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  • On behalf of all of the staff here at Ten Ton Hammer, I'd like to wish you and yours a very pleasant holiday season!

    From our homes to yours...

    Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, a Joyous Kwanzaa, and to all: a very Happy New Year!!

    Sun, Dec 25, 2005
    Ethec
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    May the holidays bring you everything you deserve and for those of you who gank me repeatedly in WoW may they bring you nothing but pick-up groups!
    Seriously, thanks to everyone who takes the time out of their day to come visit us here at TenTonHammer.com. Our warmest wishes to you and yours during the holiday season and always.
    I thought it was fitting that my last Loading... before Christmas should include a nod toward Clement Clarke Moore;
    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Onyxia's Lair

    Not a creature was stirring, not even an elder black bear.

    The auction items were hung by the goblins with care,

    In hopes that holiday shoppers soon would be there;
    The Tauren were nestled all snug in their beds,

    While visions of hay-bales danced in their heads.

    And mamma in her 'flying tiger goggles, and I in my cap,

    Had just settled our brains for a Winter Veil's nap.
    When out in Orgrimmar there arose such a clatter,

    I sprang from my cot to see what was the matter.

    Away to the inn I rode like a flash,

    Right-clicked the innkeeper, made some quick cash.
    The goblins were selling the new-fallen snow

    To those who lots of spare copper to blow.

    When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

    But an epic sleigh, and eight epic reindeer.
    With a little old driver, wearing an axe and mail,

    I knew in a moment it must be Winter's Veil

    More rapid that griffins, these reindeer they came,

    Father Winter whistled, and shouted, and said , "Lern2Play!"
    "Now Crasher! now, Smasher! now, Ninja! now, Vixen!

    On, Leegolas! On, Leagolas! on Leaaagooolas and Leeegoolas!

    To the top of the fort! to the top of the wall!

    Now hide the flag! Hide the flag! Hide the flag all!
    As priests that before the all hunters group fly,

    When they meet with beastial rage, to the graveyard, good-bye.

    So up to the roof-top the epic deer they flew,

    With the other teams' flag, and Father Winter too.
    And then, in a twinkling I heard the rogue stealth

    The taunting, the gouging, he sapped my poor self.

    As I drew in my head, and was prepping to hearth

    He dagger he rammed, in my back, boy it hurt.



    He was dressed all in purple, from his head to his foot,

    And his clothes were all tarnished with blood, guts, and dirt.

    A bundle of health pots had been flung on his back,

    And he looked like a Gnome, made me want to yack.
    His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

    His cheeks were like roses, he was puntable, I was ready!

    His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

    And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
    He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work.

    Stunlock, stab, stunlock, cripes, what a jerk.

    And laying one finger in front of my face,

    He ganked me in three shots, to my utter disgrace.
    He sprang to his epic, to his group gave a holler,

    And away they all flew to AB for more honor.

    But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he rode out of sight,

    "Lern2Play Nub, U SUCK! Ima Kill U All Night!"

    A Vanguard Christmas... and more!
    Here's what's new on the network!

    Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

    As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
    -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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    Fri, Dec 23, 2005
    Boomjack
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    Happy holidays folks from our crew to yours. Only three shopping days left if you include today, so get going!
    The biggest news here at home yesterday was the unveiling of Canada's olympic hockey team. The television and radio stations were filled with speculation about who would be in the line-up. In the end, there weren't too many surprises and all agreed that we could probably send three teams to the big show and all would have a shot at winning gold.
    MMOG Quote of the Day: Group Leader - "Player who, five minutes before joining the group was seen bumping into trees and falling off cliffs, is now unaccountably elected to guide the group with unerring precision to their goal. Responsible for discovering the longest possible route to any given point, preferably through deadly obstacles and impassable terrain. Player least likely to know how to use a map. Player most likely to have never been to, or even heard of, destination. Relies heavily on “instinct” ie. the laws of random motion. Can often be found in city areas asking if anyone has a bag to give away for free.
    Also, the person incapable of figuring out how to change the loot system to anything other than Leader Only Loot. " - Neddie Seagoon
    If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
    TenTon Comics: Nothing new here...move along. Move along. Still here, check out the catalogue of comics "Right Here".
    Win DDO, check out the holiday happiness in EverQuest 2 or pick up a new writ to help your guild.
    Here's what's new on the network!

    Thursday Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel's favourite cartoon character is Atomic Betty.
    Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

    As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
    -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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    Thu, Dec 22, 2005
    Boomjack
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    With the exception of City of Villains, which is sure to make just about any MMOG fan happy there isn't much new in the genre this holiday season. It sounds crazy, and I'm almost embarrassed to say that I have it and play it, but Guitar Hero is an incredible game for the PS2. Sure, it has nothing to do with MMOGs, but it is guaranteed to put a smile on your face. While your buddies are trying to catch up to you in World of Warcraft you can rock out with your fancy news PS2 guitar.
    After hours of building a frame, buying a liner and getting the bloody liner to fit in the frame it was time to fill our "frontyard" rink with water. In comes the water truck with 3,000 gallons of water and what do you know? Our yard isn't level. In fact, over 48 feet it is out an entire foot. I now have 3/4 of a beautiful rink and a lot more work ahead of me. Will the kids remember this when they grow up? They will if the picture of a growing man crying in the snow has any affect on them.
    Our sympathies go out to the family of Wayne Gretzky. His mother passed away yesterday from lung cancer.
    MMOG Quote of the Day: Lag - "an all purpose excuse for the failure to perform a mission critical activity. When the only thing a group member has to do to prevent the Orcs from scooping out your brain and gobbling it with 6 foot lobster fork is cast the Butt of Flying Monkeys at just the right time, you can bet that player will choose that exact, precise moment to wander off and harvest a basket of Dingleberries that just couldn't wait. And now that your empty skull is being used as a peanut bowl in some Orc bar, you can bet when you gently inquire, "why the @***!! didn't you cast the Butt of Flying Monkeys!!??", they will serenely explain, "I had lag"." - Neddie Seagoon
    If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
    TenTon Comics: Nothing new here...move along. Move along. Still here, check out the catalogue of comics "Right Here".
    Buying gold in Vanguard, forming your guild and holiday goodness are all yours in the fresh network content found today on TenTonHammer.com.
    Here's what's new on the network!

    Wednesday Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel can count backwards from infinity.
    Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

    As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
    -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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    Wed, Dec 21, 2005
    Boomjack
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    I'm sure that all of our readers have their holiday shopping finished, wrapped and delivered to the intended parties by now. Way to go!
    I've noticed a disturbing trend that has infested many popular blogs and even a popular news site. Begging for gifts from readers seems to be the "in" thing this year. It isn't a new idea by any stretch of the imagination, but it's tacky just the same.
    The staff at TenTonHammer.com would like to go on the record and let our gajillion readers know that all the presents you purchased for us should be given to your local sick childrens' hospital. Just make sure you scratch off all of the dirty words you wrote about us.
    MMOG Quote of the Day: Mage - "Class that uses magic, spells, card tricks etc. to amaze, stun and stupefy enemies. Talks real tough so long as Main Tank is still bobbing for leeches in the aggro bucket, but at the first sign of actual danger runs around screaming "Get it off me!! GET IT OFF ME!!" like a terrified schoolgirl with a bat in her hair. Also does kiddie shows on Saturday afternoons. Motto: “…and now for my disappearing trick”." - Neddie Seagoon
    If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
    TenTon Comics: A Visa commercial with poop. Stooping to the lowest level for your entertainment. You can view it "Right Here".
    Buying gold in Vanguard, forming your guild and holiday goodness are all yours in the fresh network content found today on TenTonHammer.com.
    Here's what's new on the network!

    Tuesday Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel can enter and leave Hotel California at will. .
    Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

    As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
    -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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    Tue, Dec 20, 2005
    Boomjack
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    I hope everyone had a weekend filled with holiday cheer. I enjoyed my vehicle's engine roasting on an open fire....Jack Frost nipping at my nose, while I sat on the largest highway in the country. It's a good thing my wife and kids could be tricked into coming to rescue me or I might still be there.
    It's so cold here today that the brass monkeys all came inside. Even the snowmen are asking for warmer weather.
    In the good news department, Vanguard Beta 2 has been announced, the holiday quests and cheer have been added to World of Warcraft and the Auto Assault site has been updated with a tractor trailer load of information.
    From the "you have to be kidding me" department. We have a company here called M and M Meats. What they really are is a company that sells all kinds of assorted ready to heat foods for people too lazy to actually cook themselves. Their advertisement came today and they now offer grilled cheese sandwiches pre-made. Just heat and serve. Who on this planet needs a pre-made grilled cheese sandwich? What's next....pre-boiled water. Will these guys eat the food for you too?
    MMOG Quote of the Day: Tell - "A private message which, the instant it is sent, magically transforms itself into a "Mistel"" - Neddie Seagoon
    If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
    TenTon Comics: Dating service miscue? You decide in today's comic. You can view it "Right Here".
    EQ2's finer points, underground Vanguard and the basics of Guild Wars are yours for the taking on the network today.
    Here's what's new on the network!

    Monday Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel knows the caramilk secret.

    Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

    As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
    -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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    Mon, Dec 19, 2005
    Boomjack
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    We received over 30 cm of snow last night. For you non-metric types that equals "a hella lot". This of course begs the question, why are there no snow storms in MMOGs, and by storms I means snow accumulating on the ground until you can't see the guy in front of you?
    MMOG Quote of the Day: Inc. - "Incoming . The last words a Tank usually utters and rarely what is actually incoming.
    Also, term that when used by mages actually means, "I'm so stupid I deserve to die right here, right now." "
    - Boomjack
    If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
    TenTon Comics: Today we get to the bottom of things, orc style. You can view it "Right Here".
    Contents, griffins and warriors, oh my!
    Here's what's new on the network!

    Friday Vin Diesel Fact: This fall on FOX - CSI: Vin Diesel.
    Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

    As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
    -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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    Fri, Dec 16, 2005
    Boomjack
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    -13 degree Celcius temperatures didn't stop our family from using what little daylight there is between school-end and nightfall to build a hockey rink in our yard. On the handy-man scale I rank pretty low, but with the help of the kids we got it up and ready to go. If only they could create a MMOG that somehow included hockey I think Canadians would jump in, skates first.
    MMOG Quote of the Day: Corpse - "Your retrievable carcass. The lifeless physical reminder of abject defeat always located in the most remote, dangerous and inaccessible location possible. The seductive invitation to produce yet another corpse.



    Also, the inevitable conclusion to any pick-up group. " - Boomjack
    If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
    TenTon Comics: Today we bring you a bovine punchline. You can view it "Right Here".
    Win a contest, make friends and let us guide you in our new content today.
    Here's what's new on the network!

    Thursday Vin Diesel Fact: If at first you don't succeed, you must not be Vin Diesel
    Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

    As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
    -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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    Thu, Dec 15, 2005
    Boomjack
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    Perhaps it is some internal need to be valued. Perhaps it is because I was tired of waiting for hours with my LFG tag on. Perhaps it's because I'm just an unselfish, always there to help the other guy type of person. Whatever the reason, I'm in this rut of always choosing a healing class when I play MMOGs. I find that sometimes I just want to go out and play without a lot of responsibility, but I never have a character that can do that. It's time for a New Year's resolution!
    MMOG Quote of the Day: Group - "A team of players intent on sharing the pleasures of self-destruction. Often seen pledging to undertake a quixotic endeavor for which they are both ill-prepared and ill-equipped, or die in the attempt. Invariably the latter. A suicide pact.
    Also, the worst possible combination of classes that could be put in one place. See: Five Paladin Group. " - Boomjack
    If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
    TenTon Comics: It's another revamp of a Slide great today, but I promise you from the bottom of my photoshop heart tomorrow will bring you a brand new comic. You can view it "Right Here".
    Gratification, tombstones and ownage, female style are the topics of the day.
    Here's what's new on the network!

    Wednesday Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel does not type lol, rolf, or jk; he writes everything out and does not use contractions. Vin Diesel is also never just kidding.
    Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

    As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
    -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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    Wed, Dec 14, 2005
    Boomjack
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    MMOG Quote of the Day: Guild - "A society of like minded players passionately devoted to the worthy common cause of having a silly name appear on the top of their heads." - Neddie Seagoon
    If you enjoyed that one, you will love the really good ones submitted by Neddie Seagoon, available in our Random MMOG Quote repository.
    TenTon Comics: We took Slide's picture and gave it a new caption. We need your screenshots and/or your captions! You can view it "Right Here".
    Gratification, tombstones and ownage, female style are the topics of the day.
    Here's what's new on the network!

    Tuesday Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel did it in the conservatory with a pipe wrench. .
    Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

    As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
    -- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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    Tue, Dec 13, 2005
    Boomjack
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