Return to Castle Mistmoore
EQ2 Humor by Coyotee Sharptongue
A large cat man holding a microphone stands before an imposing castle. The ancient stone dwelling is accented by two large wooden doors that serve as a backdrop for the Kerran. Hefting his microphone nervously, he looks into the camera.
"Vampires. Soulless blood sucking fiends from beyond the grave. The living dead. Little is known about these monsters from our nightmares, and even less is known about their Overlord - Mayong Mistmoore." The reporter whispers dramatically as he nods towards the massive doors.
"But that is about to change, because tonight, I, Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news have been granted an EXCLUSIVE audience with none other than the head vampire himself - Mayong Mistmoore. Lets go inside." He says with a nervous grin as he reaches out and slams a heavy wrought iron knocker down upon the door frame.
The sound echoes through the night air eerily and for a moment, nothing happens. With a reluctant creak the twin doors slowly part, allowing the reporter access to the foreboding Castle. Stepping in slowly, Coyotee calls out in nervous greeting as the doors close behind him.
"Hello? Is anyone home?" He asks in a shaky voice as his eyes fall upon a large white marble staircase that spans upwards to the second floor. Red carpet sticks out in harsh contrast to the pale stone, almost like fresh blood on tender flesh. The shadows seem to twist and whirl as they form the imposing figure of Mayong Mistmoore who slowly begins to descend the staircase.
"One! One Kerran has entered my castle! Ah Ah Ah AH!" Mayong exclaims as his laughter is punctuated by a loud clap of thunder and an unexpected flicker of lightning.
"What the HELL was THAT?" Coyotee asks in alarm as he spins around quickly. His eyes flickering to the figure slowly moving down the stair case, Coyotee takes a nervous step backward. "Are you.. Lord Mistmoore?" He asks nervously, his eyes darting around frantically as he takes in his surrounded.
"TWO! TWO Questions from zee Kerran who has entered my home! Ah Ah Ah AH!" The Vampiric Overlord laughs as once again the foyer is split by the boom of thunder and a crack of nearby lightning that causes Coyotee to spin around defensively.
"There it is again!" The cat man cries out as he looks skyward for some sort of explanation. "Are..are you doing that?" He asks the still approaching vampire hesitantly.
"THREE! THREE VONDERFUL QUESTIONS! AH AH AH AH!" Mayong roars in laughter as a thunder crack shakes the Castle and a small flash of lightning nearly misses the bewildered reporter.
"HEY! Cut it out!" Coyotee cries out as he clutches his arm in his hand before examining his fur. "That singed me!" He growls in annoyances as the counting vampire finally reaches the bottom of the staircase.
Smiling benevolently and adjusting his hair slightly, Lord Mayong sweeps an extravagant bow and out stretches his hands in welcome.
"Velcome. Velcome to my .. home." The Vampire says pleasantly as he greets the Kerran reporter. "Joo mus be zee realtor they sent to evaluate my ..ah..estate." He smiles, showing a large set of wicked fangs.
"Um..no..no. I'm not a realtor. My name is -" Coyotee starts to explain but is cut off quickly by a dismissive wave from Mayong.
"I know who joo are Meester Harker." Lord Mistmoore interrupts with another evil grin. "Vat? Are joo surprised that I know jor nem?" He laughs darkly at the confused Kerran.
"Um. Nooo. I'm not Harker. My name is Coyotee Sharptongue. I believe that we spoke once before- " The Reporter tries to explain but is cut off by another laughing roar from the Lord Mistmoore.
"FOUR! BE FOUR things that we spoke of! AH AH AH AH!" Mayong cackles as the lightning and thunder show erupts around them.
Setting his jaw and crossing his arms, Coyotee looks around before staring directly at the still cackling vampire.
"Be FOUR things?" He asks dryly. "Now you're just reaching." Coyotee points out as Mayong stops laughing and frowns slightly.
"I vill NOT stand for jor INSOLENCE in my home." The vampire growls as his shadow starts to grow behind him. "Joo are a geest of MY Castle." He reminds dangerously as the Kerra shrinks back in fear.
"I..I apologize Lord Mistmoore." The reporter swallows hard as he eyes the supernaturally large shadow. "I just wanted to ask you a few questions about - " His explanation is truncated by an angry roar from the Vampire.
"I VILL ASK ZEE QUESTIONS!" Mayong bellows as the reporter shrinks back even more. "VAT ES TEN DIVIDED BY TWO?!" He demands in guttural tones.
Blinking rapidly and taken aback, Coyotee looks around in confusion before frowning and crossing his arms.
"No. I see what you are trying to do, and I'm not going to say it." The cat man says firmly as the Vampiric Overlord shrinks to his normal size.
"Oh please?" Mayong asks pleadingly as Coyotee shakes his head emphatically no.
"No. This is stupid. I'll say it and you'll laugh and I'm going to get hit by lightning." Coyotee says as he stands his ground. "I've come all the way here, for THIS, and quite frankly I'm getting a little sick of -" His diatribe is slashed by the renewed screams of the vampire.
"SIX! SIX Things that are little! AH AH AH AH!" Mayong roars with laughter as a thunder boom sends the reporter and camera sprawling, a bolt of lightning narrowly missing the large Kerran.
"OH COME ON!" Coyotee growls as he stands up angrily and brushes off his jacket. "You skipped RIGHT over five, and I said sick - SICK and you know it!" He scolds shaking his finger.
Head hung in shame the Vampire Lord sighs and mumbles something indecipherable under his breath as his shoulders slump in defeat.
"What was that?" The reporter asks, unsure of the mumble.
"I..said.." Mayong clarifies as he looks up. "FIVE! FIVE THINGS THAT I SKEEPED OVER! AH AH AH AH!" He bellows as the thunder and lightning drown out his laughter.
Tongue stuck firmly to the inside of his cheek in annoyance, Coyotee turns towards the camera barely suppressing his agitation as he takes a series of deep breaths.
"Vampires. Soulless beasts from our nightmares.." He preludes looking back at the still laughing Mayong Mistmoore. "Or complete and total lunatics who like to waste my time. You decide." He growls as he cracks his neck. " This is Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news saying -" His closing statements are interrupted by the Lord of Castle Mistmoore dancing happily in the background as he screams.
"TEN! TEN TON HAMMERS! AH AH AH AH!" Mayong screeches in delight as Coyotee rolls up his sleeves with a growl and stalks towards the giggling Vampire Lord.
"That's it you counting freak, I'm going to stick a wooden stake right up your -" The camera feed cuts out as a bolt of lightning hits the recorder, suddenly and abruptly halting the newscast as the interview instantly fades to static.
To read the latest guides, news, and features you can visit our EverQuest II Game Page.