Posted Mon, Jul 22, 2013 by Uncle Lester
Uncle Lester may live in a van down by the river, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a gamer at heart. Always on the lookout for an unsecured Wi-Fi connection to use before being runoff, his quest for gamer glory continues!
Hello and welcome to the 21st edition of Gaming with Uncle Lester! I’m your host of today’s show, Uncle Lester. Mr. MyHouseIsF*ingHuge came out a few times this weekend. I’m not sure if my cover is blown, or if he just doesn’t get the concept of a cop being undercover. I finally had to tell him to stay away claiming he was “scaring off the perps”. I hope he bought it.
Speaking of things that need to be bought, someone needs to make a video game about The Rock. This would finally be the video game title to destroy all previous sales records. You don’t believe me? Look youngster. I guarantee a video game all about The Rock would fly off the shelves like flapjacks at a fat kid camp. It’s the perfect title for the men and the women!
Think about it! You’ve got The Rock, who is awesome incarnate but living life in a Grand Theft Auto kind of world. You walk The Rock into a club with the goal of picking up chicks. Perfection of the raised eye brow come hither look and BAM! Woman caught and points scored. Add in the element of a randomly upset boyfriend that needs to be taken out with the People’s Elbow and BOOM! Dude knocked out and now you have bonus points.
It’s the perfect plan for a game. Dudes can run around throwing cars, dropping People’s Elbows, and yelling catch phrases like, “Do you smell what The Rock is cooking!” You get triple points if you use your superpowers to interrupt an NPC that’s answering a “What do you think?” question by hitting A+B to scream, “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!” in their face.
Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the chicks either. You can have a photo shoot mode where women can unlock different backgrounds and scenarios for each shoot. Add in a super power of The Rock being covered in body oils and you’ve got a smash hit. I mean… just think of how many sales you’d make. And how many marriages you’d save because no woman is going to leave her man when his Xbox let her play with The Rock. Now that I think about it, screw you guys. I’m going to get the game made myself!That’s it for today’s show but tune in tomorrow for more from your Kansas kodiak of the gaming world, Uncle Lester! Be sure to follow me on Twitter at @UncleLesterWIFI too or send me an email with your gamer topic at [email protected]!