Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

"Are you going to do an article on the guy who threw a shoe at President Bush?"

"Why aren't you writing about this? It's gold!!!"

...

....okay, okay, OKAY! I get it! Someone hucked a shoe at the President and everyone thinks it is hilarious, and I can see why:

Throwing a shoe at someone is just frigging funny.

I don't care as to why you do it, what type of footwear you lob, or if you even actually HIT your target - getting SO mad that you actually take off your shoe and throw it at someone in frustration is just epically funny. Because as my dear friend Loolee asked...

"Honestly, who throws a shoe?"

Answer? This man.

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So if I have a funny topic, an unlikely story confirmed as true, and someone throwing a shoe - why haven't I covered it?

...

....because everyone else already beat me to it.

I know that I could put my own spin on it, and that I could make a few jokes - but this thing is getting HUGE coverage, right down to quickly made but poorly thought out flash games in which you can toss footwear at the Commander in Chief. And with this much coverage humorists tend to form a hive mind and jokes are born to a mass collective to the point where 900,000 people are writing the same one liners.

And I might be hack, but I'm not THAT hack.

As funny as it could be, I just can't make jokes about it because one of you will find the SAME exact joke on some obscure blog about genital warts (Um..and why are you there, by the way?) and accuse me of plagiarism and other things that would upset me and possibly make me cry. So instead of making jokes and covering this topic, I'm instead going to ask a question.

A serious question.

A question that I hope that no one else has asked, (One of you bumpy crotched net-diggers is already googling frantically for this, I know it.) that no one else has brought into light, and a question that makes you think. Not only about our place in the world, but how the world itself perceives us. Ahem:

"Why did the reporter who threw the shoe think that he could take out the President of The United States, at a high security press conference, by hucking a pair of Air Jordan's at his head?"

...

....yeah. EXACTLY.

Everyone is making jokes and laughing it up and probably giggling about the "Second Shoeman on the Grassy Knoll", when no one is really asking themselves the obvious question here- why do people think that George W. Bush can be stopped by a shoe?

The answer might frighten some of you. It might pull the cloth of conspiracy from your eyes and alert you to the truth about no only our President, but the truth about the world itself.

George W. Bush is a giant bug-alien from space.

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Think about it - all of the CLASSIC Sci-Fi channel movie signs are there:

* Speech Patterns that make no sense, but sort of sound like English.

* He once laid eggs in Al Gore's face when he was sleeping. (Admittedly not yet confirmed due to the long gestation period of the spider larva)

Like that movie "They Live" with Rowdy Roddy Piper as the down-on-his-luck-tough-guy-with-the-heart-of-gold, this reporter saw past the smoke and mirrors and stared directly into the many faceted eyes of the truth.

And what he saw, scared him.

It scared him so badly that he had to huck a SHOE at it.

And I don't know about you, but I don't find that funny. I don't find humor in the fact that a grown man is so terrified by what he sees that he has to take off his sketchers and throw them in a last bastion of hope for his own survival. That's not comedy, that's life-or-death desperation, and there is nothing funny about that.

Plus? Bush totally ducked.

Which COMPLETELY backs my "Alien Spider Person" theory, because if you've ever seen him, he's not exactly Neo from the Matrix in terms of what he can dodge. He seems old, clumsy, befuddled, and can't pronounce the word "Nuclear", yet we're supposed to just gloss over the fact that he deftly sidestepped a flying flip-flop and kept talking as if it never happened?

His spidey sense tingled and for that split second he blew his cover.

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So no. I'm not going to comment on this, do an article on this, or play any of the really crappy flash games that are supposed to be "hysterical" but just end up depressing me because people seem to enjoy them.

I refuse to write about this topic.

Because I for one am above cheap shots at the President, don't want to seem hack or trite, and most importantly of all...

...I don't want eggs laid in my face.

-Coyote