Mrs. Coyote's Mail Bag!!
Updated Wed, Dec 03, 2008 by Coyote
By Mrs. Coyote
Hi kiddies!
Coyote is out of town on business today and was whining about not having the time to write his BLOG, so I said that if he helped with the pictures and spacing and stuff, I would write it for him instead of him posting a nothing day.
So now that he is gone let me just say that you have NO idea what I go through.
For those of you who don't have to live with a dork, I am totally jealous. You probably have a normal man who does normal man things that don't involve stupid little dolls that he makes you call action figures. And OH MY GOD if you don't remember the stupid little doll's name, or you say that it is cute or call it a toy or let the kids play with them, it is like you killed a puppy or something.
Everyday it is the same stupid conversations about superheroes and zombies and all the other stuff that I don't care about that makes him roll his eyes because he really thinks that zombies are coming to get him.
I am SUCH a good wife.
I told him that I wanted to do a mailbag thing to answer all of the questions that I get and he said okay, but he promised not to read it until he gets back from his trip. So here goes.
Mrs. Coyote's much better mail bag than Coyote's stupid mail bag
Is he really that big of a dork?
He has a little claw guy X-men toothbrush. He's going to kill me for saying this, but yes. He really is that big of a dork. Bigger even.
He reads comic books, spends hours in the toy section of Target whenever we shop, collects Buffy the Vampire Girl toys and movies and has a man crush Seth Green. But that's okay because so do I.
He is SO cute. Just a little guy. You could put him in your pocket for later.
Oh and since Coyote always puts up pictures of boobies about here, I got something for the LADIES.
Are youa geek?
No.
I hate it when he calls me a mortal or a muggle or a normal though. Grrr. Just because I don't spend hours making my little car robot men fight doesn't make me less cool. It makes me MORE cool!!!
Coyote and I are complete opposites. I like Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac and pretty music and he likes stupid loud stuff where people scream. He is all pierced and tattooed and I don't have any because I'm scared of needles. OH MY GOD we went for tattoos once and I saw the needle and that was it. No ink for me.
I like sweaters and puppies and cross stitch and flowers and pretty things and he cuts himself in the bathroom and cries about no one understanding him. I am the sunshine to his little black rain cloud.
Oh and I don't do computers, ever, at all. Or video games, unless it is Mario Cart. But Coyote can't play with me because he cheats.
Does all of the stuff that he says happens really happen?
He totally screams like a girl.
Like when that HUGE eagle thing was on the back porch eating that cute little bird? I really did lock him outside because I didn't want it getting into the house. He turned around all mad and told me to open the door, but no way Jose. Not until the eagle was gone.
Some of the stories he bends a little bit to make funnier or to make less funny because I won't let him tell you the truth about something I did but it all happens. He doesn't lie he just tells the story better than most people.
Plus he has tight little buns that you just want to bite. bitebitebitebite
Why don't you have your own blog?
I don't have anything to say.
Plus this is a lot harder than it looks. I've been writing this for like two hours now and I barely have anything where he would have like a whole book. Maybe I can make it look bigger by putting up more hottie pics! I would totally do Mario Lopez.
Besides this is like real work. He can have it. It is just easier to mock him and the stuff that he writes than it is to write my own. I don't know how he does this. He can write like a million words in a minute. Its annoying and we hate him.
How do you live with him?
Boy oh boy. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me this, or how I put up with him, or why I married him or why I'm with him I would be RICHIE RICH! I get asked this question A LOT!
The truth is, I ignore him.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
J/K
He is really sweet. He won't tell anyone but he loves puppies and kittens and cute stuff too and he loves to watch the laughing babies on YouTube. He might be kind of weird and a HUGE HUGE HUGE HUUUUGGGGEEE dork but he is really sensitive and writes stuff that you guys don't see like poems and poetry and stories for me.
He is romantic and sweet and kind and gentle and has a big hoo-dee-hoo.
Okay. This is just stupid and is taking forever and I have stuff to do.
TTFN
XX000XX00
Hugs and kisses and gropes.
Mrs. Coyote
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absolutely 5 stars way to go Mrs. C! I like your hottie pictures way better!
OOO I like that Mezzy!
Mrs. C, you rock :) I've been trying to tell people that Coyote's a gentleman since I met him, but no one believes me.
I'm in on the cross stich!
woohoo i did it first try!! GO ME! GO ME ! GO ME!
i rawk!!
MRS! I love it! We should totally put together a cross stitch pattern of the Mr. and pass it around to everyone that knows how to do it. Hehehe. 100's of cross stitched Coyote pictures all over the internet.
So with him out for a bit, whatcha got planned? Bon Bons and Mario Lopez movies?
Oh, and don't forget to add your 5 star vote to the top here, everyone.
Mrs C rocks, the pictures less so, honestly do you girls really like seeing guys whose veins stand out like 5 inches from their stomach arms and probably neck when you forget to make them their favourite meal?
Irrespective, thanks for putting all the time and effort into giving us a column Mrs C!
Woot! Awesome post Mrs C. Way better than that stuff Coyote tries to pass off on his emo kid blog.
Good work Mrs C! Though I think you could probably through a few more hotties on the page, you make good choices. Mario Lopez is SO HOT!! I love when he smiles and that dimple!!!
Everything was fine and dandy till I reached the hoo-dee-hoo.
AND for the record they ARE action figures.
I'm wondering what the eagle story is about, is it in the blog somewhere that I can read it?
OMG! I love you Mrs. C!
*huggles Mrs. C tight*
Badion...yes it is...and you will laugh so hard....lemmie find it.
It ate my post....*sigh* I will email you the link dear.
This....is the BEST friggin....blog....ever.
I miss you Coyote and I can't WAIT for you to get back so we can talk about some of this.
Sorry to disagree Radar, well i'm not, but i'm going ahead with "The" fanboi attitude, "The" is the best blog ever :D And i prefer Mrs C's last blog post before the one about laser surgery.
Mrs. C thanks for the pics of those wonderful men. I will be closing my office door because i will need time to recover. Only thing that could've made it better would've been pics of gerard butler or rodrigo santoro
Great Job Mrs C! I knew we could count on you to give us a hard-hitting missive and give us all a glimpse into your life and the trials and tribulations of living with the man-child Coyote. You have touched and inspired me and I hope to some day be as gracious and strong as you are.
Haha, oh my god, thats awesome. I just read that out to my wife who usually sees me on here and says *you looking at that blog crap? what the hell do you morons talk about?* and she is now firmly in the "Mrs Coyote rocks!" camp and she had that look in her eye that says *ahh I know how she feels*.
She even laughed, which tbh was a horrible sound I never wanna hear again.
Well done Mrs C.
Mrs.C Says:
"... he is really sensitive and writes stuff that you guys don’t see like poems and poetry and stories for me."
__________
With one sentence you've given me all the ammunition I'm going to need for the rest of the year.
S
Whats wrong with writing poetry and liking poems?
Hrm, after re-reading the above question again, I retract my question.
Sandor that's about a years worth to anyone who reads that line. By the way nice job Mrs. C ! Now where's the bleach?
Oh I think he know's he's going to be paying for this column today for a long lonnnnng time.
"Plus he has tight little buns that you just want to bite. bitebitebitebite"
OMG... that had me rollin' long before the hoo-dee-hoo. 5 stars for Mrs. C, you brave, patient, saint of a woman. You really should record Coy's reaction to reading this blog... preferably in video. *evil grin*
Sooooo.....if I were a Coyote and were to publish under an assumed identity/character this would be the EXACT post I would make. If it weren't for the man-pics I would dismiss the possibility of this as a real post out of hand. Admit to some minorly embarrassing detail that we already know- he's a dork- and then publish glowing reviews of other "aspects". Sooooo suspicious.
Do we have pics of Coyote and Mrs. Coyote in the same room? Or if there IS an actual woman willing to live with Coyote then perhaps he "borrowed" her voice for today. Huge Hoo De Doo indeed.Just saying.
And nice job, Mrs. C.
The bitch is real.
The bitch is gunna die.
THIS WAS NOT what she showed me before I left.
Several people have met her, many talk to her daily, and this is the reason that men beat their wives.
"I'll just check in" I thought. "I bet she botched the pics" I thought...
And she's busted btw, because I frigging NEW she was only watching Dancing with the Stars for Slater.
And I would bury this post, but I know the backlash I'd get from you bastards like the now legendary "310" post of nothing.
The Mrs is an actual woman, an actual hottie woman, and much too good for Coy, even with his bitable buns and huge hoo-dee-hoo.
Do I delete this crap and post a "out of town" and risk making her a martyr - or do I leave it ...
And I'm sure she'll be checking on this the moment she gets home from work....
Me? I'm partying with Shipwreck, and mebbe Bongo and Piffy tonight. Awww yeah
Upp, yep
Best post EVARRRRR
# Coyote Sharptongue Says:
October 24th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Me? I’m partying with Shipwreck, and mebbe Bongo and Piffy tonight. Awww yeah
__________
Just make sure the poems you write for them rhyme well. You know how Ship hates blank verse.
S
Hey c'mon Coy. She never said you enjoyed reading poetry. Just that you were willing to write it to get laid and make the wife happy. (Cause we all know a happy wife just makes life that much easier.) That's manly, right?
And I'm in on the cross-stitch idea. Been itching for a project for a while.
Don't bother Coy. The poetry writing and epic hoo-dee-doo are already burned into our memories. Just call her bluff on the bum nibbling and call it a win. ;-)
Sandor Says:
October 24th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Mrs.C Says:
“… he is really sensitive and writes stuff that you guys don’t see like poems and poetry and stories for me.â€
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Yeah. This will keep him on the defensive for a LONG time.
"Clowns never laughed before...."
"Bean stalks, never grew"
"rob626 Said:
October 24th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Sooooo…..if I were a Coyote and were to publish under an assumed identity/character this would be the EXACT post I would make. If it weren’t for the man-pics I would dismiss the possibility of this as a real post out of hand."
So, you're new around here eh? One thing that did strike me was, she showed more restraint in her homo erotic images than he usually does. She obviously likes her men more manly than him, as he prefers more effeminate guys. Like Shippy and Radar.
Good luck deleting this Coy, Im certain I aint the only one who has a backup copy *just in case*.
/hugs
Oh Coy, just to cheer you up, I read aloud the Star Wars Wii one to my witch earlier after this one.
She laughed.
*shudder*.
Then informed me "ok that does it, you 2 are so alike its not funny, and you are NOT having that game, even if you DO pretend its for the girls. Plus, knowing you, you plan to duel them and constantly tell them you are their father which will be annoying after the 500th time".
Foiled :(
Im still buying it tho, she knows that, Im the boss round here. If she gives me ANY more lip she can do the ironing and washing up her bloody self!
Coy, we know you are full of shit. You are an attention whore and no matter what kind of attention you get you are happy. So you are loving all of it. So hush up!
Y'know, this column just needs one thing.
MOAR MRS COYOTE!!!
Soon it will be Mr Coyote making quest appearances in Mrs. C's postings
Hmm... her blog could be called "Not so Coy". *giggle*
I like it too!
Damn....reading this blog makes me feel sorry for my wife.....Think I will go make her some french toast...
So, THIS is her payback for the horses and Dark Sith Lord incident. Consider yourself lucky. At least you're not posting from the couch with bits of Herman still dripping from the wall ...
Mrs C, you did know what you were getting when you married him right?