The Mysteries of The Kingdom of Sky"

EQ2 Humor by Coyotee Sharptongue

"The Kingdom of Sky. Magical islands that can house entire cities, or become home to droves of horrific monsters. Ripped from Norrath itself, these floating tracts of land have been a source of mystery and legend for countless years as few have the ability or the courage to explore them." A large Kerran holding a microphone glances skyward before smiling back at the camera.

"This is Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news bringing you the TRUE story, as today we meet with Saidra Noddaman, Adventurer and self proclaimed expert and unofficial Historian for the Kingdom of Sky." The reporter smiles as the camera focuses in on a slender Elven male.

"Saidra, the Kingdom of Sky is a mystery to those of us unable to reach it for fear that we have not the experience, or as some would say, level. What can you, as an historian and scholar tell us of this world of floating islands?" Coyotee asks respectfully as Saidra smiles smugly.

"Well Coyotee, the Kingdom of Sky is a magical and wondrous place. Floating cloud lifts, giant chains constructed by unknown metal workers, and a wondrous city who's beauty, splendor and grandeur have been known to make men weep." Saidra says as he raises his hands skyward in theatrical flair.

"It sounds like a truly amazing place." Coyotee admits as Saidra nods on in agreement. "But can you tell us more about the islands themselves? How they came to be?" He asks as the Elf smiles slightly.

"Indeed I can." He admits with a wink as he turns towards the camera. "The Kingdom of Sky is comprised of four islands that bob and weave on a sea of air like -" The Elf starts to explain as he's cut off.

"I'm sorry. Did you say FOUR islands?" Coyotee asks as Saidra smiles on unabashed. "I was under the impression that there were a great deal more than FOUR." He states with a tilt of his head.

"Four PRIMARY islands, yes. There are lesser island, but there are four MAIN islands." Saidra chuckles as he clucks his tongue. "It's impolite to interrupt." He chides as Coyotee quickly covers his faux pax and smiles.

"My apologies. Please continue." The reporter offers as Saidra smiles back.

"As I was saying, there are four PRIMARY islands that make up the wondrous and exotic bulk of the Kingdom of Sky. The first island is a magical land of animated toys." The Elf explains as the reporter blinks in surprise.

"Animated toys? I've never heard rumor of animated toys." Coyotee challenges, his eyes still wide in disbelief.

"Well, you seen Billy haven't you?" Saidra explains as if talking to a child. Coyotee's eyes widen even further, the disbelief giving way to pure terror as he nods his head quickly.

"Well then. This island is full of animated toys, but unlike Billy who lives happily in Nektropos Castle, these toys were unwanted because of small defects." The Elf continues, drawing another question from the reporter.

"Defective toys? How so?" The Kerran asks, images of toys more horrific than the living doll causing his voice to tremble.

"Well lets see.." Saidra trails as he ticks off his fingers. "There's a Cowboy who rides an ostrich, a squirt gun that only squirts grape jelly...and a Charlie in the box." The Elf chuckles as he shakes his head, muttering "Poor Charlie."

Coyotee frowns as he looks around in annoyance before looking back at Saidra.

"Isn't that...The Land of Misfit Toys from the old Rudolph cartoon?" The Kerran asks flatly.

"It most certainly is NOT." The Elf replies indignantly as he crosses his arms. "THAT was a Cartoon. Lets not be SILLY Coyotee." Saidra huffs as the reporter is taken a back slightly.

"It just sounds like - "The reporter starts but is quickly cut off by the Elf as he moves on with his descriptions.

"The Second island is one born of pure magic." He says with flair as he splays his hands before him. "Anything you wish, every dream and every fantasy can come true. As your griffin lands you are greeted by the island's host and his cherubic side kick, a Halfling who - "Saidra explains with that same happy smile only to get interrupted once again.

"Okay. That's FANTASY ISLAND!" Coyotee chimes in, throwing the tale spinning Elf off guard.

"N-no..no it isn't." Saidra glibly defends.

"Yes it is. And the first one WAS the Island of Unwanted Toys." The Kerra accuses angrily. " Have you even BEEN to the Kingdom of Sky?" He asks in obvious irritation.

"And the THIRD Island is Called "La Isla Bonita" by the natives and - " Saidra says hurriedly as he ignores Coyotee, only to be cut off again.

"That's a MADONNA Song! You haven't? Have you? You've NEVER been to the Plane of Sky!" Coyotee accuses in sudden realization.

"Dude. I'm 26. I'd die in a *heartbeat* up there." Saidra says as if the Reporter was obviously insane for asking such a ridiculous question.

"Then WHY on NORRATH would you bill yourself out as the EXPERT and "Unofficial Historian" of the Kingdom of Sky?!?" Coyotee asks as he makes little quote marks in the air with his fingers.

"I like the robes." Saidra admits as he runs his fingers over his full length gown.

"You LIKE the..but..wuh.." Coyotee stammers as he looks around in exasperation. "What about the KINGDOM OF SKY?!" He demands as the Elf picks at a piece of lint on the hem of his gown.

"You're so big on it, YOU go up there." Saidra says with a roll of his eyes.

"But YOU are the EXPERT!" The Reporter howls as the Elf puts a hand on his hip.

"Well then, maybe you shouldn't have interrupted me there Correcty Correcterton." The Elf says huffily.

For a long moment the reporter can only stare at the Elf in stunned silence. After a long moment he sighs, and hefting his microphone he turns towards the camera.

"The Kingdom of Sky. A haven for seasoned warriors, and well trained adventurers alike. Its boundaries almost limitless and its offerings a bounty for any man. Yet in order to obtain riches and fame, one must first work on achieving the skill and ability that lead to it. Back to you Tom and Diane." Coyotee says in defeat as the camera slowly fades to black.

"Now I'm not going to tell you about the Island with the Dinosaur park on it." Saidra says haughtily as the feed link fades away.

"I hate you." Coyotee sighs as the camera cuts to static.

*End*