Twas the Night Before Frostfell

EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue

Twas the night before Frostfell,
And all through the zone..
Not a
skelly did cackle,
Not a zombie did moan.
The players were porting, all
back to their bind,
To mark up on the broker all the things that they find.

And I in my guild cloak, armor and cap,
Was looting some pelts from a
tradeskilling Trap.
When over the hill there rose such a clatter,
I ran
from the node, to see what was the matter.
And what to my Kerran eyes shall
A banged up sleigh! And eight bloodied reindeer!

Away up the hill, I flew like a flash,
Through bloodied deer parts,
straight to the crash!
Presents were scattered all over the snow,
packages and ribbons and blood covered bows..
And what to my horrified eyes
should appear?
A named mob called "Santa" staggering near.

The little old driver let out a yelp,
He looked at me imploringly and
shouted for help.
As he glanced around, dawning comprehension; it
At each mangled deer, he cried out their name;

"Not Dasher! And Dancer! Oh god Prancer and Vixen!
What happened to Comet
and Cupid? Is that Doner and Blitzen?
Their heads have been torn off, how
their bodies they sprawl!
They're DEAD! They're DEAD! Each one and all!

Then he lowered his head and he started to cry,
I wanted to help, but a
gleam caught my eye.
The gifts and the presents and the grizzly death
It was then that I noticed...Santa Conned

And slowly a smile, on my face did grow.
As I watched this man sobbing in
the blood covered snow.
As I drew out my blades without making a sound,

I slipped into the shadows that littered the ground.

He was dressed in all fur, from his head to his foot,
And I knew right
away that he had phat lewt.
As he bent to pick up a toy that fell from his
I slipped in behind him, and went for his back.

His eyes how they twinkled! And glittered with rage!
He foamed and he
roared like a bear in a cage.
"How DARE you attack me you bad little boy!"

He howled in anger as he picked up the toy.

He grimaced and growled and gnashed with his teeth,
But the fat guy was a
greenie, I wasn't scared in the least.
I sliced and I stabbed and taunted
him with each little parry,
But then Santa did something...that I found
quite scary.

He dodged my attacks with little effort it seemed,
And as he started to
chant, I started to scream.
The dead deer stood up, their undead eyes filled
with hate,
And they added to the combat, before I could gate.

He spoke not a word, but commanded the undead,
And I found myself not
with one foe, but with nine mobs instead!
They pwned me and owned me before
I could blink,
And as quick as they beat me, they were gone in a wink.

But I did hear him scream as I returned to bind spot...

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Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016