Loading... January 6, 2006

By John Hoskin -

Thanks to the folks who sent in the names of personalities that they would like to poke fun at. It was a great list including Harrison Ford, The Wiggles, Arnold "The Gov" and even Sylvester Stallone. I'll pick one of the many prime targets and get cracking next week.
Congratulations to the Canadian junior hockey team for winning gold at the world championship last night.
It's Friday and that means the weekend is near. The community in an MMO changes dramatically on the weekend. Is it just me, or does the average IQ and skill of the players in MMOs drop like Paris Hilton at an open bar? Getting a good group becomes harder than pulling Oprah away from a publicity shoot and the chat channels are filled with so much gibberish that you would swear you were listening to politicians debate. There's a lot being said and none of it makes sense.
I don't claim to be funny, though I play a humour columnist on a website. The things that people post as funny in the MMO chat channels on weekends are sometimes not even comprehensible. One person will mention Chuck Norris and the drivel will start flying. At least make it funny folks.
"Chuck Norris plays a ranger in EverQuest because he was a ranger in Texas Ranger on T.V. Ha ha ha ha ha" isn't funny no matter how you read it. Of course, in the original version nearly every word including Norris would have been spelled incorrectly.
With the weekend also comes the dreaded Guild Looking For Members Spam. Here it comes..."We're a guild who will do end game raiding, PvP and help everyone out." Sure you will, both of you, because when I do a /who on your guild name that's all that shows up. If you can't even get 10 people to like you enough to form your guild then don't expect people to magically think you are worth hanging around with once you get the tag "Knights of Azeroth" over your head.
And another thing, what's with the guild names? Does every name need to have Azeroth, Horde, Alliance, Knights, Death or Bunny in it? Alliance Death Bunnies. Your Mudders A Horde. Death to Alliance. Death to Horde. Knights of the Alliance, you get the picture.
Enough of that...I hope you all have a great weekend.
I will be away from my desk until next Thursday. I will try to update Loading... in the morning from my hotel, but I can't make any promises.
New Comic - Famous WoW Players Presents: "Charlton Heston ".
Here's what's new on the network!

  • Vanguard: Anatomy of a Troll

    What are we talking about here? The big ugly greenish dudes in EQ, or the wise-cracking greenish fang-toothed characters who talk with Jamaican accents in WoW?
    Actually, none of these. Today, we will be looking at a different kind of troll…a verbal griefer if you will. They come in all sizes, colors, nationalities, and sexes (well, usually one of two). They have varying backgrounds, differing levels of education, and different paychecks. They come in all ages and backgrounds. They have one thing in common-they love to grief people on a verbal basis."
  • Vanguard: Necromancer

    " The Necromancer is one of Vanguard: Saga of Heroes arcane casters. Traditionally the Necromancer has been a master of the undead. This caster uses dark powers to summon the dead to do his bidding. This class also has traditionally made use of life stealing magic as well as damage over time spells."
  • Guild Wars: Interrupt Ranger Build

    " Rangers are one of the most versatile classes in the game. They can be trappers, runners, spikers and interrupters, and do it all well. They’ve got range and firepower, plus a lot of dirty tricks up their sleeve. "
  • EverQuest 2: Guide to Scornfeather's Roost

    " High atop the Clefts of Rujark, lies an area so horrid and dangerous (not to mention smelly, omg do you KNOW how much bird poop is in there?), even the mighty Rujarkian Orcs dare not enter (without gas masks). This roost of terror is littered with corpses whose little remaining flesh is fought over by harpies. As if a bunch of giant smelly bird critters isn't bad enough, there are snakes. Big ones."
  • New Year...New Game...New You? - Vanguard

    " This year, why not make different resolutions? Why not try to make some that won’t require dieting, or the purchase of a gym membership you’ll stop using after a month or two. Make resolutions that won’t deprive you of your twice-weekly Krispy Kreme or Starbucks addiction. Some time this year, if all goes well, Turbine will favor us with a shiny new game: Lord of the Rings Online: Shadows of Angmar (LotRO). Before you enter Middle Earth for the first time, why not resolve to be a better gamer? What does being a better gamer mean? Only you can make that determination. I’ll share a few suggestions, though, and you can figure out for yourself which ones fit."
  • New Year's Resolutions For Gamers

    " Heading to the gym more, losing a few pounds, eating less junk food, and spending more time with the family, these are all typical responses when asked what you're New Years Resolutions are. Can any of us really keep a straight face as we find ourselves reciting these familiar strains? Looking around the gaming community leads me to think that these recitations are in need of refreshing…something more along the lines of what gamers really ought to try for instead of these mainstream answers. "
  • EverQuest 2 - New Year's Resolutions

    " One of the most popular new year traditions is to make resolutions. People make promises to themselves to do things better or in some cases worse. This tradition is traced back to early Babylon when folks would make a mental note to return borrowed farming equipment (That reminds me, I should probably take that snow blower back to my neighbor). So let's grab a glass of champagne, put our arms around our neighbors and sing some “Auld Lang Syne”."
  • EverQuest 2 - Language Guide Update - U Nubs R Axin 4 it.

    "It's self explanatory. What are you looking here for?"
  • WoW: Paladin Guide Updated Post 1.9 Patch

    " Wishing they had Frost Shock since 2005"
  • EverQuest 2 - Assassin Guide

    " Like to be up in the mix but not be the focus of a monsters wrath?   With high damage stealth attacks the assassin moves in and brings the pain.  Not designed to take much in the damage department, it requires cunning and strategy for maximum efficency. One of their primary functions involves the ability to hide from most enemies, unleashing their strikes without warning.  Another involves being able to tip their blades with poision, causing damage and other adverse effects.  They are also one of the few classes trained to use thrown and projectile weaponry firing from a distance. "

Now on to the real world. You can't make this stuff up.

As always, thanks for visiting TenTonHammer.com,
-- John "Boomjack" Hoskin

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