Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

The week in news is slowing to a trickle, I've been too busy to game even in passing, and my inbox has been filling up with questions of a more "personal" nature...

So I took the hint and slapped together a less gaming, more me oriented version of the mailbag in order to answer some of the harder hitting questions that have been piling up.

Because it's all about Mii, or ....my Wii....

...oh...you'll sii - (HA! See what I did there?)

"Uncle Coyote's Bulging Sack of mail.......about him"

"Did you ever get your Wii?"

Yes! I yes I did!

As many an alert reader has pointed out, there are MANY places that sell the Wii that you would never expect a Wii to be sold at. I was told to try my local Blockbuster Video, and at first my response was:

"Um. I don't want a used one. It's probably full of cockroaches."

I blame my mother for this. You see, although we grew up poor we never EVER had cockroaches, which as you know are the armor wearing ants of the inner city. We NEVER had them no matter where we lived, and because of this my mother was on constant RED ALERT for cockroaches.

No matter what you brought home, she'd scream, scramble, and tell you to "take it outside" because it might be full of cockroaches trying to Trojan horse themselves into her fortress via a garage sale knickknack.

So when they told me to try Blockbuster Video I was extremely hesitant. They then explained that no one rents videos or movies any more, so Blockbuster had to expand and they now sell video games and consoles. With EVERY major store and chain sold out in a 100 mile circle around my house, I waltzed into Blockbuster and sure enough...

...the had a Wii.

I bought it, paid for it, and drove home a happy man, so thank you.

(I then took it out on the front porch and shook the shit out of it just in case. Frigging crafty ass cock roaches.)

"Isn't Palin hot? Are you voting for her because it'll put boobs in the White House?"

Compared to every other potential Vice President EVER, yes - she is hot. But do I think that she's the super sexah MILF everyone is making her out to be?

Not so much.

She has Hulk neck.

What is Hulk neck you ask? That's when women in their 40's go nuts with the exercise and dieting and health fads and try to get SUPER IN SHAPE so that they can make their daughters uncomfortable by dressing like them and asking them to call them "Sister" when they go out. It's this hyper active super tight turkey neck where is she were to swallow a large hunk of food you could actually watch it squeeze down her throat like a python eating a bird.

Still, scary Hulk Neck and Fargo accent aside, no - I do not find her attractive, but yes, if given a choice out of which Vice President Hopeful or even Vice President I would ever want to do, she is in first place by a MILE.

....unless Quayle wears his sexy bike shorts.

Then it's him.

"You need to find Jesus, you could expand your readership."

He's missing AGAIN?!

Seriously. Lowjack that guy or at least throw something up on a milk carton. Why does he ALWAYS need finding? Does he have Alzheimer's? Does he forget who he is, or does he go like insane and think that he's Tom Smith, a retired carpenter from Fresno?

HA! Get it? Because crazy people think that their Jesus, so if JESUS went crazy he'd ...probably..ya know..think..

...

Milk carton. Hehe.

Sorry, right now as a gamer...well... I'm not LFG (Looking For God).

"You have a definite charisma, have you ever considered running for any type of public office?"

No.

I hate politics.

What's more, I hate that when someone asks your opinion on politics or a political topic and you give it, they start yelling and screaming and clawing at the desk because they have the opposite opinion and disagree with you so strongly that they spit and turn red. The truth is, politics are like religion.

Everyone wants to know what your views are so that they can scream at you and cram THEIR views down your neck, or agree with you because you share the same ideas and then offer you a glass of the same flavored kool-aid that you both enjoy.

The truth is, I'm just not passionate enough about politics to get involved, and for that YOU should be thankful. Do you know the kinds of Chaos I could create if I was ever given ANY type of real power? Seriously, anyone who knows me will tell you that not only do I NOT seek power, I know that I shouldn't have it because the first thing that I'll do is abuse it blatantly for a laugh.

Plus? I don't believe in Democracy or the President. I mean I do, but I wouldn't if *I* were elected. I would be the Supreme Ruler of All and anyone who questioned me or had a difference of opinion would be banished to the Grizzly Pit where they would have to fight angry bears wearing spiked helmets until they saw things my way.

See? No. No politics for me.

...unless you can guarantee that I win and can start construction on the Grizzly Pit. Then I'm in. Where do I sign up?

"How much hate mail or Harry Potter threats do you REALLY get?"

Ahhhh, one of my favorite questions. "Do you really get hate mail?" The answer is a resounding YES!

...but I will admit, it has tapered off quite a bit.

I'm just not controversial. My points and opinions reflect the majority of most geek groupings, I don't write about politics or religion unless I'm mocking them tongue-in-cheek, (Which DOES get the hate mail flowing) and I'm rarely opinionated about any one subject with enough conviction to actually argue my point. And while I still do get the occasional piece of love in my inbox informing me that I'm retarded or at the very least, mentally unbalanced...

It's a trickle now, at best.

Unless I post MEGA-OFFENSIVE PICTURES.......like...say...THIS...

Oh Red-X, how I have missed you.

That choking sound was my manager RadarX swallowing his tongue. Which is good because he's also a source of hate mail.

"You won't get picked for the contest because you fail at being evil. Your application video wasn't evil at all. I would have gone for something darker and scarier because you missed the whole point of being evil."

...

I've gotten a few helpful comments like this from people who have seen the YouTube video of my Evil League of Evil application. I've been told that I don't come across as evil, that it needs to be more dramatic and scary and that I should have chosen a more serious name or super power.

To you helpful folks, I'd like to ask:

ARE YOU EVEN REMOTELY FAMILIAR WITH *ANYTHING* JOSS WHEDON HAS DONE?!?

YEESH. The genre isn't about the text book examples of evil, it is the Whedonverse skew of evil and I assure you - in that world I am pretty much Satan with a flaming glove. For the world of Dr. Horrible, my application couldn't get much eviler if I mailed it in a box made out of babies using puppy heads for stamps.

THAT my friends is the true face of EVIL.

It is not I, who have missed the point - I assure you.

Still, I'm waiting for Darammer to take up the cause one of the least popular applicants and start linking to them directly while waving their banner high.

Because if you want evil - THAT is your man right there.

Now go goof off at work or something. It's Friday.

-Coyote