Ten Ton Hammer Network News

Atriarch Website Updated
Atriarch programmers flogged. Details at 11:00.
The official Atriarch website has been updated letting fans know that development is taking longer than expected. Gil Grissom of CSI looked over the Atriarch development area and had this to say about the delay:

" a Recent Study conducted by NASA Scientists confirms the theory that aliens suck at estimating Earth units of time...

First things first... we totally misjudged how long it would take to finish the stuff we've been working on. A significant increase in expletives from the programmers should have clued me in a little sooner. (Next time I take whatever the programmers estimate and multiply by a thousand.) "

You can read the entire Atriarch Web Update at the Official Site.
Other Links You Might Enjoy:
- Official CSI Website
Thu, Sep 22, 2005

Boomjack
Loading... September 21, 2005
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The relocation of our servers to a stronger, faster, smarter, six-million dollar man type of facility went without many hitches. One of the few issues was with DNS propogation which meant I am sitting in a closet under an office building to get connectivity that has access to the sites. It's a cruel, cruel world.
Wednesday Vin Diesel Fact:

Vin Diesel does the voice of Peter on Family Guy.
What's new on the network.
- What Would You Change in World of Warcraft? - Boomjack - "Let Night Elves fly on their big floppy ears like Dumbo."
- What Would You Change in MMOGs? - Ralphie Tells All.
- Guild Wars: Something Different. Something More. - Making GW Even Better.
- DDO: Don't Overdo Instancing - Or DDO:DOI for short.
- Vanguard: A Grind By Any Other Name - Smells Like Day-Old Roadkill
- What We Would Change About EverQuest 2 - Well, besides getting rid of Gnomes.
What was recently recent, or what we still want you to see...you decide.
- Guild Wars: Quick Shot Rangers Build - Aragorn X5
- EQ2: Paladin Guide Update - Desert of Flames goodness added.
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
- Fraud Sinks Subway Sub Club
  
  Whatshisname, the fat guy turned thin on turkey sandwiches, unavailable for comment.
- How To Turn Your Hamster Into a Fighting Machine
  
  America's Army gets new mod.
- Volvo Makes First Car Designed For, By Women
  
  Demands dinner and a show before it will take you to the hockey game.
- Rita Becomes Category 5 Hurricane
  
  There's a reason they don't call these "His" acanes folks.
- Steve Jobs Claims Music Industry is Greedy
  
  In other news, iPods are still more expensive than any other portable music player.
- China Bans Flies From Congregating in Groups Larger Than Two.
  
  Flies poo-poo the idea. Call the ban "shitty". PETA states, "Urine trouble if we get involved on this fly rights issue."
As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
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Wed, Sep 21, 2005

Boomjack
TTH Downtime - Site Errors

DNS, more like DNFW.
We switched server locations last night and the new DNS information is still propogating out to the Net. If you are having issues reaching some of our sites then your ISP has some bad DNS information. It will clear itself up over the course of the day. We apologize for the inconvenience. Those responsible have been covered in honey and dragged by wolves through hornets' nests.

Wed, Sep 21, 2005

Boomjack
TTH Server Downtime

Server Downtime

We will be moving our servers this evening to a new facility. We expect to be down from approximately 10pm Eastern on the 20th until 8am Eastern on the 21st.
We apologize for the inconvenience. Think of it this way, you get to go level all night and check back on us in the morning!

Tue, Sep 20, 2005

Boomjack
Loading... September 20, 2005
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Tuesday and it's a slow day all around... except for content we created in-house which is still pouring in like a beer fountain at a keg party.
Friday Vin Diesel Fact:

Vin Diesel was originally cast as the star of Trailer Park Boys.
What's new on the network.
- What Would You Change in MMOGs? - Ralphie Tells All.
- Guild Wars: Something Different. Something More. - Making GW Even Better.
- DDO: Don't Overdo Instancing - Or DDO:DOI for short.
- Vanguard: A Grind By Any Other Name - Smells Like Day-Old Roadkill
- What We Would Change About EverQuest 2 - Well, besides getting rid of Gnomes.
- Guild Wars: Quick Shot Rangers Build - Aragorn X5
- EQ2: Paladin Guide Update - Desert of Flames goodness added.
What was recently recent, or what we still want you to see...you decide.
- Vanguard: Interview with Darrin McPherson - All Paladin. All The Time.
- Horizons Interview with Jason Murdick - There be dragons!
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
- Truck Full of Frozen Chicken Asplodes
  
  I guess we now know how the chicken crossed the road. The why part is still a mystery.
- New Mars Bar Decreases Cholesterol
  
  Chocolate laxative still holds title for best prank candy.
- Nigerian Who Stole Bike Has Hand Hacked Off.
  
  Somebody give him a hand, wait...you have to hand it to him... wait...
As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
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Tue, Sep 20, 2005

Boomjack
Loading... September 19, 2005
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Monday arrives, and with it...not much news quite frankly.
Grandia Online is announced. If you care, and you're not a Square Enix fanboi, raise your hand.
Friday Vin Diesel Fact:

Vin Diesel invented the Post-it Note.
What's new on the network.
- Guild Wars: Quick Shot Rangers Build - Aragorn X5
- EQ2: Paladin Guide Update - Desert of Flames goodness added.
- Vanguard: Interview with Darrin McPherson - All Paladin. All The Time.
- Horizons Interview with Jason Murdick - There be dragons!
What was recently recent, or what we still want you to see...you decide.
- EQ2: Desert of Flames Day 1 Impressions - You only get one chance to make a first impression.
- EQ2: Last Day to Win Desert of Flames
- Auto Assault: Interview with Scott Brown - A day in the life of Scorch!
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
- USB For Your Car
  
  As expected, there is no fire-wire option for MacIntosh users.
- Reggie Remains - Evacuee His New Nemesis [Thanks Michael Sun]
  
  Much like Gator the Spyware, you just can't rid of Reggie.
- Study: MIT Researchers Map Cellphone Usage
  
  Cancer, Heart Disease and Multiple Sclerosis distractions still on the backburner.
- North Korean Agrees To End Nuclear Programs
  
  Until they get the aid they want and start pointing missiles westward again.
- Arrr Matey, It's Talk Like a Pirate Day
  
  Shiver me timbers, whatever the heck that means.
- Chinese Fishing Village is Larger Than New York City
  
  If New York is the Big Apple, is this the Big Tuna?
- William Shatner Wins An Emmy
  
  No longer a "has been".
As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com. We appreciate that you stop by,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
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Mon, Sep 19, 2005

Boomjack
Grandia Online Announced

I'll take a Grandia Latte and a whole wheat biscuit please.
WorthPlaying is reporting that Square Enix is building a Grandia MMORPG. Cloud of Final Fantasy VII dropped his gigantisized sword on his toe and screamed:

" Square Enix today revealed that it is working on a new title in their Grandia franchise. Unlike previous installments the new product will be an MMORPG, bringing the series online for the very first time. "

You can read the entire Grandia Online Announcement at WorthPlaying

Mon, Sep 19, 2005

Boomjack
WoW Wanted Poster Contest
Wanted! A Winning Poster.
Blizzard is holding a World of Warcraft Wanted Poster Contest. Martha Stewart dismissed any claims that she may be on one of the posters stating:

" Greetings, fellow Azerothians. We here at the RPSA bring you news of the direst nature. Criminals, ninja-looters, and raid wipers have been showing up in increased numbers all over the world. It's time someone did something about it, and we charge you, the adventurers of Azeroth, with that task! What we need are talented artists to create Wanted posters depicting their arch nemeses, kodo thieves, two-headed ninja-looters, or any monster or character that has otherwise gotten on their last nerve. "

You can read about the World of Warcraft Wanted Poster Contest at the Official Site.
Related Links
- World of Warcraft Guides, Forums, Tips and More
- Other World of Warcraft News
Mon, Sep 19, 2005

Boomjack
Loading... September 16, 2005
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The MMOG overload is tough to take. I'd love to check out the new EverQuest expansion, but there is just no way. Between trying to download Desert of Flames for EverQuest 2. Yes, I'm still trying to get it to patch, fooling around in World of Warcraft, poking around in Horizons and clicking about in Dofus. That's a lot of goofing off, let me tell you! Have a great weekend folks!
Friday Vin Diesel Fact:

Vin Diesel has eyes in the back of his head.
What's new on the network.
- Vanguard: Interview with Darrin McPherson - All Paladin. All The Time.
- Horizons Interview with Jason Murdick - There be dragons!
- EQ2: Desert of Flames Day 1 Impressions - You only get one chance to make a first impression.
- EQ2: Last Day to Win Desert of Flames
- Auto Assault: Interview with Scott Brown - A day in the life of Scorch!
What was recently recent, or what we still want you to see...you decide.
- Griefing - World of Warcraft Style - 4 million gankers can't be wrong.
- EQ2: Templar Spell Revamp Explained - And quantified by a Halfling.
- EQ2: Illusionist Spell Revamp Explained - and written in green ink by Okooo
- Vanguard: TTH Staff Spotlight - Where the lunatics do indeed run the asylum.
- Developer Griefing - They make 'em. You break 'em.
- The New Sense of Griefing in EverQuest 2 - Or Everquest Too!
- Griefing in Guild Wars - At least you can fight back.
- Griefing and Dungeons and Dragons Online - Can they put Griefing to rest?
- Griefing, Is It In Your Game? - Vanguard stands up and gets ganked.
- Will Auto Assault Beat the Griefing Demon? - Discussion Forum
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
- Hacking Legoland
  
  From the nothing-better-to-do-with-our-lives-department.
- Acoustic Snoops Can Decode Sound of Typing
  
  Demand for mime typists skyrockets.
- Study: MIT Researchers Map Cellphone Usage
  
  Cancer, Heart Disease and Multiple Sclerosis distractions still on the backburner.
- NASA Plans For Moon Mission in 2018
  
  Only 12 years and $100 Billion. What a bargain!
- China Produces Movie About Dangers of the Internet
  
  Hidden Game: Count the number of dollar store items you see in the movie.
- Principal Chases Streaker In Gorilla Mask
  
  Why the principal was wearing a gorilla mask is still unclear. Maybe the streaker was the "Gorilla his dreams".
- Eat More Beans To Stop Cancer
  
  If you like our beans, we'd love to hear from you.
- N.O. Is A Cataclysm - Anne Rice
  
  Admitting that the disaster is as bad as her books.
- World's Smallest Robot
  
  All hail our teeny, tiny, teeeensy robotic overlords.
- Iran Set To Give Nuclear Tech To Other Muslim States
  
  In other news, Iran raises the "Please kick our ass" sign.
- Shanghainese told to mind their language for Expo
  
  Because the imperialist pig-god capitalist that will be attending will obviously speak Mandarin.
As always, in your service,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
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Fri, Sep 16, 2005

Boomjack
Loading... September 15, 2005
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As happens at the end of every year the flood of new information and new games is beginning to form a tidal wave. We have a lot to cover in the next few days. Dofus, Horizons, the new World of Warcraft changes and of course, the EverQuest and EverQuest 2 expansions are all on the list. Where to start?
The new WoW servers are, well, pretty much like the other WoW servers. I have yet to see any roleplay on the RP servers unless being a jackass is considered roleplay. The d00ds are there and General Chat is filled to overflowing with the RP types complaining that the d00Ds aren't roleplaying and the d00Ds asking if the RP types live with their mothers.
Wednesday Vin Diesel Fact:

J.K. Rowling is the pseudonym that Vin Diesel uses when he writes the Harry Potter books.
What's new on the network.
- EQ2: Desert of Flames Day 1 Impressions - You only get one chance to make a first impression.
- EQ2: Last Day to Win Desert of Flames
- Auto Assault: Interview with Scott Brown - A day in the life of Scorch!
- Griefing - World of Warcraft Style - 4 million gankers can't be wrong.
- EQ2: Templar Spell Revamp Explained - And quantified by a Halfling.
- EQ2: Illusionist Spell Revamp Explained - and written in green ink by Okooo
- Vanguard: TTH Staff Spotlight - Where the lunatics do indeed run the asylum.
- Developer Griefing - They make 'em. You break 'em.
- The New Sense of Griefing in EverQuest 2 - Or Everquest Too!
- Griefing in Guild Wars - At least you can fight back.
- Griefing and Dungeons and Dragons Online - Can they put Griefing to rest?
- Griefing, Is It In Your Game? - Vanguard stands up and gets ganked.
- Will Auto Assault Beat the Griefing Demon? - Discussion Forum
What was recently recent, or what we still want you to see...you decide.
- World of Warcraft Warlock Guide Updated - Now with more demon marshmallows.
- Vanguard: Rogue Class Description - Dirty, Rotten Scoundrel Perhaps?
- Vanguard: Druid Class Description - Tree Hugging Left Winger?
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
- Inventor Fuels Car With Dead Cats
  
  Apparently, there IS more than one way to skin a cat and a German has discovered it.
- Google Earth Threatens Democracy
  
  In other news, only access to satellite imagery available to terrorists is through Google.
- China's Government To Develop Healthy, Patriotic Online Games
  
  and by "healthy, patriotic online games" we mean propaganda.
- Asian Tackles Online Game Addiction
  
  Or at least they will be, once they can get just one....more.....level.
- Study: Devoted Gamers Key To Industry Profits
  
  In other news, dogs still barking, fish still swimming.
- Robotic Vehicles Race
  
  All hail our robotic NASCAR overlords.
As always, in your service,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin
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Thu, Sep 15, 2005

Boomjack

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