owned You In Halo!
• EVE Hits 18k Online! - 9k are mining and 9k are ganking the miners.
• A Tale of Two Players #10 - A veteran's view of guilds.
• Choose Your Weapon. - The weapon system in WoW explained.

Tuesday Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel did it in the conservatory with a pipe wrench. .
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

• Majority Support Torture [Thanks Darren]
  Which explains the return of Furby toys everywhere.
• Smutty Gift Paper Given To Family at Potter Movie - [Thanks Darren]
  Bringing a whole new meaning to "wrapping your present."
• Mice Created With Human Brain Cells
  Will run for government in a city near you.
• Most Popular Toys of the Last 100 Years
  Notably absent, Mr. Tomato Head.
• Court Rules Diapers For Horses Are Cruel
  Nailing them on like horseshoes likely the reason.

As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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MMOG Quote of the Day: AE - "short for “area effect”. Spell guaranteed to attract ravenous, blood thirsting mobs from every point on the compass faster than the All You Can Eat Buffet at an Anna Nicole Smith look-a-like contest. Usually the spell that a mage casts, before running in circles yelling, "Get them off me! Get them off me!", and commenting on the poor playing ability of the other players in the group to hold aggro.
Also, the mesmerizing ability of naked female characters being played by men to draw a crowd of gawking onlookers. " - Boomjack
If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
TenTon Comics: SLIDE's first comic has hit the InterWeb. Curious? You can view it "Right Here".
What's it like to be a MMO player who works in the military? Ever wondered what a custom Hobbit looks like? These questions and many more are answered today at TenTonHammer.com.
Here's what's new on the network!

• Vanguard: A Military Man's Guide to MMOs - At ease soldier.
• LotRO: Lore and Character Customization - A Tasty Combination
• EQ2: Warden's Guide Updated - The inmates are restless.
• WoW Cheaters Revealed - Detect Lesser Cheating spell has been cast.
• Detour - An Interview with the Auto Assault Team!
• A New LotRO Community Manager - A big welcome to Shayalyn.
• The Vanguardian - Issue #1 is out! - Congratulations Raya.
• More WoW U.I. Mods Added - Fix up your tired interface.
• EQ2 Mystics Guide - Is your mystic lost? Get the guide.
• DDO: Does DDO's Brand Name Matter? - It's better than Fields and Hamsters Online.
• DDO: Nothing New Under The Sun - Has it all been done before?
• Vanguard: When Knighthood Was In Bloom - The dragon is here...get the bloomin' knights!

Friday Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel is the only person to have gone up Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

• Great Lakes Near Ecological Breakdown
  
  On the bright side you can now drive from Toronto to Rochester beside the ferry.
  
  
• Attention Whore Iran Questions Holocaust
  
  From the they'd-make-a-great-parking-lot department.
  
• It's a Wonderful Life - In 30 Seconds - Re-enacted by Bunnies
  
  When a bell rings, a bunny acts.
• Fez To Become Ponch
  
  If you understood that headline before reading the story you have my deepest sympathy.
• Christmas With The President's Pooches
  
  Egg Nog, Christmas carols and cameras strapped to dogs' heads.
  
  

As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin