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Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles: The Raging Noob

Posted Fri, Jul 12, 2013 by gunky

Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles: The Raging Noob

Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles: Raging Noob - typical noob behavior Typical Raging Noob behavior.

The Raging Noob

Type: 0-Level Mook

Habitat: Low-level areas, begging for help in ALL CAPS

Description:

A lot of us players are seasoned veterans by now. We've seen and played enough MMOs to be familiar with how things work - the controls, the many different systems, the people. It took many hours of intensive gameplay to earn our mastery. But we all started somewhere, and every MMO is someone's very first. However, some people handle this new experience with more grace than others. The Raging Noob does not.

The "Raging" part of Raging Noob does not necessarily refer to the actual emotional state of rage. Rather, it refers to the depths of the player's noobishness. The Raging Noob is a step below the Raw Noob, who is merely inexperienced but will likely improve over time. The difference is, the Raging Noob is much "louder" than the Raw Noob, and can potentially carry his noobish behavior all the way to elder game without showing any improvement.

The Raging Noob is the human equivalent of a low-level trash mob. He may be having a tough time figuring out what all the buttons do, or how to use them properly in a fight. He may have skipped the tutorial missions, figuring that sort of thing is for babies and not realizing it's meant exactly for players like him. Or he might have chugged through the tutorial, thinking it was representative of the rest of the game and taking far, far too long at it, only to be overwhelmed when he passes through into the main game and discovers that the mobs actually fight back. He often has very little understanding about game mechanics, even those that are common to many games. He has a poor grasp of game-specific jargon and shorthand, and often has a poor command of language in general.

Grumpy Gamer Player Profiles: Raging Noob - Journey to the Center of Hawkthorne Pierce Hawthorne - classic Raging Noob.

The Raging Noob may be equally confused by certain aspects of human nature. It's natural to expect a vast cooperative experience when a player first ventures into the wonderful world of  MMOs, with everyone getting along and helping one another and generally being nice. But that's almost never the case. Mostly, everyone is going about his or her own business and not paying anyone else much mind. The Raging Noob's initial pleas for assistance often go unnoticed, drowned in a sea of similar pleas from a sea of other noobs, which is why he develops the policy of using ALL CAPS and spamming chat channels to beg for help with tasks that most other players consider trivial. Typical requests include:

  • "HOW DO I MAKE ARMER AND WEPPINS????"
  • "CAN SUM1 HELP ME KILL THIS GUY???"
  • "WHERE DO I GO FOR THIS QUEST PLZ HELP????"
  • "WHERE CAN U BUY A MOUNT????"
  • "NEED HELP W DUNGEON PLZ SEND PST"
  • "CAN SUM1 GIVE ME GOLD SO I CAN BUY A MOUNT???"


And when this fails to get them the help they need, or when it starts to seem like too much work, they will resort to blind invite-spamming.

Lessons are learned slowly for the Raging Noob. He will select armor based on how it looks rather than on whether or not it's actually suitable for his class, and will continue using inappropriate gear until enough people make fun of him for it. He will have zero grasp on the intricacies of his chosen class - his healers will almost never heal and he has no skill for holding aggro on a tank, which will earn the scornful wrath of the seasoned players for whom low-level dungeons are serious business.

For most noobs, social mistakes such as those detailed here come from lack of experience. Their behavior is corrected when more experienced players take the time to explain how things work. For the Raging Noob, it's something else entirely. They require many repeated lessons for the instruction to take hold. They get upset when they are told that what they are doing is incorrect. They take it personally when no one responds positively to their begging.

It's possible - likely, even - that the Raging Noob is actually a young child, taking his first steps into unsupervised online socializing. But this is not always the case. Some Raging Noobs are adults who merely behave like bratty children. In either case, it's not our responsibility to babysit or hold hands. And if we do take the time to give the Raging Noob some assistance, it is never acknowledged or appreciated.

Over time, the Raging Noob may become a contributing member of the online gaming community. That time may be a long way away, or it may never come. That's the gamble. And there's no real way to deal with a Raging Noob in the meantime - he doesn't take instruction, doesn't respond well to constructive criticism, and even trolling him is unsatisfying. If you don't have the patience to hold their hands, your only recourse is to add them to your ignore list.

Ah the Raging Newb... feeder of my Ignore List. You have kept it satiated over the years with your pleas for help and your inability to comprehend English, and use of all Caps. Thank you for your service to the community. <3

Yeah, only problem is as the games get more cartoony and cheaper you attract more prepubescent humans and get less and less UI features to filter their chatter.

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