50 Things that you should never do on a Raid

EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue

Now that I've finally reached "Uber High End" status in EverQuest II, I've
been trying my hand at Raiding....

...and let me tell you - it's a lot harder than it looks.

Rules, commands, split second decision making that could mean the difference
between winning and losing, I can't believe the skill it takes, I can't believe
the ability and talent involved, and...

I can't believe people would let *ME* raid.

But still, I'm learning - and in learning I've devised a list of fifty things
you should NEVER do on a raid, in hopes that when YOU reach "Uber High End"
status, you can learn from my mistakes.

"Uncle Coyote's List of 50 Things That You Should Never Do On A

1) Do not spam the raid channel with panicked alert messages like "INCOMING
(Raid Leader's Name)! EVAC!! EVAC!!" because no one will ever find it as funny
as you do.

2) Screaming that you are "The King Of the Shiny People" and evacing anyone
who tries to harvest them to the zone line will not win you friends.

3) Yes, you CAN pull the named mob with a snowball, so don't try it.

4) Evac is not an "AOE heal spell" and you should never cast it near the main
tanks, even if you are really just trying to help.

5) Dark elf rogues do not put the "Ass" in "Assassin" and "Padonk-a-donk" is
not a real spell, so don't insist that they cast it.

6) You don't need to "sacrifice a Ranger to the gods of Rez" to properly
start a raid.

7) Screaming "INCOMING!!!" and feigning death in front of the clerics makes
them nervous so cut it out.

8) It is not my job to determine if the main tank looks bored or not, and
pulling ADDS to help them "relieve the monotony of Raiding" is strictly

9) Lava is not a teleport spell, and charging people to "use it" is just
plain mean.

10) Most Raids require more than, and highly frown on using "Leet tradeskill

11) Miming the "addition symbol" in emotes is not the proper way to warn of
incoming ADDS.

12) Rangers are not "Arrow Hucking Nancies", they are scouts, and so they ARE
allowed to roll on Scout drops.

13) Bio, AFK, BRB, GTG, and RDY? do not mean "Evac", so don't do it.

14) Asking "Is Botting allowed?" will get you kicked from a Raid Group

15) The low-level grey con mob beating on me is NOT my pet and I am not
allowed to petition other group members for killing him.

16) "Dibs" is not a recognized way of winning a lotto, even if you did call
it first.

17) Aggro transferring spells go on the main tank, not the annoying cleric
who refuses to heal you.

18) The Raid Leader talks in all caps for a reason. He does not need to be
reminded about his caps lock key or called a "n00b" every few minutes.

19) Adding lines that proclaim love for "naughty butt sex" in all Caps under
what the Raid Leader says, while comedic, is not appropriate or welcomed.

20) Stop quoting Monty Python, because EVERYONE starts doing it, and it
disrupts the Raid.

21) Yes. "Ni" counts, no one cares if it IS your battle cry. Cut it out.

22) No, we are not there yet - the raid leader will TELL you when we are

23) No female toon is your "Bitch", and you have no right to "Sell her for
hot cyber" in the auction channel.

24) "Welcome to Wipe Fest 2006" is not a proper group greeting, and no one
thinks you are funny.

25) "Clapping" does not rez fallen Fae, and its not the fault of the people
who "don't believe".

26) Intentional Cyber-sex mistells to the Raid Leader, in Raid channel are
not amusing.

27) Just disarm the damn master chest. Making people do the "Truffle shuffle"
will just piss them off.

28) Saying you disarmed the chest when you didn’t; because no one did the
Truffle Shuffle is not funny.

29) There are no "shortcuts" through Mistmoore Castle.

30) ALT+F4 does NOT help you "target mobs faster", so stop insisting that it

31) Ornate chest drops do not "attack" you, and you do *NOT* evac when you
see one. EVER.

32) "Stop sucking." is not a battle plan.

33) Never close doors on Tanks who are running back from pulling mobs from
the next room.

34) Don't emote that you rolled a number that you didn't really roll?

35) "Sorry, I was looking at porn." Is NOT a valid excuse for anything.

36) The Raid Leader is not required to say "Simon Says" before every

37) Other people harvesting collects does not "Ruin my Shiny faction", and I
cannot forbid anyone to do it.

38) "Group Leader" does not over-ride "Raid Leader" commands, and never, EVER
kick the Raid Leader from your group for "Gross insubordination."

39) Saying "He's just going to sell it on the broker" after I lose every
lotto makes me look bitter and I should stop doing it.

40) Saying "I'm just going to put it on the broker" after I WIN a lotto that
a lot of people really wanted will upset everyone.

41) Instructing clerics to "Heal me Bitch" will not get you healed.

42) I do not know "Cheat codes" for the game, and I should stop trying to
sell them in the auction channel.

43) Nobody wants to hear about my creamy milky thighs.

44) Guides take the reporting system VERY seriously, and my Raid Leader
talking in all caps is NOT a violation of the EULA.

45) Nobody wants to buy my character so I can go play WoW. Stop asking.

46) Putting your Raider Leader on Ignore for talking in all caps REALLY
upsets him.

47) Evacing people to give them a "Time Out" disrupts the Raid.

48) Role playing each attack, thrust, parry, and swing in emotes is not
really fighting.

49) The tank is NOT my pet, and his name is NOT "Mister Nibblenipples".

50) It is not my Raid Leader's birthday, and shouting in every zone that he
is sad and "Happy Birthday Tells would really cheer him up" is not a good


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Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016