Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

Okay in general I only play three of the races that are currently available in EverQuest II;Kerra - Because giant cat people are just plain cool. Sure, you have plenty of Thundercats running around, and three quarters of the Kerra population are people named Kittty McPurrPurr or Meowmixplz D'liver, but the race on whole is just cool. Feline grace, strength and size, and best of all they are the absolute polar opposite of Frogloks, whom I hate.Human - Call me a purist, but this is the class I relate to most, plus on the plus side - no one usually PLAYS a Human, and I can make characters that look like me. This way when I die, I can sit back and reflect on my life, my avatar's death, and then write a song about why "death is like a fallen leaf" while wearing black and listening to German trance.Ogre - The big dumb lugs are just fun. I don't think I'm capable of effectively role-playing an "evil" race, but you take one of these piles of muscle, give it a three year old's out look on life and let the loose on the world? Muuuahahhhahah.That being said, I'm very happy with those three races. They are perfect for me and truly enhance my game play. But it kinda leaves questions and personal opinions about the other races that I would love addressed. Such as;Barbarians - Can we just say "taller humans" and be done with it? Sure, your women have Grade A cans, but other than being tall and busty...aren't you just human? Sure, yer used to the cold and what not - but we have tall humans who are used to the cold here on earth and we don't categorize THEM differently. What makes you so damn special? The woad? Is it the woad? Oooh..look! I can draw on my face! Yeah? Well so can my cousin Terry. He's tall and likes the cold and draws on his face, but we don't call him "Barbarian", we call him "Special". Dark Elves - The women are sexy and the men are named Drzzt, Drizzitt, Drizzyt and oddly enough, Hector. Male Dark Elves are the Emo race of Norrath. If you had a dungeon named "Hot Topic" it would need 93 separate instances just to support the rush of misunderstood loners.Dwarves - Are actually pretty cool, and would be a race I'd be interested in playing if the women didn't have beards. Look, I'll spell this out for you. I'm a 31 year old gamer geek. I play games like this to ESCAPE WOMEN WITH FULL BEARDS. Stop slapping reality back into my game damn it.Erudites - Like Trolls, I will say nothing bad. Not out of fear, but out of the off chance that they'll look at me with their crackhead eyes. I know that they are supposed to be scholars and masters and all brilliant and stuff but they come across like junkies. If an Erudite ran up on me and asked me for a copper, I'd throw my whole coin purse at them and beg them not to mug me. You don't get eyes like that from reading, I'm sorry.Froglok - Whose idea was it to give them Shakespearean flair? Do you know how many thee's and thou's and thus's are in the Shakespearean dialect? "TH" in general requires lips and a tongue that isn't ninety feet long and covered in bugs. This is either a really mean joke, or a really funny one depending on how my hatred for them swings that day. Plus, do they HAVE to hop EVERYWHERE? We get it - yer a big frog - but come on, you stand UPRIGHT. Evolution dictates that if you finally develop in such a way that you walk on two legs, you don't hop EVERWHERE you go. It's annoying and I think that they're doing it on purpose. Also, please note - every Froglok ever created has a name like Hoppy McFly or Kurmet D'phrog. These are obviously the only names that the filter will allow. If you try to put in anything else it'll get rejected.Gnomes - Do they ALL have to look like Egon from "The Real Ghostbusters" animated series? These little egg head geniuses are supposed to be the frelling "Mensa" of EverQuest, but instead blow all of their research grants on coming up with names like "Cogblocker" and "Foshozzle My'nozzle". Small hands, smell like cabbage - say no more.Half Elves - Humans for Humans who don't want to feel lame playing Humans, but know that the other races suck. I can't really find much fault with Half Elves because they are so generic that there is really nothing to hate. So other than the few billion "Tanis" incarnations running around they're really not that bad.Halfling - Classic DnD Haffers. A pudgy hairy footed race of happy little cookie bakers who feel more like your chubby Aunt Mary than an adventurer. ......So what's with the bald gene? Seriously. Do they ALL have to have bad combovers and shiny domes? And let's not even TALK about facial hair. What is it about being bald that makes you spike a three feet wide mustache or grow Wolverine sideburns? Dude, yer three foot tall and almost two hundred pounds - the only "Snick" yer getting is in your daily diet of snickers bars. Shave and shave now, because you look ridiculous. Also, if you are a Halfling and your name is any variant of "Frodo", Roekilik assassins should come out of nowhere when you least expect it and kick you in the nads.High Elves - I know! Let's make a race of snobs! Every other race should get a special day of the week dedicated to beating the hell out of High Elves. Granted, I know NOTHING of the race, but I just KNOW that they are looking down on me and I cannot STAND it. Iksar - Frogloks with attitude. More the reason to hate them, but at least they don't hop everywhere. Still, there's something about the Sleestak that bug me, but I just can't put my finger on it. Do they have naughty parts? I mean they HAVE to have naughty parts right? But they are big Lizards and Lizards don't have any obvious pokey parts that stick out. Hmmm..maybe that's why they walk funny.Ratonga - EM EYE SEE (See what? You're wearing the little glasses from The Three Blind Mice. What could you POSSIBLY see? Hey Morpheus - lose the shades and wake up to the reality that your race SUCKS.) KAY EE WHY (Why? WHY god WHY? They are like inbred gnomes. Names like Mikey and Mickee and Jerry and Squeakers. If I had my way, high level Ranger traps would look like giant mouse traps and ONLY work on Ratonga.) EL AY EM EE OOOOH. Trolls - Scare me. I have nothing nasty to say or ask about Trolls. Just please don't smile at me. Ever.Wood Elves - Go wash your face. Forest cameo only works if you are in the FORREST and not clinking around in pink armor. At least you guys finally got the concept of "railings" in your little tree cities. Sure, it only took 500 years, but what do you expect from a race that rubs droppings on their face so that they can "hide" better.So, for what it's worth - that's my view on the races. Some are good, some are bad, but I think we can all agree on one thing;Frogloks REALLY need to stop hopping. I mean it.-Coyote
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