Social Mobs and Aggro Radius
EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue
"The monsters of Norrath. Brutal beasts hell bent on war, destruction, or the murder of even the most innocent of adventurers. We hunt them, we kill them, and we have in an essence - conquered them. That is until now. This is Coyotee Sharptongue with Ten Ton Hammer news bringing you the TRUE story." A large Kerra looks intently into the camera as he speaks into a black topped microphone.
"Rumors are flying about noticeable behavioral changes in the beasts around us." The reporter starts. "Instead of engaging in combat with their assailants, these creatures first turn to their brethren for help, enacting if you will, a mob mentality. Over a greater distance, and through the roughest of terrains this call is answered as their kin from both near and far rush to their aid. Now instead of one target, the hunter finds himself against several, and very possibly - he is now the prey." Coyotee says seriously as he shakes his head slowly.
"But why? Or more importantly how? What sparked these changes and this pack instinct?" He asks rhetorically. "In order to get an unbiased opinion and a first person perspective on these devastating social changes, we'll go directly to the source - The monsters themselves." Coyotee grins as he turns towards a large demon-like creature.
Wicked horns jut from a monstrous Nightblood demon's head. It's eyes glow eerily, the flames of hell threatening to burst free from their fleshy restraints as the horrific creature leans down slightly and waves cheerily to the camera.
"Tell us friend, what has happened?" The reporter starts respectfully as he turns to fully face the creature. "What, if anything has caused you to change your behavior, and how is it that you can call upon the aid of your brethren over such an alarmingly large distance?" The reporter asks as the demon stares gravely at him.
"Yo dog - Check it." The demon says in a rumbling voice as it produces a small silver object and hands it towards the cat man.
"Um. Dog?" Coyotee asks curiously as he takes the item.
"Ain't hatin'. Jus' playin' Catman." The demon explains as he slaps Coyotee playfully on the back and puts an arm around him.
Looking at the large monster Coyotee simply shrugs and examines the device. Twisting it around for a better view, he finally slowly separated the top half from the bottom as it opens. Several numeric buttons glow as the Kerran looks down in confusion.
"A cell phone?" Coyotee asks finally before looking back up.
"The new Razor VI." The Nightblood grins. It ain't even OUT yet. Ring-ring, bling-bling, a lil' sumthan SUMTHAN' from the SOE Dev team." The Demon turns towards the camera and kisses two fingers before throwing the peace sign. "MAD love Dev team. MAD love. He says as he winks.
"Why the HELL do you have CELL phones?" The reporter asks as the demon takes his device back.
"Aight. Say you jus' chillin' with some fine dryad honies aight?" The demon says as he sets the scene. "Outta no where this sucka comes up playin' tha fool. His gear is backin' up his smack, so what you do?" The demonic creature grins showing rows of wicked teeth. "Ya holla at your boys, and they come flyin' in. Spinners kickin' up their carpets with a little blingage for the ruggage.Ya know?" The monster asks as Coyotee looks on in shock.
"Spinners..on a carpet?" Coyotee echoes obviously not following the conversation. "You're telling me that the SOE Development team supplied social mobs with CELL PHONES - devices that aren't even FROM Norrath - in order to help you better mobilize your defenses?" The reporter asks, trying to get clarification.
"T-mobile-ize." The Nightblood laughs as Coyotee stares blankly on.
"But you can't *HAVE* Cell phones." Coyotee insists, drawing a glare from the demon.
"Why not?" The monster asks indignantly.
"Because its not FAIR." The reporter insists. "When someone is looking to fight solo, they are looking for encounters on a one on one basis. They're not looking to fight you and your FRIENDS." The cat man explains as the Nightblood shakes his head.
"OH - Oh! Ya'll can have you're little Ventrillo servers an' chat channels, but when a MONSTER be representin' its not FAIR." The demon counters in a mocking rendition of Coyotee's voice.
"You're making it more difficult to successfully solo! A LOT of people who expect a fair fight are dying in situations where they USED to live." The reporter points out.
"What EVAH. Some chump aint on his A-game he deserves to get smoked. You want we should jus' lay down an' give up the gold without a fight? This ain't kindergarten, this aint no Warcraft beotch. You want the killz, best learn your skillz." The demon says flippantly putting a large hand in Coyotee's face.
Staring at the mammoth hand for a moment, the Kerran reporter turns towards the camera and sighs.
"So there you have it folks. Solo adventurers beware - evolution is upon us, and they prey you've hunted in the past is learning and adapting in order to ensure its survival." Coyotee explains as the Demon's cell phone rings. Putting up a finger to the cat man, the monster turns and takes the call.
"Yo! Dooky! Waaazzzzzzzzuuuuuuppp!" The monster screams loudly into the phone as the Kerran looks on in annoyance.
"Will you shut UP? God! We're on LIVE here. Show some respect you hoodlum." Coyotee scolds angrily before turning back to the camera. The demon's eyes widen in disbelief as he breathes into the phone.
"Oh no he DIDN'T." The Nightblood says in shock as he starts whispering into the phone and gesturing wildly, often pointing at the Kerran reporter.
"This is Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer News saying - Solo adventurers beware - the mobs, have unlimited minutes. Back to you Tom and Diane." Coyotee finishes as the camera slowly fades to black.
"Yo Dooky. Bring the boys. We gunna find us a new way to skin a cat." Can be heard as the feed cuts to static.
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