Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

The kids from Gatlin, Nebraska had one.

The Greeks in the town of Joppa had one.

So damn it...I want one too.

As I go about my day, doing the things that I am obligated to do - I watch them, and I hate them. They get in my way, mill about like wide eyed cattle and generally muck up everything and hinder the flow of MY universe because they can't comprehend that "7 items or less" does not mean "stand in line with your full frigging cart ignoring the stink eye that I am giving you".

That's right. I'm talking about PEOPLE.

Not YOU folks of course. Most of you are self aware, and probably hate the same things that I do for nearly the same reasons. I'm talking about all the OTHER people.

The filler. The ones that you'll never meet. The people with the same faces and cars and clothes and dumb blank looks as they merge into your lane WITHOUT using the god damn turn signal only to go a good 30 miles an hour slower.

And drawing a realization from the above mentioned sources, I have determined what is wrong with the world, and why we as a society have grown infinitely dumber.

We need a big scary monster to sacrifice people to.

Now before you all go dumping out the kool-aid and calling the ATF to storm my well fortified compound, let me explain:

Big scary monsters that eat people make us stronger as a society.

Think about it.

Man is at the top of the food chain. We are the pinnacle of evolution on this planet, and aside from some dumbasses in India who think that a tiger should know this, (They don't. Tigers officially really don't give a damn. Plus, it doesn't help that you're made completely out of their favorite food - meat.) or the careless surfboarder who has never watched Jaws alone in the dark moments before their mother called them to take a bath - not much eats us.

For the most part, we're not hunted, we're not threatened, and the only thing that truly calls us prey is our fellow man.

And possibly Al Roker.

Because of this, we'vegrown stupid.

Sheep.

Mindless morons who watch things like "The Rock of Love" and "Reality TV", and who honestly think that a video game can turn a normal, well adjusted person into a mindless killer. We've grown fat, we've grown complacent, and because there is nothing left to keep us dancing on that razor's edge or the adrenaline pumping, we've grown stupid.

We need a Kraken.

Or whatever that thing was that walked behind the rows of corn in "Children of the Corn".

We need one of THOSE. But like, BIGGER.

Not to cull the herd of the old and the weak (although that WOULD be nice) so that the stronger and wiser of the species could survive. That would take WAY too long, and I'm kind of an instant gratification guy.

No. We need a monster to scare the living SHIT out of us. To get the heart pounding, to get the blood flowing, and to put everyone just a little bit on edge.

Once a week the monster should demand a sacrifice - it doesn't care who, and it doesn't have to be a virgin ('cause good lucking finding one of THOSE), but it has to be done. Nothing can kill this monster (Because flying horses aren't real) and nothing can stop it, and if it doesn't get its sacrifice it goes nuts and starts taking out mini-malls. Sure, it would be fun to watch on the News the first few times, but then you'd see an almost miraculous change in society.

People would be nicer.

More self aware.

Or at least more aware of the fact that if they're useless, they get fed to "The Monster (TM)".

Sacrifices to scary demon things are something we no longer do, and because of that everyone feels that they have the right to get in my way and annoy me - when they obviously don't. If you are going the speed limit, get out of the "fast" lane. Yes, I know that "all lanes have the same speed restriction" but it is a well known fact that the LEFT lane is for people who speed. And if you thought for a second that your little self appointed role of "cork" in the bottle neck of traffic in order to stop people from breaking the law would get you even NEAR "The List" for the monster?

Your ass would be WELL over in the right lane where it belonged.

Hell. You'd probably be driving on the shoulder.

Man needs a predator. Something that we can't stop, control, or reason with. Something that just wants to eat dumbasses and maybe play Xbox from the recesses of its bone and gore strewn cave. Something real, something scary looking, and something tangible that we can see to keep us together as a pack in order to weed out the dumbasses that annoy ME.

Because it is all about me.

Okay. Screw you guys. *I* need a Kraken. And a list.

-Coyote

(The new Avast Ye is up!! Go read it and make us famous or seriously - you're on THE LIST. And if you like comics and gaming cartoons, go give love to Brasse over at TheBrasse.com. She had to go on a game tour with me...and well... yeah. She had to put up with ME. Give her some sympathy.)