Loading... December 23, 2005
May the holidays bring you everything you deserve and for those of you who gank me repeatedly in WoW may they bring you nothing but pick-up groups!
Seriously, thanks to everyone who takes the time out of their day to come visit us here at TenTonHammer.com. Our warmest wishes to you and yours during the holiday season and always.
I thought it was fitting that my last Loading... before Christmas should include a nod toward Clement Clarke Moore;
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Onyxia's Lair
Not a creature was stirring, not even an elder black bear.
The auction items were hung by the goblins with care,
In hopes that holiday shoppers soon would be there;
The Tauren were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of hay-bales danced in their heads.
And mamma in her 'flying tiger goggles, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a Winter Veil's nap.
When out in Orgrimmar there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my cot to see what was the matter.
Away to the inn I rode like a flash,
Right-clicked the innkeeper, made some quick cash.
The goblins were selling the new-fallen snow
To those who lots of spare copper to blow.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But an epic sleigh, and eight epic reindeer.
With a little old driver, wearing an axe and mail,
I knew in a moment it must be Winter's Veil
More rapid that griffins, these reindeer they came,
Father Winter whistled, and shouted, and said , "Lern2Play!"
"Now Crasher! now, Smasher! now, Ninja! now, Vixen!
On, Leegolas! On, Leagolas! on Leaaagooolas and Leeegoolas!
To the top of the fort! to the top of the wall!
Now hide the flag! Hide the flag! Hide the flag all!
As priests that before the all hunters group fly,
When they meet with beastial rage, to the graveyard, good-bye.
So up to the roof-top the epic deer they flew,
With the other teams' flag, and Father Winter too.
And then, in a twinkling I heard the rogue stealth
The taunting, the gouging, he sapped my poor self.
As I drew in my head, and was prepping to hearth
He dagger he rammed, in my back, boy it hurt.
He was dressed all in purple, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with blood, guts, and dirt.
A bundle of health pots had been flung on his back,
And he looked like a Gnome, made me want to yack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, he was puntable, I was ready!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work.
Stunlock, stab, stunlock, cripes, what a jerk.
And laying one finger in front of my face,
He ganked me in three shots, to my utter disgrace.
He sprang to his epic, to his group gave a holler,
And away they all flew to AB for more honor.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he rode out of sight,
"Lern2Play Nub, U SUCK! Ima Kill U All Night!"
A Vanguard Christmas... and more!
Here's what's new on the network!
- Vanguard: A Christmas Vanguard - Shayalyn brings you some classics
- EQ2: Holidays in Norrath
- EQ2: Writ Guide Update
- Guild Wars: Terms of PvP
- Vanguard: Beta Blues - The Do's and Don'ts of Beta Participation
- Win a Dungeons and Dragons Online Pre-Order!
- Guild Wars: PvE Build - Smite Monk - Taking the "un" out of undead.
- LotRO: Make Me Think, Not Twitch - MMOG Combat.
- EQ2: Cracking Down The Creator - A guide to beating the Play-Doh boss.
- Vanguard: Born To Be A Druid - Hugging trees is optional.
- EQ2: Exclusive Holiday Screenshots - Thanks Sony Online Entertainment
- EQ2: Guild Guide - Hardcore or Casual?
Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.
- Cadmium and Benzene Spill Into Chinese Rivers
Bottles of same expected to be sold soon in your local dollar store.
- School Changes Name of Christmas Tree to "Magical" Tree
Witches and Wiccans rejoice!
- British Commons Consumes 800 Pints of Booze a Day
Candian government boasts it can act drunk without any booze at all.
- Hubble Finds Rings Around Uranus
Personal hygeine takes a big step backwards.
As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin