Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

I hadn't planned on doing anything on "Black Friday" as a follow up or recap. There was no need.

I explained what it was, gave examples and definitions for the "damn dirty foreigners" who have never heard of it, and was going to leave it atthat. But as news story after news story began to circulate about crowds, human stampedes, injuries, and even some brutal shopping-related deaths - It dawned on me...

Black Friday is frigging FUNNY.

Okay. Not the death part, or the injury part, or the "worst of humanity stomping on workers who make 6 bucks an hour so that they can be the first to get a discounted waffle iron" parts, (okay, maybe the discounted waffle iron bit, a little), but the fact that EVERY year it is the same thing, and that EVERY year no one seems to notice how truly HILARIOUS these pictures really are.

When I ran across the first one, I thought it was a fluke or just maybe my skewed view of the world. But as I was searching for pictures for an unrelated up-and-coming column, I started finding more and more of these. And the more I looked, the funnier they got.

Please note that these are ALL from major news sites:

What You See: An early morning crowd gathering outside of Best Buy for a Black Friday Sale.

What I See: Best Buy, a technological playground and self billed electronic wonderland...

...still has an old fashioned "flag up" mailbox, and they seem to have mail.

Of course, that crowd has been there a good six hours, so chances are you really DON'T want that particular package...

But still, it struck me as funny. I know, I know, not a side splitter, but I'm setting pace.

What You See: Triumphant shopper nabbing an early morning sale price item!

What I See: A dude who REALLY couldn't wait for a dust buster.

Seriously - you stood in line for SIX hours on a Thursday night after Thanksgiving for a DUST BUSTER? Just how frigging dirty *IS* your house? And look how HAPPY he is! It's like all of his hopes and dreams have been fulfilled by one 4.8 volt vacuuming miracle.

If a vacuum on sale ever makes me this happy, kill me.

What You See: A shopper stacking up on every sale possible as she tries to get in and out of the store in record time.

What I See: Baby in Aisle Three.

Where is her kid? That *IS* a stroller right? And not one of those pre-assembled jobbers with the locked down wheels, but one that she obviously brought? So if you have a child - that small - during mob shopping, shouldn't your kid be..oh..I dunno...

AROUND?

Either that, or the kid is still in the stroller, which ya know..is funny for other reasons.

What You See: A Best Buy Employee trying to hold back crowds of people who are opening the doors before the store is ready.

What I See: This guy.

And he's gunna kill someone. Not in that "holiday shopping rage" kinda way, but in a "he totally set out to kill someone because he's a serial killer" kinda way.

And don't tell me that it's a trick of the glass, because Brad Pitt over his shoulder there is coming in juuuust fine.

Seriously. LOOK at that dude. When your head looks like a mask that you'd wear to slaughter young women who hold closed doors at Best Buy as they enjoy a slumber party?

You have issues.

I won't lie to you. That dude SCARES me. That right there is some "Jacob's Ladder" hallucination never-sleep-again crap. If every other shopper looked like him, every gift I bought would be off line.

What You See: Some kiosk employees swamped by demanding shoppers as they try to get through the day.

What I See: Bigfoot wearing a Rolex.

Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. Robin Williams.

HOLY ARM HAIR BATMAN! JESUS CHRIST! If you arm is THAT frigging hairy is one of those "metal pinchy clasp" watch straps REALLY the best choice? The band on his watch has to look like a tootsie pop dropped in a dog bed by the time he takes it off.

LOOK AT THAT ARM HAIR! It isn't *EVEN* hair anymore! Notice the way it blends, becomes solid and uniform just past the wrist? That's frigging FUR. And the worst part is?

That's not even the creepiest part of this picture. Because if we inverse the color of the crowd JUST a bit, and give the poor counter kids a shotgun in place of sticker gun?

....

Yeah...

Not so funny NOW is it?

This is why the Zombie Survival Guide better be on ALL of your Christmas lists.

Now someone go comfort that screaming kid in aisle 3...

-Coyote