Cuh teek a loo!
Updated Mon, Nov 10, 2008 by Coyote
Vah breen fredashay goh?
Translation: They're making a F***ING SIMS MOVIE.
Yup. Already in production producer John Davis is optimistic that this movie can be one of the few, the proud - the GOOD video game to movie translation.
I on the other hand just chamooga'd myself.
Now, I know what you are thinking:
"What do the people who live in Chad look like?"
I have absolutely no idea. Chad doesn't even SOUND like it should be a real country, but if you look on a map and venture to the places you'd never go because they're full of sand and people who eat fried bugs, there it is.
Chad.
Just sitting there with its blonde hair and popped collar looking like a total prick, but getting all the girls because his Dad got him a brand new car for his 16th birthday like you see in the movies.
I frigging hate Chad.
Mostly this hate stems from the fact that Chad Thomas hit me in the face with a dodge ball REALLY hard in the 11th grade and gave me a bloody nose. Everyone did that "OooOoh-fight-fight" thing and formed a circle around us, but I didn't fight him because I'm above petty violence and he would have turned me into a pretzel.
I mean the kid was already BALDING in the 11th grade.
You don't SCREW with a kid who is losing his hair by sixteen. It's just an ingrained survival mechanism. If someone is already DONE with the puberty you've barely started and BALDING in the 11th grade, you LET him hit you with a dodge ball. You don't FIGHT a kid like that.
Instead you come up with really insightful-yet-cruel nicknames for him that haunt him the rest of his life and covertly spread them around the school.
Now, I know that Chad Thomas probably has NOTHING to do with the actual country of Chad, but you know what? I'm not really 100% confident in that knowledge, so just in case - I hate them by proxy.
If you think that this is silly or petty or childish, just remember that if there was a country called "Coyote" and it was suddenly thrust into the media for starting trouble, you'd all secretly think that I was involved, or at least KNEW something about it.
Not so silly NOW is it?
But I digress, and hey - you brought up the whole Chad Thomas thing, I was trying to talk about the Sims game, so stop distracting me. Barring all thoughts of Chad from the rest of this conversation you SHOULD be thinking:
"How can they make a movie out of a GAME...that has no goal or plot?"
Dude.
It's HOLLYWOOD.
Seinfeld was the show about nothing but it was on for 12 seasons. I'm pretty sure that making ONE movie with no plot isn't that big of a deal to them. But still, on that concern John Davis gave us our answer.
The movie itself is going to be about a family that finds a video game in a video store that they never noticed, takes it home and realizes that by PLAYING it, they're affecting and controlling all of the people in their neighborhood and lives. This of course backfires on them as it would do in reality, and they learn valuable life lessons within 90 minutes, not including time for previews and commercials.
Yeah, don't think that I haven't noticed the COMMERICALS in my movie theaters now, but THAT is a rant for another day. (And FYI, I'm pretty positive Chad is involved.)
The problem with this movie is that it shouldn't be a kids game full of lollipops and giggles. It should be a porno...
...filled with lollipops and giggles.
Now before you roll your eyes and go all angry on me, let me explain:
* An estimated 28 MILLION people play the Sims.
* The average Sim player puts 96 hours into the game.
* 95.7 hours of this is in trying to get your Sims to have sex, or at least make the two HOT neighbor chicks kiss.
Okay, so I made up the first two facts - but come on. No one plays the Sims in order to PLAY the Sims. You try to get the Chicks to kiss, burn down houses and have swimming pool parties so that you can take away the ladder and watch them all drown. If you had the power that you have over your Sims in REAL life, the power of a GOD for all intent and argument, it would corrupt you before it was even done loading.
And by you of course, I mean me.
But I still contend that most of you would be just as bad, if not even worse. There would be no life lessons learned or good strong family values gleaned from the strife that one causes and learning from mistakes to be a better person - and if you say otherwise you are a damned dirty liar, and probably from Chad.
No.
If the Sims the GAME were a remote control for real life, your neighbors would not be a tool in which you used to better yourself. They would be cooking in the nude on a really complicated stove in a house FULL of wicker furniture. Chicks would be making out everywhere, people would find themselves magically walled into a 2X2 room in which they can't lay down so they just cry and pee a lot, and the Grim Reaper would be making a ton of cash working overtime.
To put it bluntly - this is a HORRIBLE idea for a movie. It proves that people are sheep, and that we will watch ANYTHING that Hollywood vomits into our laps. Needless to say:
I can't wait for it to hit the theaters.
Because even in a horrible movie with a trite plot, and a paper thin premise that is trying to cash in on a pop culture phenomenon, you can never EVER get enough...
..of two chicks kissing.
Yeah.
That's nice.
-Coyote
((OH, Hey! The NEW Avast Ye is finally up. I guess the servers were stored in the eye of the hurricane and landed in Oz or what not. JUST GO READ IT YA SWABS!))
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Oh what the hell?
I mean....Vah tene guh mada? *changes a lightbulb in a puddle of water*
That is one of the worst ideas I have ever heard.
Very good point Silly!
I honestly do not know where Chad is located. 1) Pauly shore did a movie where they went to fight the people of Chad, I think it was filmed on location in Chad and if Pauly shore is still there, I want nothing to do with it. 2) I don't spend a single minute of my day looking at a globe, call me crazy but I have more important things to do, i.e. explore the galaxy with my spore peeps. I appreciate the ignorant masses represented by Madhog for constantly being unable to govern themselves and virtually requiring the United States to take action less millions of people be slaughtered cause of some religious mumbo jumbo.
No problem Higgins.
Water up the ass is germany as you well know.
We only have a queen to entice the rich americans than can afford to visit London so we can become even richer than we already are.
Did you make a comment on a system of governmenty type crap, even though she has no power and is like Disney to us??
Did you Mr I Dont Do Politics??
Think we should have a system of government which is based around wealth and oldness and whiteness?? No, but thanks!
Kippers are awesome. Smoke me one, Ill be back tomorrow.
PS. Just re read yer crap above, erm, adverts during movies at the cinema? Are you serious? At the beginning sure, but surely not IN the middle of the movie like on the TV?!
Badion.
Madhog is the resident ball buster.
He doesn't mean anything by it other than to get the rise that he just got out of you.
Damn you for feeding him, now he's gunna gloat. Through really bad British Teeth.
Crap!
Well played sir.
Coyote with the ninja move's.
You are English Madhog and you have the balls to come down on America. Are you kidding me. I am not even gonna write formal anymore. Your country has progressively butchered the English language and you are slaves to America. That is not an opinion but a fact. The whole world stood against us in the UN when bush wanted to go to Iraq and your country was in the back going, "Pick me Pick me, Ill go". Stop being so dumb.
Look, I do not agree with the way the country is run most of the time. It cost me way to much to live here and I am still not sure what an Orange Julius is. But I refuse to let some one, who we have rescued from German invasion, act like they own the world. You are on a freaking island, how hard is that to defend? There is water on all sides? AND you had RADAR!!!!!!! Come on!
Jen, I blame you for this. Crawls onto comfy couch and pouts.....Just leave me alone....
And Storm wins the column for the day...
Just teasing... ;) Storm would never harm me. Besides he knows I could hurt him badly.
Storm you are such a suck-up...Sheesh...
Chad? The african country you mean?
Wow how wierd is that?
Oh dont tell me noone in the US has ever heard of it....
*sigh*
Here you go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chad
What a terrible idea! But I have no doubt they'll make at least a $100 on thie dang thing.
I'm one of the few people in the world that has never seen the Sims, let alone played it and really wished I had a movie to see on the subject.
Yeah, my brother's done the "wall them up" and the "take away the pool ladder" I usually do the "make them do the complicated repairs or cook w/ no cooking knowledge on a complicated stove. And I heard there's a sims code to make your sims naked and have explicit sex. I haven't found that code, but it would be a good part for the movie for sure.
*Twitch*
Are you kidding? I am dumbfounded that this made it past the script screening, of course, Brendan Fraiser movies keep popping up, I thought that guy was dead.
Hilarious thought, they should animate the movie using the sims game. That way they stay true to form.....and I will know how bad it is MONTHS before it is released to Hulu, I mean theaters.
...
Where's my posting??
Just because you don't know where Chad is doesnt mean it isn't there stupid american!
Madhog Says:
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:23 am
Just because you don’t know where Chad is doesnt mean it isn’t there stupid american!
-------------------
Americans have known where Chad is since 2004 when they started exporting oil.
Land of the free my arse!
I bet they dont deny the existence of the USA in Chad, nor do they CENSOR postings saying it's so either.
Why so resistant to education?? I guess they do say ignorance is bliss, because you seem happier than a pig in poo.
Facist!
Ah I see Radar, so this is a racist issue eh?
Hey Stormy, come over here my friend, see the ignorant white folks try to cover the truth up!
/point
/laugh
Hmmm...so is it murdering your neighbors (like punishable by law) if they die because you used a game that controls them to make them do something stupid that got them killed?
I liked the Drew Carey episode where they had a part that was the sims. One of the bosses was dancing naked in his office and then Mimi goes in there, and after pausing a moment, she joins him in the dancing.
I've got mixed feelings about the movie idea. On one hand, it seems stupid and I don't know how it could be any good of a movie, but on the other hand, I'm curious how they figure out that the game characters are their neighbors and if they do anything evil to the characters before and then after they realize the real life relation.
Um....I am afraid Seinfeld lasted 9 seasons, not 12. (looking at his boxed sets of seinfeld)
Kunane, maybe he meant that it felt like 12
Sorry Kunane - I'll check my facts better next time. Usually I'm a lot better at my research than that.
Weird.
It's almost like I took some arbitrary number that I didn't even look up and just typed it down.
What a crazy random happenstance.
Madhog Says:
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:42 am
Ah I see Radar, so this is a racist issue eh?
-------
Well we *ARE* American right? I know exactly where Chad is. Right below terrorist supporting Libya and next to some other country that makes a bunch of oil. Starts with an "N" I think.
Yea how could you coy?
*giggle*
You might know where it is Radar, but Im guessing Mr Thicky who writes this column doesnt.
Wondering why he hasnt mentioned his public education too...
Always trying to help a friend...
Anti paragraphs and punctuation eh Badion?
I do not represent anyone unable to govern themselves and neither require the USA either virtually or in reality take any action on my behalf either.
Ta.
Madhog Says:
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:24 am e
You might know where it is Radar, but Im guessing Mr Thicky who writes this column doesnt.
Wondering why he hasnt mentioned his public education too…
*****************************************************************************
I don't NEED to know where Chad is. Chad fits into that mystical place I like to call "Over THERE" as I wave my hand dismissingly.
I will never go to Chad. Or Iran, or China, or Yemen, or any other weird country where they don't speak English and women have to dress like they're afraid of getting dusty. Therefore I have no real need to know WHERE these places are unless they attack us, suddenly develop a "free love orgy" society that I want to join, or are discovered as a source of super power mutations.
And even THEN I'm taking the word of the Pilot that I really DID end up in the country of destination because I usually fall asleep on planes and have never been there.
Chad sucks and its location is BENEATH me to know. However if it were renamed "Hooterville" you can bet your last weird coin that you 3rd worlders use for money that I'd have the Lat and Long tattooed on my ass.
Good DAY sir.
Ahhh thanks for clearing that up Cletus.
Look! Road kill!
*sigh* Im currently in a Business Architecture Tools class in Brussels, Im the eldest student (duh) and the other, younger, students keep glaring at me and shushing me for giggling.
Oh and heh, you made fun of our money. Only Zimbabwes money is worth less than the USD.
*giggle*
Oh ta for getting the man to release my political prisoner posting at the top of this.
You SAY it's worth more, but let's face it...
To WHO?
Other people in gross countries that don't use toilet paper because the toilet shoots water right up your butt?
Whatever soggy ass.
And I'm not mocking just your money. I'm mocking your dental system, the fact that you eat something called "kippers" and that you still have a frigging QUEEN. Way to step into the future with your out-dated feudal system. Does she protect you from the plague and dragons?
America RULES pal. And if you don't agree it doesn't matter because we'll bomb the SHIT out of you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chad
Madhog slipped in hypocrisy when he wrote:
Think we should have a system of government which is based around wealth and oldness and whiteness?? No, but thanks!
******************************************************************
Queen = Rich, old, white.
Um..
You might wanna look at your figurehead for a moment Captain Diversity. Your entire COUNTRY is full of JUST white people. In fact you can't even GET into England if you are anything but white. You guys are like a global Klan rally with worse teeth. In fact, the rebel flag looks a lot like your current pal.
Mr. Madhog,
I am glad that you chose to right into this blog today. I am in sore need of way to vent my days frustration. I have no issue with Chad. The mere fact that it is a country that I do not know the location of is not of consequence to me. I have a problem with you. The list is long so please read carefully.
To begin, your education in Business Architecture Tools does not qualify you to "grade" my previous writing sample. As this is an informal forum, I am not one to spell check or grammar check on a regular basis. I will however site your poor grammar and punctuation, "Only Zimbabwes money is worth less than the USD". "Zimbabwes" should be writeen as Zimbabwe's, thus indicating the ownership of said money. "Im" is also correctly punctuated as I'm, I am sure you know why.
I am shocked that you would be arrogant enough to make a claim that all people in America are white, ignorant, racists. Let me begin by saying that you are the reason I do not know where Chad is located. People, just like you, walk around all over the world with their thumbs up their arse and make blanket statements regarding the nature of a country they do not understand, based on facts they gather from morons like themselves off of a place called the I-N-T-E-R-N-E-T. As a student, you should have been taught that you need to check your sources. The internet, almost every square inch of it, is NOT an acceptable source.
Now, I must know, who, Mr. Madhog, do you represent. Please do not give me the stockpile answer that you represent yourself and that your views are your own. That is well below the answer I expect from an arrogant person of your culture. Please, know that I am ready and willing to continue our conversation till it comes to its proper conclusion.
I was gonna correct all the spellings in Badions post but its 430, we're done for the day, and as funny as that woulda been, I really cant be arsed.
Coy, look, stop it, the queen has NO power here, she doesnt make laws, shes a tourist attraction for the chinese and yanks, she doesnt order people to be beheaded, she doesnt play greensleeves, shes just an old bint who certain other countries find facinating. And come here to spend their worthless dollars to look at.
Union Jack...rebel flag, hey guess which was first? Moron!
Erm I wasn't gonna but what the hell, hey Bad, lighten the hell up, and stop making blanket statements about me and my people. Sheesh.
Oh and can you all come out to play tomorrow? You've helped my day fly past!
*giggle*
HAHAHAHA! OMG this is to great.....
*sits on the comfy couch with popcorn*
Oh come on coy, sit with me and watch.........
Sorry Badion, but Madhog is harmless.
He's a true geek with the need to tork people off for giggles. Your best defense is to point out that he's a pikey, knicks up tha wickasham and to come up with phrases that sound British but aren't and only serve to remind him that on British Television the TOUGH guy is always American, but on AMERICAN television the British guy is always a servant and / or gay.
Nimbledy Crickets.
HAHAHA! I thought about warning you babe...but figured it would be more entertaining thins way. I'm sorry dear...
*hugz Badion*
*hands Badion the popcorn*
Coy is mean....I think he is ignoring me....
Hmm after walking back to the hotel I just decided I owed Badion an apology and an explanation.
I tend to forget that the hillbilly gets new readers sometimes, who dont understand the complicated relationships that exist here.
I certainly do not hate the US, the opposite is true in fact.
I do however enjoy trying to get a rise outa Cletus, and was hoping for something other than the usual teeth thing he's obsessed with. Today he managed it tho! Higgins made me giggle in class! Bravo Coy!
I didnt expect anyone else to take the banter the way you did, which I do apologise for.
Back on track though, erm I believe the lead actor in House is a badass ballbreaker and hes english. You also neglect to mention Ive been brought up on a good vision of the true USA with Jerry Springer, Americas Worst Drivers, Simpsons, Hannah Montana, Married with Kids and The Fresh Prince.
Pikey doesnt bother me btw, but, and this is serious, its treated like the *N* word in the UK now heh, sad but true. Stupid gyppos.
Happily I have Blade to watch tonight, followed by Starship Troopers, which is small consolation for not being able to play WAR while away from home for the past week and the next 4 days.
I dont hate the US, I do hate Coyote though. Like a brother. Or a lover. Like I said, its complicated, so dont take anything I say with any seriousness Bad.
Oh and I am *not* harmless.
Good day sir!
*Pulls foot out of Mouth*....*Grabs Red Pen*......*Pulls out hit list*....*Scratches off Madhog, replaces with jensweet*
Its ok Jen, its a paintball gun, but these things sting.
I posted this link to the "Phorum that Must not be Named" Sims site. Except they have a sense of humor, unlike most other Sims sites. Heck, they might even read your back articles ;)
DId I read all this right? Did everybody, BUT the token black guy, drop the race card?
Unbelievable, how's that for racism and repression? First you stole rock, then rap... NOW the race card?
Just WOW... 0.o
*cackle*
I have one thing to say...
Ahem....
Smeg.
Eh hem...
First and foremost, I'd like to thank God, and Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour (ALL black people say this, it's union rule...). I'd like to thank my mom (no one every thanks the fathers directly...), and the rest of my family, for all the love and support through the years that lead up to this moment... *sniff*
I'd like to thank the Academy, for honoring my with this awesome award... eh? WHAT!?
Eh hem... um, thanks for the column win Coyote... =/