Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

I have a friend who will only play female characters in MMORPG's. He always picks the most attractive and lithe races and spends insane amounts of time and care on physical generation. The hair has to be "just so", as do the eyes, the lips - right down to the character's height.

Now normally, being the sensitive and politically correct guy that I am, I would just tease him about his habits and make really offensive jokes in really poor taste, but the other night he sent me a mistell that brought his entire world into shocking clarity.

It was a *naughty* mistell.

It was a *really* naughty mistell.

And it was a really naughty mistell from the FEMALE perspective.

At first I was just a tad shocked, and instantly thought that he was trying to mess with me - because that's what my friends do, they mess with me. In fact, they screw with me to the point that I constantly check my back for "kick me" signs, even when I'm alone. Haha..I love my friends.

"Dude, are you cybering as a CHICK?" I asked laughing, expecting the obvious answer of "Gotcha" or some lame come on.

Instead I was shocked as he replied with a very sheepish "lol..yeah. sorry."

This of course spun me like a top. A zillion questions flooded my mind as I sat, barely blinking, as I stared at my monitor. Forcing myself to focus, I took all of my thoughts and feelings and jammed them into a single, poorly written question.

"Why?" I asked, hoping that the question was direct enough.

He proceeded then to unravel his entire gaming strategy on me, explaining to me where it started, and how he began his long and illustrious life as a Cyber Hussy.

He plays female characters because, as he puts it "Who wants to look at a guy's ass for hours on end?" Thus, his own insecurities forced his hand as he began making characters that he WOULD want to look at for hours on end. However, in doing so he inadvertently made characters that OTHER males would want to look at for hours on end - especially if they thought a REAL woman was behind the avatar.

It began harmless enough. He would play his character, level up, kill things - just like the rest of us.

It wasn't until he joined a guild that his life as a "Textitute". See, my friend has a RL name that is pretty unisex - and since he plays a female character, a few of his guildies started referring to him as her.

"I didn't notice at first - and I was about to correct someone when he ran up and gave me three plat." He confided, stressing that I can't reveal who he is.

"Dude. Three plat - for being a chick? I never corrected him, and I never really cybered or anything, and the free stuff just kept coming." He laughed as I called him a Hewhore.

He's since honed his craft - and left his guild. He has two characters that he is known on as being male, and both are guilded, but his other, lesser known avatars are out there, and he's playing them like the world's most talented grifter.

He never finds a mark - they find him. He'll flirt, emote, and in all ways play a female. He never claims to be when he gives his real name - but by the same token, he never claims not to be. When it starts getting to the cyber part, he'll string them along like a pro.

"I drop little hints like, "I can't right now, I need this much money for THIS, or I need this for that. Most of the time they'll offer me the money or item to help "save time". Two minutes of playing and I've got gear and plat that would have taken weeks of work." He admits as I get a bit skeeved out.

And he's even "been with" a few of our mutual friends who have no clue that he is who he is.

Is it wrong? Yeah. I'm guessing on a few levels, some of which make me do little hornky faces.

Is it illegal? Newp - its private chat and he never solicits. We go after HIM.

Is it funny? Yup, and damn smart in that whole "Oh god I can taste my spleen - I'm gunna hurl" kinda way.

So the next time you feel like getting your freaky Font on - just remember this;

"And dude, I'm not the only one. I know like three other guys who do the same thing!"

.....

Yeah. I just peed a little.

-Coyote