This is as good as it gets...
Updated Mon, Nov 10, 2008 by Coyote
Famed and respected geneticist Steve Jones gave a speech earlier this week on his theory,(supported by his research) that man as a race is done evolving.
That's it.
We're done.
No wings or mutated brains giving us super powers and telepathy. No telekinetic abilities allowing our super evolved selves to rip off the clothing of passing hot chicks...
NOTHING. We're done. THIS is as good as it gets. Behold, the pinnacle of the evolution of man.
...
...well...CRAP.
How can this be it? What about all of the theories that "aliens" are just future humans with time travel powers and that due to technology and evolution we all end up with huge freaky eyes and bodies so scrawny that if you were to hold us to a light, you could see our heart through our chest?!
What a fine time to tell me that this is as good as it gets. Had I known that I was an end product rather than another ape in the string of barrel monkeys that makes up our evolution, I would have liked worked out or something. If I knew that THIS was the body of the floor model I would have done like a sit-up, or a "Squat thrust" or whatever you call them.
Squat thrust.
What a horrible sounding exercise. It doesn't even sound like a fitness term. It fact I think I have done MANY a squat thrust in my life, but it usually revolved around half a bottle of cheap vodka and a poorly thought out visit to Taco Bell. Hell, the more that I think about it and compare the two, the MOTIONS are even pretty much the same.
But squatting and thrusting aside, (Just EWWw..okay? Ew. I don't need a 58 year old grizzled Gym Teacher in short-shorts and a whistle telling me that I need to work on my squat thrusts and that I'm not squatting and/or thrusting to his satisfaction. THIS IS THE CRAP THAT SCARS YOUR CHILDREN FOR LIFE PEOPLE!) according to "guy whose name is too far up on the page to go back and look up for a quote" this is it. We've reached the top of the mountain, climbed as high as we can climb, and contraire the prophecies of the noted philosopher George Hemsley Jefferson, we are NOT "movin' on up".
What could possibly lead to this dismal and cruelest of fates?
Men are have kids earlier in life and stopping. Getting them "out of the way". In most cases, the women we're having sex with are older as well. Men having children young and stopping leads to less possibility of change in genetics, and we keep spitting out the same dumbass kids that they previous generations spit out. Kids who are the same as us, have the same traits and characteristics, and who refuse to GET OFF OF MY GOD DAMN LAWN!
I am *KEEPING* this Frisbee!
But all hope is not lost. There is a solution. A solution that a few brave souls like myself have come up with, and a solution that just might work. It will take the sacrifice of men like me - the "mid 30's and older" crowd, as we are the only chance you have in reigniting the fires of evolution.
We have to do it with young chicks.
Lot's of 'em.
I don't like it anymore than you guys do - but desperate times call for desperate measures, and if this is the ONLY way that we can guarantee that the human race continues to evolve and grow, then so be it. I will take one for the team, and do my duty (hehe duty) for my country, my world, and my fellow man.
According to "guy up there with the brains whose name I forget":
"A drop in the number of older fathers will thus have a major effect on the rate of mutation."
Meaning - men used to have a lot more children, a LOT later in life. Because of the way that genetics are passed the older the male and the younger the female, the more possibilities for advancement and change.
I'm not biochemicalgeneologynocologist like "Wasshisface" up there, but I know a GOOD plan when I hear one. And if me totally doing it with a lot of younger hotties until I'm too wrinkled to unwrinkle (wink wink) is the only thing that will get our evolution back on track?
Who am *I* to play God and say no?
That's the Missus's job.
The Missus who is now standing behind me and asking why I'm giggling as I write, and who so far into this conversation, is going to be the SOLE reason that man no longer evolves. Because SHE doesn't seem to agree with the scientific proof that I'm arguing while trying to dodge randomly flung objects.
So if man is doomed to this form, please note gentle reader, it will be the fault of this woman, and women like her who just don't understand SCIENCE.
...
...girls are so dumb. And bad at science.
-Coyote
(Special thanks to Nosnam for the emergency pic hosting since photobucket died today. THANK YOU MATT!!!)
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Only Coy could kill photobucket...
I need brain bleach now Coyote.
Ugh...there are...so...many....problems. On the upside.....Blizzcon is around the corner.
We are still mutatiing, as much as I would rather not give my Bro' in Law more ammo, but the reason men are losing their hair is a mutation because with the development of heating ( see fire ), we do not need hair to keep us warm.
Pretty soon we will all kook like a newborn hairless ape. ( now thats an image that's not going to win the girl. )
There for ( read on Bro' in Law ), bald headed me are more evolved.. eck...
You killed photobucket? Geez *crosses another image host off the list *
Did you see his first picture Radar? Even photobucket has standards!
As a man of 40 years I second Coyote's plan and will throw myself whole heartedly into this gene pool mutation plan that will hopefully involve a new form of "squat thrusts." But I just need/want only one hot chick (I'm not greedy or dumb) to "exercise" with so that we do our part in mutating the species and furthering our hopes for mutant powers.
I think you'll find that research is based purely in the US, and yes, theres only so much weight you fat overweight yanks can put on before you just turn into Jabba The Hut.
Plus how far can the gene pool go when you're married to your sister Cletus??
Us Brits on the other hand are a veritable pot pourri of different nations and influences so we have us loads more evolving to do.
Yes sure, it may help our teeth too if that's yer only comeback Mr Lack-O-Genes.
Heh Lackogene.
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you - I was too busy listening to the sound of the US bailing you limeys out of every little conflict you've ever been in.
How soon you forget that you came this close to being a parkinglot for German cars...
*winks at Bithy*
How YOU doin?
I think that Dr. Jones (hehe, Dr. Jones) is being somewhat dramatic by declaring human evolution "over". Even if he's exactly 100% right about younger fathers passing on fewer mutations, it only means that evolution slows down, not stops. There will always be SOME mutations from one generation to the next, so evolution will continue even if it's at a reduced rate.
Jones also assumes that current procreation trends will continue forever, which is nonsense. Just as the social pressures particular to our era have brought a shift to younger fathers, unforeseen circumstances in future eras will bring about altogether different patterns. And considering that evolution takes place over time scales of thousands of years (at minimum), I doubt that the breeding habits particular to 21st Century westerners are going to have much of an effect.
I'm not saying Jones doesn't have a point; the science behind his general hypothesis looks solid. It's just that his final conclusion - that human evolution has come to a complete stop and will never again proceed further - seems over the top. Even a bit hysterical, considering the variables and time scales involved.
There's nothing to see here folks, move along. Ignore the scientist looking for attention.
S
Madhog Says:
October 9th, 2008 at 9:27 am
I think you’ll find that research is based purely in the US, and yes, theres only so much weight you fat overweight yanks can put on before you just turn into Jabba The Hut.
Plus how far can the gene pool go when you’re married to your sister Cletus?
__________
Dr. Steve Jones was born in Aberystwyth, Wales. He is a professor of genetics and head of the biology department at University College London. His studies are conducted in the Galton laboratory, also in London.
And if you're worried about inbreeding, I'd focus your concern on the Australians:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,434511,00.html
S
As a certified "older dude", there is no part of this plan that I don't like.
Please tell me that the chick in the last pic was over seventeen...or I'm going to jail for all the eye humping that I did.
Meh Welsh? Thats not English!
If you can point out where Germany is on a map Coy, I'll give you that point.
Heh, pwned.
I'm not worried about inbreeding Sandor, it seems to only affect our colonies, not the motherland.
However, I'd also like to point out that my genes are available for any 20 - 20 ladies that need them.
*ahem*
HahahaOf course you love this plan Ship! *snicker*
I think Ms. Garrison of South Park says it best: "So there you go! You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fish-squirrel! Congratulations!"
If evolution has stopped, it's only because we keep trying to keep everybody alive. With outreach programs, there's really no corner of the world that doesn't at least get a minimal benefit from modern medicine. But unfortunately, in order to evolve, failed variations have to die off. Those with (non-beneficial) birth defects, substandard intelligence, weak immune systems, genetic diseases - in order to evolve we'd have to let all these people die (thus not allowing them the opportunity to procreate).
The benefits of continued evolution at the speed it would occur naturally aren't worth the loss of so much life (well, except maybe the dumb people).
*points* Germany.....it's over there...
So... Anna Nicole Smith was actually just trying to help the human race evolve when she married the 183 year old guy? Well, if she'll do her part, then I guess I'll sign up with Coyote on this one.
Coyote... You should be body waxed for posting that picture.
I don't know about anyone else, but I think the Duchess of Cornwall has got to be a product of inbreeding.