Game Update 25 and Tailored Clothing

EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue

"They say that the clothes make the man." A large Kerran holding a microphone muses as he looks into a television camera. "But what happens when those clothes cause their creators pain, anguish, and even monetary loss?" He asks, rhetorically, as he shifts his weight slightly.

"This is Coyotee Sharptongue with Ten Ton Hammer News, reporting to you live, from a peaceful demonstration deep within the heart of Qeynos." The catman finishes, a suppressed chuckle escaping.

"Standing with me today.." He preludes with another barely covered giggle. "Are a group of adventures who wish only to be known as the Qeynos Four." He explains as he clears his throat and tries to look serious. "As you can see, in protest to the new Tailored clothing available, they've...ahh..well." Coyotee simply points as the camera pans to the left.

Four humans and one huge Ogre, who waves cheerily at the camera, come into focus. Apart from their grim demeanors and a small black mask, they wear absolutely nothing else. Naked as the day they were born, they stand proudly as the reporter, still chuckling, steps into the scene.

"So...Qeynos Four. Could you tell us in your own words, exactly why you have chosen to stand nude in the middle of the City?" Coyotee asks, obviously amused.

A burly human steps forward and nods once to the camera as he looks on with a serious scowl.

"Coyotee, since LOSER Update number twenty-five, the tailored clothing for MEN has been repulsive." The leader growls as the others agree, and the Ogre scratches himself thoughtfully.

"Itchy, bland, and emasculating clothing, that you couldn't GIVE away right now!" He continues as Coyotee nods in agreement.

"Okay, I can understand your concern with the clothing, but....why are you NAKED?" The reporter asks as he fights back yet another giggle.

"Because we refuse to wear those inferior rags!" The nudist fires back angrily. "We refuse to bow down to the tailors, these horrible fashions, and we REFUSE to pay to look like fools!" He growls shaking a fist towards the camera.

"Okay, so you don't buy the clothing, I understand that. Boycott is a very effective form of protest, but it still doesn't explain the nudity." Coyotee counters shaking his head.

"What did you expect us to wear, dresses?" The leader of the snaps back.

"Um..whatever you wore before the tailored clothing? Can't you just go back to wearing your armor and normal clothing?" The cat man asks in confusion as he looks between the men.

The four naked men exchange alarmed glances as they realize the truth in the Kerra's statement. Eyes wide and red cheeked they look around in embarrassment.

"We..um...n-no..See...we um..oh boy." The leader stammers suddenly embarrassed. "We stand for freedom..and..uh..justice. You know..what the little guy can't do. We're the Qeynos Four?" He asks meekly, his rally cry more of a question than shout.

"Five." Coyotee corrects as he motions to the naked Ogre who waves back happily.

"We thought he was with you.." The nudist leader turns to look at the Ogre in confusion.

"Why would I bring a naked OGRE?" The Kerran asks incredulously as all eyes turn towards the nude giant.

"Well he's not with us, and if he's not with you..." One of the Four points out as they all stare at the stranger among them. A long and awkward silence passes before the reporter finally speaks.

"So...why are *you* here?" Coyotee asks reluctantly, as he holds the microphone to the Ogre.

"Krunnk like to feel tha breeze on him tingly no no places..." The Ogre grins happily as he talks while staring directly into the camera, obviously more than aware of it.

"Um..well..I think..we uh..proved our point." One of the Qeynos Four says, elbowing his friends, who all quickly catch on and sound in agreement.

"Yeah..we..uh..We should be going now. Fight the power and all that." Their leader says, with a frightened look towards the Ogre, as he motions for his companions to leave.

"What that HELL is WRONG with you?" Coyotee asks Krunnk as he shields his eyes away from the sky clad monster.

"Shhhh." The Ogre whispers coyly as he puts a mammoth finger to the cat man's lips.

"Talk with you heart." The giant whispers as the other four men slowly distance themselves.

The reporter takes a step backwards as he turns in amazement to the camera. Stealing nervous glances at the nude behemoth he clears his throat as the Qeynos Four disappear in the distance.

"T-tailor made clothing." Coyotee stammers as he clears his throat. "Its implementation was designed to add diversity and a bit of flair to our drab city." He explains, his voice moving the Ogre to rage.

"That NOT you HEART!" Krunnk growls in warning as Coyotee tries to ignore him.

"But instead, it inspires..." The reporter tries to continue, but he's drowned out by another bellow from the Ogre.

"KRUNNK SAY TALK WITH YOU HEART!" Krunnk roars angrily, interrupting the news cast.

"I quit." Coyotee says quickly, as he drops the microphone and dashes off camera, the Ogre fast on his heels.

"YOU NOT QUIT LOVE!" Krunnk screams after him as the camera bounces violently.

"LOVE QUIT YOU!" Can be heard, followed by screams for help as the scene mercifully fades to black.


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Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016

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