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Ganked! August 6th, 2005

Posted Sat, Aug 06, 2005 by Ethec

Ganked! Saturday edition.
Ethec here with a weekend lowdown segment that my hazy Saturday morning brain has decided to temporarily label "Ganked!" Ganked in MMOG circles means, generically, to get ripped off. If someone comes along and in one round obliterates the feeble blightrat you've been struggling to kill without mana for the last 3 hours, thus taking all the experience and loot, you've been ganked.
Just like you've been ganked if you came here hoping to see some fresh insights from our mutual friend, Boomjack. To that end, no worries. Boomjack will be back on Monday with the "Loading..." segment that makes us laugh, cry, and want to curdle into our MMOG news turtleshell with the sheer ridiculousness of it all.
For now your forced to see what I consider funny. I've received word that what I consider funny is currently being printed out, wadded up, and used in conjunction with duct tape to plug small holes in Scandanavian oil tankers. This is a happy development; I'm glad to be doing my part to help the environment.
Without any further ado, on to the real news you can't really use. You can't make this stuff up.

  • Lemonade Stand Dispute Enters Arbitrage

    I'm beginning to think people like to make things complicated.
  • Noise-Making CD Published for "Revenge on Your Neighbors" .

    Why not just pick up a couple "Kid Bop" CDs at Walmart instead?
  • Dirty Names of Actual Cities.

    No, there is no actual "BFE". However, I actually mapquested the North American ones, and... yup.
  • Women Sets Record for Most Chess Games (1,100) Played in 17 Hours.

    Man, with enough caffeine I could do that. After 3 moves the computer declares victory and makes nasty comments about my parentage.
  • Kenyan Man Offers 20 Cows, 40 Goats to Bill Clinton to Wed Daughter Chelsea

    I was going to say something about a trade-in-kind, but that's just mean and hateful.
  • Woman Mistakes Biscuit Dough for Own Brains, Believes She's Been Shot.

    Scientists testing cognitive powers of Pillsbury dough, comparison to woman's brain underway.
  • Massachusetts Highway Signs Show Outline of Alabama

    It's not like they're next to each other!
  • Felines Can't Taste Sweets

    The research was funded by Mars, Inc., maker of pet foods and candy, and therein, friends, lies the joke.
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