Posted Tue, Jul 23, 2013 by Uncle Lester
Uncle Lester may live in a van down by the river, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a gamer at heart. Always on the lookout for an unsecured Wi-Fi connection to use before being runoff, his quest for gamer glory continues!
Hello and welcome to the 22nd edition of Gaming with Uncle Lester! I’m your host of today’s show, Uncle Lester. So Mr. MyHouseIsF*ingHuge hasn’t come out since I told him he was scaring off the perps yesterday. Now as long as no actual perps come knocking on my van’s door, everything should be fine and dandy. Enough yammering about my awesome plan though!
Yesterday I talked about how awesome it would be if someone made a video game that let you play as The Rock in the modern world. That got me thinking about all the other awesome video game ideas I’ve had over the years that someone needs to contact me about. If you’re a game producer looking for your next smash hit, see my contact info at the bottom of this article and get back to me.
The first game I would make would be based on the greatest television show to ever come out of the decade of decadence – ALF. ALF stands for Alien Life Form and the character kicked off one of the greatest hype campaigns the world has ever seen. Everyone knew who the character was a year before the show was released and we loved him. He was sassy, interesting, and the most hilarious comic to ever grace this planet with his presence. Sadly, one year, he finally flew back to into space and has never been seen since. I miss that furry son of a bitch and dammit, we need him in a video game!
Next up would be Family Ties. It’s like the Sims but with 100 times less suckage. You’ve got a house, two parents, and three kids. Both the parents are tree hugging hippies of the umpteenth degree. One of their kids is a dumb bimbo, one is a scrappy tomboy, and the final kid is a Reagan-obsessed capitalist of the highest order. Episodic game content is all the rage these days, so all you would have to do is base each month of released content on a couple of TV episodes. Genius!
I don’t know why you’re not writing this stuff down. Keep up kid and get cracking! I expect to see at least 10 offers from different video game companies on my dashboard by Monday! What are you doing still sitting there? Get up off your ass and get me those offers!
That’s it for today’s show but tune in tomorrow for more from your Colorado cobra of the gaming world, Uncle Lester! Be sure to follow me on Twitter at @UncleLesterWIFI too or send me an email with your gamer topic at [email protected]!