Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

Bringing you the top gaming stories with no bias fromor hinderance by the truth - it's once again time for COYOTE ACTION NEWS...

Our top stories this hour...

"Rockband" Planning a Country Music Themed Game

For all of you cyber musicians out there, Harmonix insider HMXHenry has let slip that a country themed version of the popular "virtual band" game Rock Band, isn't off the table.

"We'll have Country in RB sooner or later." He stated before adding off the record (unverified): "As soon as we figure out how mount a PS3 in a f***ing pickup truck."

While the genre dominates a large share of the music industry, it's listeners have been noted to be, as one city slicker stated, "Less than Tech-Savvy". This comment was made in reflection to the 1990 release of the Super Nintendo and the immediate discovery that its cartridges were roughly the size of 8-track cassettes.

Nintendo reported for that year both increased sales, and increased lawsuits for mistakenly inserted copies of "Big Bubba's Sister Wooin' Ho-down" that damaged both the system and the recorded media.

"Most of these things were coming in full of waffles, bread, or buckshot. They had no clue what they were! Jesus...I'd hate to see what they'd do to an Xbox." A repair technician for a large gaming company admitted reluctantly.

But rest assured, if there is money to be made by beating this genre to death and adding in blue jeans and cowboy boots, it'll be done. Money is money, even if it is covered in grease, manure and chewing tobacco spit.

Sony yanks Little Big Planet for Little Koran Reference

The release of the much anticipated Sony title "Little Big Planet" was snatched out of the grasping hands of game players moments after release in what is being estimated as "The biggest frigging recall ever, dude."

While the game runs well and has no technical issues, it seems that some of the background music selected to add to the emersion contained references to the Qu'ran. In effort to avoid public backlash from the Muslim community, all copies of the game were recalled and the offending passages are being removed because they may offend "some" members of the Muslim community.

Which has inadvertently upset some members of the Muslim community who feel that pulling the song from the final copy of the title is offensive.

When asked why the song, whose lyrics went largely missed by most of the gaming community was removed, a gaming insider had this to say:

"Duuuude. Remember when that cartoonist drew a picture of Admiral Allah Akbar or whatever? They lost their frigging MINDS. We were just trying to be sensitive and junk."

Indeed, music in a video game that may or may not offend some members of some religion, some where, should definitely be removed lest those people might possibly be offended. Unless of course removing the music is offensive too.

Then you should have known better.

New E3 Sucks, So New NEW E3 Schedule For Future

The once Wonka-like in wonder and mystery "E3" event was drastically changed in order to focus on the more serious aspects of the gaming world. Immediately after these changes it was discovered that the new "revamped" version of E3, sucked "major dong".

"I just don't get it. We removed all of the costumes, half naked women, wild parties and zany antics and focused on all of the programming and technology. And then people stopped coming? Were did we go wrong? I mean we got RID of the booth babes." Industry Insider Noah Fuginclue bemoans as he shakes his head and wonders exactly how the biggest gaming show in the world completely FLOPPED.

"We had like three old guys and a wino show up, and two of the geezers died before they even made it all the way inside." He sighed as he sobbed quietly into a mostly empty bottle of whiskey and put the entire barrel of the .45 into his mouth.

With the moral high road and serious focus of E3 failing to draw any interest past hundred of thousands of websites dedicated to pointing out how badly it now sucks, the event holders have found a new tactic:

They're going to try to make it fun.

"It might sound crazy, but we're going to try to put back all of the things that we took out that made it suck." A representative for the New NEW E3 explains excitedly as he steps over the corpse of the late Noah Fuginclue.

Later adding to stir more interest: "Oh, and free pot! Lots and lots of free pot!"

Holland Teens arrested for in-game theft of items

Two Amsterdam teenagers were arrested, convicted of theft and given a combined total of 360 hours of community service for the virtual theft of goods from another teen in the online game "Runescape". A virtual mask and amulet stolen from the account of 13 year old Hossenfossenstrooden Fluggaenkoechioebolsen -

- landed thetwo would be thieves in REAL prison as under Holland Law, virtual items are considered real.

"It's common sense dude. In a country where pot is legal, flaunted, and abundant, video game related crimes are taken SERIOUSLY. Hell, my cousin went there on Spring Break and got the death penalty for "bogarting" a bag of Cheetos." Sources close to the story explain through dense clouds of funny smelling smoke.

The two teenage criminals were sentenced to carry out their community services at "Svensteveldorden's Bakery and Hemp Shop". When asked for comment on the sentencing both teens had this to say.

"Yay!"

Sonic HUGE in London, Dentists still not.

Brits everywhere have spoken (through scary and often odd colored teeth) and the most popular game character of all time is:

NOT this chick.

Who needs large breasts, a sexy walk, or an ass sculpted out of a block of perfection when you can have a little blue cartoon who runs really fast?

That's right, Sonic the Hedgehog beat out every other gaming character in London's pollszipping away withthe title ofmost popular video game icon, ever.

"Bumbly wickashammed nibledybits an' a wot wot tea time eh gov, eh gov?" Local gaming correspondent Nigel Frumpsworth confided from his loft via the telly.

The overseas version of Sonic The Hedgehog is the most popular game in all of London, more than tripling American sales. Some attribute this to the slight altercations to the game's regional codes whichalter the storyline slightly. While the hoops, coins, and twists are still there, Sonic is not running against the clock - but away froman evil Dentist's Guild that hunts him mercilessly and wishes to enforce proper tooth care upon him.

Nimbledy crickets.

We'll have more on these stories as soon as one of you whines about unfair stereotypes.

Back to you Tom and Diane.

-Coyote