Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

As I took yesterday off to play Warhammer Online I realized:

"You guys suck."

While yes, I do have the preorder, and yes - I do have the game installed and the ability to play (probably with more patching), I just can't bring myself to do it.

Yet.

Yesterday truly was a day of illness, although I will admit fully to the temptation to play. As I laid there miserable with nothing to watch on 500 channels of cable television while fielding phone call after phone call from work, I knew that sleep was out of the question. And in my feverish deliriums I thought to myself:

"Ya know, I could just prop up in front of the ol' PC and play Warhammer Online."

But then I remember the one thing that was stopping me. More than the flu, more than I hate never getting my character names, more than anything - I hate:

Launch time.

I don't even know why they bother to call them launches. When you use the word "launch" you envision a rocket ship of exploration sailing majestically into the sky while the plume of smoke behind it scorches the earth and deep fries underpaid and quickly replaceable launch crews. You see something leaving the safety of the platform and slowly gaining speed before flying steadily on its own.

It is beautiful.

It is awe inspiring.

And it is the WORST WORD EVER to describe the first few days of any game's release.

For the most part game launches are bug filled, spastic events full of angry people who type in all caps, stupid people who don't follow directions and the smug few who have NO problems on launch and tell everyone to quit whining because the game works perfectly.

Which is a lie, because there is no such thing as a "perfect" launch. You can have a "good" launch, or a launch that is better than other games that you remember, but the "perfect" launch is unattainable. And even if it was, day one is a bitch. Everyone wants to be FIRST in line. FIRST to play. FIRST to see the world and discover its bounties and because of that there is lag, crowding, and frustration.

No, launch days aren't for me, thanks. I'll just watch Latex Jail Vixens on Skin-a-max on demand...

...and remember the fallen.

And by the fallen I mean - the games we've left behind.

Five or six years ago your choices for MMOG's were limited, and everyone who played did so in one of the key games. The more we played, the more our community developed and the more really fat white guys in expensive suits thought to themselves:

"Holy hell, we can make an ass-ton of money off of these games."

So they started developing even MORE worlds for us to choose from. Genres, styles, and whole universes were created in order to pull us in and steal us away from the limited choices that we had. And as these games became successful even MORE really fat old white guys said...

"Holy GOSH DARN!* WE have to get in on this!" (*"Holy GOSH DARN!" is the current white guy vulgarity of choice.)

And even more games popped up, with even more choices, more worlds, and more adventures for us all to go on. But in the mad rush to climb to the top of the video game world and snag the crown of "r00l dem awl" something began to change and the gaming community that was once whole was split into three factions:

The Loyalist - Refusing to ever try anything new, the Loyalist is still playing EverQuest. I don't mean that he holds an account, or that he has gone back and started after years of break, I mean THIS GUY IS *STILL* PLAYING EVERQUEST.

He still logs in day after day, still explorers and goes on adventures, and somehow still has only mediocre gear, and god damn it - THAT is the way he likes it.

The Loyalist hates change and refuses to ever try anything new, quickly dismissing it if it is made by a company that he hates, looks like something else that he's read about, or if it will not run on his Pentium II Packard Bell.

The Hopper - Also known as "The MMO Junkie", or "The Taea" (I am so dead for that.) the Hopper just wants their fix. They LOVE new games, new zones, new ideas and jones for that rush of excitement that comes with a new game so badly that they hop from MMO to MMO upon release and usually have an end-game character before the game actually launches. They've played BETA, Pre-BETA, unannounced Pre-BETA, and were seen licking theglass outside of the building that held the first ALPHA testing.

By the time the rest of us catch up to them and join them in the new game of choice they've moved on to the next release because the content, while new to US, is actually months old for them.

The Missing - Bertram. Bertram got really into the 60's and no one ever saw him again.

Between trying to find new games, hopping platforms, and being left behind, the Missing are the friends that simply disappear. Once a fixture in any group, the Missing were either left us behind, went to a game that failed, or simply faded from our memories, but not our hearts.

We miss the most.

So while I have Warhammer Online, Pre-Order and I am tempted to load up and play - I think I'm going to hold off at least a couple of weeks.

I'll let the dust settle. I'll let those who need to be first rush to the end of the road while never seeing the details along the path they took, I'll mourn those that we lose in shifting between the games, and more likely than not...

I'll become a Loyalist because I'm just not READY to give up EverQuest II yet.

The game is STILL FUN....dammit.

-Coyote