Meet the Fae

EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue

"Bigotry and bias. Two words one does not want to hear when speaking of any race." A large Kerran holding a microphone looks seriously into the camera as he shakes his head sadly.

"Yet as we grow closer to welcoming our Fae brothers and sisters into the fold, words of oppression, racism, and racial supremacy have reached even the deafest of ears. Have we become so truly jaded that we cannot welcome a new race to the table without turmoil? This is Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news, bringing you the TRUE story." The cat-man finishes as he moves towards a large oak tree.

"The Fae. The mysterious race of diminutive sprites that have always been among us. Only recently has their true sentience been discovered, and with that sentience came a cry - a cry for help." Coyotee preludes as he motions next to him.

"Standing with me today is a representative of these people. Known only as "Pretty-Pretty Fairy" he has dared to speak up and in one voice yell, "We will not be ignored." He announces as he motions beside him, the camera panning to his right.

A large Ogre dressed from head to toe in pink smiles happily for the camera he adjusts the hem of his frilly tutu. A pair of cardboard wings that have been painted in impossibly bright colors and doused in liberal amounts of glitter perched slightly cockeyed on his back. As he waves in exuberance to the audience, the wings bob chaotically causing cascades of glitter to fall gently to the ground.

The reporter stares in stunned disbelief as he takes in the happy form of the wing-clad Ogre before him.

"KRUNNK?!" Coyotee blinks in disbelief as the Ogre-fairy laughs happily and offers the reporter a bone crushing hug.

"Hullo!" Krunnk beams as he shows the camera his wings.

"You......are the representative to the Fae." Coyotee states flatly, obviously not amused.

"Yup!" The Ogre fairy smiles happily as he pumps his arms furiously like he is running in place. The effort causes his wings to flap furiously in a hail storm of glitter dust that cascades around him.

"You are the representative to the Fae, who is here in protest of being oppressed and discriminated against because of your tiny, tiny, size." The reporter clarifies as the tutu wearing Ogre bounces up and down, his eyes never leaving his cardboard wings.

"Yup. That me!" The Ogre Fairy grins as he starts swinging his body from side to side.

Closing his eyes slightly, Coyotee brings a large paw to his forehead and mumbles under his breath. Steeling himself, he turns to the camera smiling, before facing the Ogre.

"Why are you doing this?" Coyotee asks in curious tones, the rage behind his voice obvious.

"'Cause me people have had 'nuff!" The Ogre fairy growls into the camera as he shakes a meaty fist. "We eensy weensy and FRAGGLE! YOU LEAVE US 'LONE!!" He roars angrily before going back to admiring his wings.

"Fraggle? Those...little Muppet things?" Coyotee asks in confusion.

"No! Fraggle mean DAINTY! Easy broke! THAT why me doin' THIS!" The Ogre fairy clarifies for the reporter.

"No. Why are you doing this? THIS!" The reporter asks as he lifts up one of the Fairy's wings, showing the badly glued straps that harness them on. "You aren't even a real fairy!" He sighs, letting the wing drop.

"You no oppress me!"Krunnk accuses in shock as he turns his fists towards the reporter.

"YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!" Coyotee growls back as he steps closer to the Ogre.

"OPPRESS MEAN ME HIT YOU IF YOU DO IT!" The Ogre fairy screams back as he waves a menacing fist.

Stepping back the Kerran reporter sighs as he shakes his head in defeat.

"Fine. Fine. You win Tinkerbelle. Let's do the interview." Coyotee sighs reluctantly as he turns back towards the camera.

Crossing his arms angrily, Krunnk looks away from the reporter and pouts out his bottom lip.

"Can we just DO the interview and get this over with? Please?" The reporter pleads as he looks at his watch.

"Not 'till you say Krunnk is rea Fairy..jus' big." The Ogre demands haughtily as he fights back a sniffle.

"Your wings are CARDBOARD covered in glitter!" Coyotee points out as Krunnk sniffles a bit more.

"Say. Me. Big. Fairy." Krunnk growls dangerously as Coyotee folds his own arms indignantly.

"Its not going to happen pal, so I suggest you just DROP it and agree to do the interview so that we can URP-" The reporter's stubborn stance is cut off violently as the Ogre-Fairy grabs him by the throat and hoists him off of the ground.

"SAY ME BIG FAIRY! SAY ME BIG FAIRY!" Krunnk demands in a berserker rage as he throttles the hapless reporter.

"You...are....a...big...f..fairy." Coyotee manages to squeak out as he's thrown roughly to the ground.

Krunnk's eyes widen in an insane rage as he stares at the crumpled reporter.

"WHAT YOU JUST CALL ME?!?! THIS 'CAUSE KRUNNK LIKE PRETTY CLOTHES?!" The Ogre roars as he begins stomping on the prone form at his feet, the dust from his efforts mercifully obscuring the violence.

"You not judge me!" Krunnk scolds as he rips off his wings and throws them at the broken and battered Kerran.

Turning on his heel with an offended "Humph", Krunnk stomps off leaving the camera to focus on the reporter's mangled form.

"B..back" Coyotee manages before collapsing in a heap.

"Medic." He adds weakly as the camera is quickly shut off bringing the scene suddenly to black.


To read the latest guides, news, and features you can visit our EverQuest II Game Page.

Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016