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Reasons I Should Get to Go to SOE Live: An Open Letter to Boomjack

Updated Wed, Jul 10, 2013 by Shayalyn

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MAJOR BIG UPDATE STUFF: I didn't get fired, but I'm going to need a miracle to get me to Vegas for SOE Live. You can be the miracle! Just follow some Ten Ton Hammer social media feeds and enter to win some cool prizes in the Super SOE Ninja Loot Giveaway.



In just a few short weeks Sony Online Entertainment will host SOE Live at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas. And so far, I’m not on Ten Ton Hammer’s short list to go. Which sucks. Because I really want to be there when SOE unveils EverQuest Next on August 2nd, and if I’m not I might just, I don’t know...stick a fork in my eye. Or (and this is better, because it doesn’t involve forks or eyeballs, and I kind of like my green eyes) pop a Xanax or two and hide under the covers all day with my Kindle Fire watching streaming video and whimpering because it’s just not the same, damnit.

I don't want to miss this!

But I thought I’d try this tactic first. You see, it’s not that my bosses don’t like me, or that Ten Ton Hammer doesn’t have the funds to send me, or anything like that. The reality is that the stars have aligned against me. A whopping contingency of 7 awesome Ten Ton Hammer staff members (I mean this. They’re truly amazing. Not sucking up here, people!) are already slated to attend SOE Live because there will also be a senior management meeting in Vegas at the same time and, well, they’re making an event of it. Who wouldn’t want to offset a bunch of boring meetings with SOE Live excitement? In Vegas?

But I’m not senior management; I’m middle management. A features editor. Which means I’m potentially missing out on SOE Live this year by one step on the corporate ladder. I tell you, how fair is that?

So, this is my petition to my splendid, magnificent, truly wonderful senior bossman, supreme leader and all around swell guy, John “Boomjack” Hoskin.

Dear John,

I’ve never written a Dear John Letter before. This is weird. (Ignore this part if you get that Dear John Letter shit a lot. You can keep it in if you think it’s kinda funny, though.)

As you know, because someone as omniscient as you is keenly aware of all things that go on at Ten Ton Hammer, I am not on the list of staff members scheduled to attend SOE Live this year. It is my hope that you, the most magnanimous individual I’ve had the pleasure of knowing these past seven or so years as I’ve poured my lifeblood and creative energy into Ten Ton Hammer, will consider my request to be among the Hammer crew watching the EverQuest Next unveiling on August 2nd. Here are some reasons:

  1. I’m like you, John; Norrath was my virtual home for several years. I’ve traveled from Qeynos to Freeport, hunkered down in the East Commons tunnels selling (or buying) wares, had my newb half elf bard slaughtered by Fippy Darkpaw, exacted revenge upon Fippy Darkpaw, ditto Holly Windstalker, AoE buffed in PoK, killed Vox and Naggy and that stupid little guppy, Faydedar (for my druid epic weapon quest), sweated through epic raid wipe corpse runs in Fear...and so on. EQ was my first MMO love, so why wouldn’t I want to be there when the next great EQ game is unveiled to the world?
  2. SOE's Linda Carlson. Best dog hair beard ever.
  3. I’m not much of a drinker. (But you can buy me, like, a tequila sunrise if you want.) Or a gambler. You know what that means? I have a +20 immunity to Vegas, baby. Which means I won’t be distracted from writing my fingers off so I can tell our deserving Ten Ton Hammer fans about a stunning next gen MMO the minute I get news about it. Seriously, how cool is that.
  4. Raelly cool. Because I’m a gud righter. And I edit myself.
  5. Have I mentioned my camera? It’s a good camera. It shoots video in HD. In low light. And it has a 24X zoom. It’s a prosumer thing that cost the loving man who bought it for me for Christmas big bucks. (And for which I was appropriately grateful, believe me.) I have a nice tripod, too. And they’re all loaded with anthrax so no one will steal them. (I’ve spent the last few years developing an immunity to anthrax.) So, think of the great video and images I could capture for our fans!
  6. Linda Carlson. Linda is so cool. (Hi, Linda! I hope you read this. Tell John about the egregious oversight that has me not on the TTH list to go to SOE Live, would you? Thanks!) I don’t know Linda very well personally, but I know that I love seeing her dressed up as Brasse at SOE Live. And, as I recall, she makes Brasses’s beard out of dog hair, and the thing looks freakin’ REAL. (I know, I know -- it is real. There is no Linda, only Brasse.) For those of you who don’t know who Linda is, she’s Director of Global Community Relations for SOE, and she’s damn good at what she does. (Again, not sucking up. Why won’t you people believe me?) John, I must see Brasse's outfit this year. It's a fashionista thing.
  7. That thing Boomjack does when he gets the check.
  8. I’m usually the one minding the site back home while everyone else goes to events. This is mostly cool with me, because I have a pathological fear of large crowds and body odor. Still, I miss that funny thing you do when you get the check after we’ve all been dining out. And SOE Live is an event I can actually handle, because the crowds are easy to navigate and the people aren’t really smelly at all!

And so, those are the reasons why I should go to SOE Live, John. I could think of dozens more, but these really should suffice. I’m sending a kid off to college this fall (as an English major with a writing emphasis, and a minor in Game Design Communications. How cool is that?) Because college is expensive, there’s no way I can afford my own ticket and accommodations. If Ten Ton Hammer doesn’t see the value in my attending SOE Live, then I’ll be home with my Kindle Fire and some Xanax. (And potentially a fork, but that's a last resort.) Ten Ton Hammer would be better served if I were actually in Vegas writing, capturing video and ooing and aahing my way through the EverQuest Next reveal.

Yours very truly,

Karen “Shayalyn the Wood Elf Druid” Hertzberg
Writer, Editor, EQ Geek

p.s. - Can I borrow some Xanax, just in case?

/signed

/signed

Squee! I have one signature!

Hmmm... I remember getting whipped with flails many times while under the yoke of this one during our Vanguard days...

Haha. Teasing. Since you went to the effort of actually writing this up (I seriously thought you were just pulling me leg earlier), I'll /sign as well. ^_^

I do not kid about SOE Live or EQ Next. That stuff's serious business.

Meh, Karen works hard. She's earned a little Vegas vacation. :)

/le sign

I went on SOE's dime in 2009 as a VIP guest. Would have been a fabulous experience if I hadn't crippled myself playing 18 holes of golf in 115 degree weather on the first day.

And you're right. Linda is awesome. Have to dig up my pic with her while wearing my "I got banned by Kiara and all I got was this tee-shirt" shirt. ;)

/signed

/signed with a 12 sided die roll modifier

So....I normally read tentonhammer without posting anything and have never created an account.

Needless to say, I totally had to create an account to sign this because this was the best thing I have read in a very long time!

I hope things work out for you!

/sign!

Welcome aboard. :)

Why, thank you! Please, please spare me from the eye-directed-fork by sharing my Ninja Loot Giveaway (linked above) with your friends, relatives, pets that can type, and anyone else who'll join Ten Ton Hammer's social media channels for the chance to a) stay up-to-date on EQ Next stuff, and b) win cool SOE stuff.

From a perpetual EQ1 junkie, I think you should go! Tell the boss to let you go......or we'll send the boys round ;-)

/Sign

Alas, I was tasked with getting social media likes and followers to earn my keep...and I didn't quite reach my goal. I'll be watching SOE Live from the sidelines with the rest of you. But I don't blame Boomjack one bit, so let's leave his limbs intact. He's actually a nice guy. (You know, because he's Canadian and they only come in Nice.)

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