Legends of Norrath: A First Look
EQ2 Humor By Coyote Sharptongue
"The Legends of Norrath - some would call it a game within a game, others a welcome diversion to the always feared "downtime". Regardless of your stance, we here at Ten Ton Hammer have our own name for it. Fun." A large cat man holding a microphone grins into the news camera as he gestures to a playing table behind him.
"But what exactly IS this new game? How is it played? And more importantly - how do you win? This is Coyotee Sharptongue reporting to you LIVE from this exclusive demonstration of the newest card game to hit the streets, The Legends of Norrath." He introduces as he moves towards the table where a hulking human warrior sits, an angry scowl shadowing his face.
"Joining me today is none other that local warrior and self proclaimed "Legends of Norrath Expert" Brok Fergus. How are you today Mister Fergus?" Coyotee asks as he holds the camera towards the scowling human.
"Brok wanna play. Talk later." Brok barks as he kicks a chair out and gestures for the Kerran to sit. Smiling at the offer, the reporter sits opposite of the hulking warrior and pulls out a small deck of cards.
"Right to business, I like that." Coyotee chuckles as he thumbs through his cards, flickering his eyes up at the intimidating fighter.
Unable to read the other man's angry expression, Coyotee selects a card and lays it on the table.
"A Gigglegibber Goblin." The reporter winks as he slides the card into play. "Not my best card, but a good opening I think." He says a bit smugly.
"HA! BROK WIN!" Brok explodes as he slaps a card down roughly and grins with the excitement of the first kill.
"You WIN? ALREADY?" The reporter asks incredulously, his eyes wide as he leans across the table and examines the card.
"Huh? Wait. WAIT. That is a ...that is a five of clubs." Coyotee points out dryly as he taps on the card's face.
Brok blinks slowly as he looks at the card, not comprehending the statement as he looks up at Coyote.
"Use club to club goblin. Brok win." The thick browed human explains as he meets the Kerran's gaze obviously not understanding.
"No. I mean...that's a five of CLUBS. That's a PLAYING card. You can't *use* a playing card." Coyotee says, his irritation beginning to show as he slides the five of clubs back towards the hulking warrior.
"Nuh HUH." Brok offers as counter argument as he slides his card back into the center of the table. "We PLAYING cards. Stupid." He says as he rolls his eyes and looks back at the cards nestled out of view.
Frowning slightly Coyotee holds out his hand and makes a quick motion.
"Let me see that deck." He demands as Brok looks even angrier.
"No! YOU CHEAT!" The warrior snarls as he reaches for his weapon.
"I'm NOT cheating, I just want to make sure that you have the proper cards." Coyotee says with a sigh as Brok eyeballs him suspiciously.
"Okay, but you cheat an' Brok BASH you." Brok growls in warning as he lays his "deck" on the table. Like a small child turning out his pockets Brok's "playing cards" hit the table with a variety of thunks, as objects of every shape and size litter the flat surface.
"What..the hell...You don't have any cards!" Coyotee says in exasperation as he rummages through Brok's "deck".
"Wait, here..One? You have ONE card? ONE card?" The reporter asks in amazement as he finds an actual card among the debris. "One card, a leaf, a book of matches, an expired coupon for Batwing Crunchies, a ROCK - which isn't even remotely card like in SHAPE..and....and this." He sighs as he holds up a brownish colored square object.
"What the hell is this?" Coyotee asks as he sniffs lightly at the "card" and examines it closely.
"That a Triscuit!" Brok grins widely, enjoying the immense satisfaction that comes with answering a question correctly.
"A...triscuit." The reporter echoes in disbelief as he holds up the cracker.
"A delightfully crisp snack cracker!" Brok adds proudly as Coyotee slams the cracker onto the table.
"You can't PLAY a TRISCUIT!" The reporter roars angrily. "IT'S NOT EVEN A CARD!" He scolds as Brok laughs lightly and picks up the rock.
"ROCK BEAT TRISCUIT!" Brok exclaims as he slams the rock onto the table, shattering the cracker into a million pieces.
Unfazed, Coyotee simply stares at the laughing human.
"Do you realize that you only have ONE card, and that this other...trash..is worthless?" The reporter questions, holding the card out for the warrior to see.
Taking the card into his calloused hands Brok stares at it for a long time as if contemplating the reporter's observation.
"You can't play Legends of Norrath with ONE card." Coyotee sighs as Brok looks up sadly.
Quickly ripping the card in half Brok puffs out his chest in self admiration as he holds the mangled artwork out for Coyotee to inspect.
"Now Brok have TWO cards!" The heavily muscled fighter grins at his own cleverness as he lays them on the table.
"That is NOT how it WORKS!" Coyotee yells as Brok brings the rock down on both halves of the playing card.
"ROCK BEAT CARDS!" Brok laughs loudly as the reporter simply stares at him mirthlessly.
A long moment of quiet passes between the two men as they regard each other in silence.
"HA! Rock beat COYOTEE!" The brutish warrior exclaims happily as he slams the rock violently into the side of the Kerran's head.
Not expecting the attack and unable to react in time the reporters eyes spin to their whites as he crumples like a rag doll, tumbling out of his seat before collapsing in a heap onto the tavern's hard wooden floor.
"Haa.....um..ught oh." Brok's laughter trails off as he peers over table at the still figure of the bludgeoned reporter. Cautiously moving towards Coyotee's body, Brok prods the large Kerran with his foot, gently at first, but more roughly when he confirms that the cat man is out cold.
"Coyotee?" Brok asks nervously as he looks around the tavern. Worry is quickly replaced by a mischievous grin as an idea forms.
Laying his "cards" on the table where the reporter was moments before sitting, Brok quickly scoops up Coyotee's deck of actual *real* playing cards and thumbs through them briefly before grinning in triumph.
"Now Brok got LOTS of cards." He chuckles to himself as he tucks his prize away, leaving his own belongings scattered on the table before making a hasty exit.
As the camera slowly fades to black the hulking warrior quickly runs back into the scene, scooping up the rock and cradling it protectively to his chest.
"Rock GOOD card." He says to himself, once again making his exit as the camera cuts to static.
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