EverQuest II: Terminology 101

EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue

Hello, and Welcome to EverQuest II Terminology 101 with your Professor,
DOCTOR Coyote Sharptongue, PhD, M.D, F.B.I, I.O.U.

It doesn't matter if you are brand new to the game, or an old timer who's
just confused by the lingo and terminology of the new Adventurers of today,
(Wearing their armor low so that you can see their loin cloth, damn kids today.)
this class is for you.

Today, we'll be going over some familiar, and some unfamiliar lingo to help
you understand, and get more acclimated to the game.

Let's being, shall we?

Mob

What it means: Slang for the monster, creature, or targeted encounter.

What it REALLY means: You go to pull the ONE monster, creature, or targeted
encounter and you get your intended target, thirty-seven of his friends, and a
rare spawn epic 4x Named.

It's called a Mob because A) You get beaten by a zillion monsters that you
didn't see and B) Your group forms a Mob and beats you senseless because its the
third time in two hours you've done this. C) Your group hires a Mob type person
to put a "hit" out on you because you can't seem to grasp the concept of
"Waiting for the healer to have mana before pulling".

Looking For Group (LFG)

What it means: You are an adventurer looking for..well..adventure. You'd like
to join up with a group of other adventurers and go off on..um..an
adventure.

What it REALLY means: You've been kicked out of every guild and group from
here to the Exchange Server and you can't get anyone to group with you, which
sucks - because leeching XP while you are AFK is the only way you can level. You
have no friends, nobody likes you, and we're guessing that you smell in real
life too.

It’s all in the advertising. Saying "40 Paladin LFG" in /ooc channel while
having your LFG tag on will more than likely help you overcome any stigma
associated with picking up hitchhikers. Spamming it every seven seconds, on
macro, to every channel...will show everyone exactly why you can't find a group
in the first place.

Auto-Follow (AF)

What it means: Handy little device that allows your character to follow any
character in your group without the burden of manual navigation.

What it REALLY means: "I'm away from my computer, so please throw me off a
cliff or lure me to the bottom of a lake."

No other function in EverQuest II is more blatantly abused solely for the
sick and demented pleasure of your giggling group mates. People will GLADLY kill
themselves in order to kill you off for the sake of teaching you a lesson. The
lesson?

"DON'T TRUST ANYONE!"

No matter how nice they are, no matter how you THINK you can trust them, you
can't. The nicest, friendliest, most helpful guild mate you KNOW will become a
cliff diving madman the moment you are blindly following them.

Mistell

What it means: Due to the number of chat channels, tells, and message you can
give and receive - you responded incorrectly to your guild, leaving them
confused.

What it REALLY means: You just got caught Cybering. No matter how badly you
try to play off "I slowly remove your shirt and kiss the swell of your breast."
as a joke or an "intentional mistell" you my friend, are BUSTED.

You are forever going to be known as a pervert and there are now 900 private
messages flying around your circle of friends as they try to determine WHOM you
are slipping the digibone to. Watch how and where you are responding as "i tuch
ur b00bie lolz" is never the proper response to a raid leader asking if everyone
is ready.

Be Right Back (BRB) or Away from Keyboard (AFK)

What it means: You've got to take a quick absence from the game, and you'll
be right back. You're not at your keyboard, and you're alerting your guild mates
to this fact.

What it REALLY means: 1) "Leave me in a zone that is about to re-pop and
watch giggling from a safe distance because I forgot to invis myself." Right up
there with auto follow, announcing to your group that you are not only
vulnerable, but vulnerable and not paying attention is a MISTAKE. Prolonged
"AFK's" are usually noted by your group leader starting conversations about you
that begin with "Do you know what would be funny?" or "QUICK! Who is he auto
following?!?"

2) It could also mean: "I am a huge leech who hopes that being "AFK" long
enough will drive you insane and you'll go fight while I earn in game experience
for watching that HILARIOUS "Leeroy Jenkins" video for the 100th time." If you
are lucky enough, the AFK'er is actually AFK and your group will quickly whack
him by taking a swan dive off of a rather steep cliff.

Asswad (a,s,s,w,a,d)

What it means: You are using the "letter" keys for manual movement, but have
accidentally opened a conversation window.

What it REALLY means: You were cybering and the brown stuff just hit the fan
with a resounding "SMACK". Caught literally with your pants down, you try
frantically to elude death, evade the attacking monster, and save the situation
- but are still in the middle of a "talk" section so instead of saving your own
backside, you end up calling the monster an Asswad and dying at his feet.

Also, "My hands caress your body as I gently kiss your ASSWAD" will not only
kill your guild mates, the person you are cybering with, and anyone else who
sees it as you are once again caught Cybering.

(*note* Inspired by and first discovered in the story "I am
WAAAADDDDDDDDD!" which is not only funny, but part of EverQuest II history. I
highly recommend it.)

n00b (Newb, Noob, Noobie)

What it means: Someone who is new to the game and unfamiliar with its
controls and zones.

What it REALLY means: Anyone lower level than you that can't hold his own.
They should RESPECT YOUR LEVEL. If someone is higher level than you, they've
worked harder, played more, and KNOW more than you ever could hope to. Stupid
N00bs.

Farmer

What it means: Someone who is repeating the same task or collection for a
small reward that accumulates in size upon repeating it over and over, thus able
to buy better gear and items.

What it REALLY means: Anyone HIGHER level than you that teases you for not
holding your own. They should RESPECT your LEVEL. If someone is higher level
than you, they bought the level, played less, and didn't have to work and scrape
like YOU do. Stupid Farmers.

Loading...Please Wait

What it means: A polite little message thrown up between zones so that you
know your game hasn't locked solid, it's merely loading!

What it REALLY means: You just died. You just died HARD. Be it at the hands
of a monster you never saw, or at the bottom of a long screaming death fall as
your guild mates huck your naively auto-following backside off of a cliff - yer
dead, and you never saw it coming.

Welcome to EverQuest II, where the only lessons learned are learned the hard
way. With luck, by the time you've reached these words you've turned into a
bitter jaded gamer who doesn't trust anyone and has developed a paranoia induced
nervous tick.

Now my friends, you are ready to play.

-Coyote