Cards Against Humanity's December Bonanza Returns

By Patsy Anderson -
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Yeah, okay, I hear you. Cards Against Humanity isn't an MMOG, but let's take a break from World of Warcraft here. While it might not be online, you could very well Skype your friends or do some fancy jazz hands and magic trick on Twitch, okay? Sure, it's not massively – and like Uno, I recommend at least a group of four to get started – but you don't break Guiness World Records by living up to mediocrity. Feel free to get massive at any time here. Two things in the above acronym that do hold true for Cards Against Humanity, however, are the words “multiplayer” and “game” so yeah, I'm writing about one of my favorite games ever created. Cards Against Humanity is more than just a mere game, however. It's a way to let your friends, relatives and loved ones know what a truly awful human being you are. If you do end up playing against relatives, though, watch out for Nan. You'll never see her card combos coming.

Not sure what Cards Against Humanity is? Well, have you played Apples to Apples? If no, what's wrong with you? Get some friends and have some fun. If you have played Apples to Apples, well, imagine that game, but more for adults and extremely depraved people. The worse you are as a human, the more likely you are to win at Cards Against Humanity. Even the Chicago-based company, which goes by the same name as their awful game, states that it's a “party game for horrible people.” There could not be a greater truth. Playing the game could be both very revealing about yourself, as well as those you are playing with.

Okay, so maybe you don't get the Apples to Applies reference. Maybe you're just now discovering fun for the first time, and you're testing the waters where group fun is concerned. Here's the basic idea. Everyone is dealt ten white cards. These cards all have words or phrases on them, such as “flying sex snakes”. After everyone has their cards, players take turns drawing a black card from the deck and laying it face up. These cards normally have one blank on them, so you can use your white cards to fill in the blanks (some just have questions to answer like bad one-line jokes). There are also cards that have two or three blanks. If you choose to use these during gameplay, make sure to draw extra white cards to replenish your stock, so you always have ten. Everyone but the person who laid down the black card pitches in white card answers, face down.

Depending on how your group chooses to play, you'll eventually end up reading these in some manner. I usually play it so the answers are turned face up, one at a time, with the white card filling in the black card's blank each time. The person who laid down the black card chooses a winner – this vary depending on the person choosing. Did this make you laugh? Did it make you cry? Did you just throw up a little? Most people try to guess what the choosing player would want. I prefer to play whatever card makes me cringe the most. I am a horrible person and I love Cards Against Humanity.

When you put your order in, you're asked a series of questions ("Which is your favorite Nick Cage movie?"). I assume this is to customize gifts.

Now that we've got the basics down for what the game is, and how to spot horrible people on the street, this seems like a good time to get on with what Cards Against Humanity does for the holiday season. In what they call “Holiday Bullshit”, you can expand your collection beyond normal means by signing up to have them send you old fashioned snail mail for a few days straight out of the year. Last year, they did Twelve Days of Christmas. This year, it's Ten Days (or whatever) Of Kwanzaa. Cards are mildly holiday related and you'll also get other bonuses. Last year, a mini card game, some posters of cards turned into art, a comic and other specials came in the pack. I'm excited to see what comes from these fine Chicagoans this year. If you thought of signing me up for more holiday bullshit this year, sorry folks, I jumped the gun on that one. May I suggest throwing some of the other packs my way?

Last year's bounty, including a personalized name card.

It's not just about expanding your card collection, either. Participating in Holiday Bullshit is a passive way to give to a charity, since Cards Against Humanity donates their proceeds to various charities throughout the period. Last year, we didn't get a card on one of the days. Instead, we got a letter letting us know where our money went. Out of all of my friends who participated, we all thought it was pretty rad. None of us were angry about it. Remember, we're all horrible people. Sometimes we can be softies, too.

Last year we sent 100,000 recipients original games, art, and a Cards Against Humanity card with their name on it.

This year we're bringing back the custom name card (with a new twist) for 250,000 people, upgrading the mail delivery to first-class, and adding some once-in-a-lifetime gifts that you can only ever get by subscribing.

Trust us on this - you'll be sad if you miss out on the last day's gift this year.

Another thing that Cards Against Humanity does, which I've always thought was pretty damn cool, is they have their base pack up on their website as a PDF. If you're feeling particularly crafty, print out and make your own damn cards. They have instructions and everything. Supposedly it takes about an hour and $10 worth of materials. Or you could just throw 25 bones at them for actual cards. The expansion decks are only available in exchange for real money, though. Also, if you live in Canada, Britain, or Australia, you can purchase special base decks that have been partially rewritten to make you perfectly horrible in your very own country's way.

I have no idea what this is, but I found it on my gaming machine, so, you're welcome.

Normally I don't like saying “HEY GUYS BUY THIS OK!” but I think this is a good exception. Basically, you spend $15, you get some bullshit, your money goes to charity. Need to get a gift for that cousin you barely know, because you lost at the Secret Santa draw? Why not some bullshit? I'm sure you have someone in your life who needs to have actual things sent to them through the real mail. If that person loves swears and is generally horrible, this is a pretty solid gift. If you end up missing out on getting yourself ten days or whatever of holiday bullshit this year, well, you can just watch me post dumb pictures of what I got to Twitter.

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About The Author

Patsy "Vendolyn" Anderson
Vendolyn's been playing MMOs since 1999, although Vendolyn in-game often becomes a long-term shelved alt. When she's not gaming, she's likely marathoning some questionable TV show or babbling about music to no end. She really likes goats.

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