Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

Imagine if you will, the dawning of a new MMORPG.

A world of monsters and magic, of spaceships and race cars - a world that YOU help design and create. A world that knows no genre or type that welcomes gamers of every play style with open arms and creepy little robot prong hands. A world where everyone is equal, be he man or beast...or man beast thing spaced out with blocks to make him look bigger...

...

...a world where the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and maybe, the vacuum.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you...

Lego Online

And as usual, I know exactly what you are thinking:

"Why do you constantly defend Wil Wheaton when others call for his blood?"

Because Wil Wheaton is one of US and a TRUE geek. You can't hate him just because you didn't like his Character on Star Trek because any one of us would have jumped at the chance to be on that series. HELL, if they asked me to be "Renob" the hermaphrodite ensign comic relief with an anal fetish for tribbles, I'd be slapping on my Shrek ears and takin' a fuzzy one for the team.

But back to Legos, and I would appreciate if you'd all stay on topic for once. Yeeesh.

Lego Online is going to go live in 2009 and revolves around, brace yourself, the world of Legos.

You'll be able to adventure and quest and raid, or just sit around making Lego creations for others to knock down or dork up with their inability to make anything but the really long "tower of Legos" out of EVERY frigging Lego in the bucket.

Greedy bastards.

User content will be a heavy part of game play, as will crossing over different Lego themes and genres.

And you shouldn't be surprised - they've been grooming us for this all along. Do you really think that games like Lego Star Wars and Lego Batman and Legosuit Larry aren't crafted to acclimate you to the Lego World, so that when the MMOG is released you aren't suddenly stricken with the urge to join? They're in our homes and in our heads and they haven't the right, but now nothing can stop them.

Except for "Lego Deprogramming" which consists of stepping on a little yellow one, barefoot while getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Legos are the caltrops of the toy world and if John McClane had to walk across an office full of Legos barefoot, he would have surrendered right then and there.

And then Hans Gruber would have shot him. In the face.

Still, even with the obvious programming and rewards for playing aside, (Lego Star Wars actually gives you a shot of pleasure through the buttons of your controller every time you walk Jar Jar Binks off a cliff so that he explodes. Trust me, I can verify this as I've done it THOUSANDS of times.) I have to admit that I'm intrigued by the game, and more than a little curious.

The Lego Universe is HUGE, and while I'm not looking forward to adding my poorly designed creations to the world, I am dying to see what OTHER people come up with.

So that I can knock it down and laugh. MUAHAHHAHAAHA....

...

....sorry.

The Lego Universe expands over all forms of entertainment. NASCAR, Dinosaurs, Pirates, Movies, hell - even Lego Space Stations - there will be no genre that a game like this can't dip its aforementioned creepy little claw hands into. And while that may spell disaster for emersion and continuity of play, it opens up the game to literally anyone who enjoys playing with Legos. And lets face it, even if you SUCK at building things with Legos, you still love them.

How can you not?

They're the perfect toy for any child. Build anything, imagine anything, and press the good ones together REALLY tight so that your sister can't get them apart and use them because she just builds stupid crap like chairs for her dolls and flowers. The truth of the matter is...

Only commie mutant traitorshate Legos.

The game itself is aimed at the 8 year old and higher crowd, (which, being 8 is perfect for me) and promises a unique style of game play. A different spin on the MMOG universe that seems to be cloning itself rather than expanding and changing. I'm really looking forward to this game and can't wait to give it a try.

It offers something for everyone, (except commies) and best of all - there is absolutely NO chance that you'll step on one in the middle of the night, leaving you crippled and crying on the bathroom floor.

AND THAT solace my friends, is worth the price of the game alone.

-Coyote