The Origins of Brell Day

EQ2 Humor by Coyotee Sharptongue

"Brell Day. A Holiday unlike any other." A large Kerran holding a microphone says solemnly into the camera as he sweeps an arm around the tavern behind him. "Full of ritual, rite, and miracles - Brell Day has long been a favorite holiday amongst the dwarves, and today we're going to find out it's origins, and the reasoning behind these truly epic celebrations. This is Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news, bringing you this exclusive coverage." He says as he moves towards a barrel chested dwarf in ceremonial robes.

"Standing with me today is local Qeynosian Priest of Brell, Klathar Stouthammer." The reporter introduces as the dwarf raises a mug of ale in greeting. "Klathar has graciously offered to teach us more about Brell, in hopes of helping us better understand this holiday. Klathar, what can you tell us about Brell?" He asks, holding the microphone out towards the dwarf.

Finishing his mug of ale, the dwarf belches slightly and smiles into the camera as he grabs the microphone, pulling it nearer.

"He's a god." Klathar grins, as he releases the microphone and reaches for another tankard of ale.

Laughing lightly Coyotee grins and prods the sturdy dwarf for more information.

"That much we knew." Coyotee chuckles. “But what can you tell us about Brell and more importantly Brell Day?" He inquires as he holds out the microphone once more.

"Well lad, it's like this. On Brell day..." Klathar preludes thoughtfully. "Ya git drunk." He says with a nod as he drinks from his ale, nodding at his own wisdom.

"Surely that can't be all there is to it." Coyotee smiles hesitantly, unsure of the dwarf's statement.

"Well o'course not." Klathar laughs, setting the large cat-man at ease. "You git REALLY drunk." He adds sitting at a table as Coyotee's face falls.

"But what about....Brell, and the reason for the holiday and Miracles and stuff? You know, the facts?" Coyotee asks with a frown.

"Facts? Miracles?" Klathar asks as he takes another long pull off of his tankard before nodding. "Sure..sure. We got miracles. Here." He explains as he grabs the arm of a passing tavern wench. Spinning the woman roughly he looks up at the large Kerran.

"Ya see this lass?" The dwarf asks as he stops the woman mid spin and presents her to the reporter. Looking at the serving girl's lazy eye, full bushy beard, and gap tooth smile, Coyotee smiles politely and nods.

"Yes..um..she's quite..uh..lovely." Coyotee stammers awkwardly as the woman beams at the compliment and runs a hand daintily through her greasy, unkempt hair.

"What?!" Klathar blinks in surprise as he turns towards the tavern wench. "No she ain't!" He laughs rudely as he looks her over. "Ain't a tooth in her head pointin' in the same direction, her eye spins loose like'a top, an' her face looks like she's been runnin' tha hundred meter dash inna ninety meter room!" He roars as the woman sighs sadly and pouts a bit, looking to the floor in shame.

"And what is the Miracle? Can Brell turn her into a beautiful Maiden?" Coyotee asks in confusion as Klathar rolls his eyes.

"Dinna be DAFT boy. Ain't a miracle been hatched tha' can scrape the ugly offa that hull." The dwarf says as he grabs another frothy mug of ale. "But after a gut fulla these?" He preludes as he slams the alcohol in a long hearty gulp. "She'll be lookin' like tha fairest lass ya ever laid yer eyes on!" He chuckles as he gives the woman a pinch and slaps at her playfully, shooing her away.

"But that's not a miracle, that's just getting drunk." Coyotee points out as the dwarf laughs lightly.

"No boy, that's getting really, REALLY drunk. Tha miracle comes ifin' ya can get away before ya sober up!" Klathar laughs loudly as he grabs for another foaming tankard. "To BRELL DAY!" He roars, lifting his mug to the room.

"TO BRELL DAY!" The room roars back cheerfully as they drink in the God's name.

The reporter looks around in annoyance before dipping the microphone towards the Priest of Brell.

"What about real miracles?" Coyotee asks with a sigh. "Things that can't be explained, proof that your god watches over you and grants you his favor. REAL Miracles, do you have any of those?" The reporter asks as Klathar drains yet another mug and belches loudly as he wipes his mouth on his sleeves.

"Well why dinna ya say so lad? Ifin it's MAGIC you want, watch THIS!" The dwarf exclaims loudly as he sets down his empty mug. Staggering to his feet, the Priest of Brell closes his eyes and turns his face skyward.

Stepping back cautiously, the reporter watches as the small man begins to pray in his native tongue. His hands being to glow, softly at first, but with stronger vibrancy with the passing of every strange syllable.

"SANCTUS NON SOBRIETUS BRELL!" Klathar screams at the end of his odd chant as the room explodes in a thunderous clap of smoke and light, obscuring the camera.

Several startled curses are muffled through the thick smoke as tavern patrons jump in surprise as the sudden showing of true magic.

As the smoke begins to fade, the camera focuses in on the rather proud looking dwarf who thrusts out his chest happily, looking quiet pleased with himself.

Waving away a bit of lingering smoke, Coyotee coughs and looks around.

"Impressive..*cough* but..um..what was that?" The reporter asks as he fans away the remainder of smoke.

"Behold! Tha Favor of BRELL!" Klathar bellows in impressive tones as he gestures to the table beside him.

Five full tankards of foaming ale sit in a neat row beside his still empty mug. Confused, the reporter looks around the mugs as if searching for something else.

"It's...just ale." Coyotee says with a sniff as he examines one of the tankards.

"No lad! It's BETTER than ale!" Klathar laughs as he hefts a mug. "It's FREE ale!" He roars as he clinks his drink against the Kerran's and downs it with gusto.

"You...can summon beer." The reporter says flatly.

"An' I'm workin' on them little salty pretzels too!" Klathar says proudly as he sets down his mug and reaches for another. "But ya gotta get tha wordin' juuuust right, or ya end up summonin' a real big, real angry demon." He adds as he gestures for the reporter to drink.

Looking between the dwarf and the camera, Coyotee shrugs and hefts the ale, drinking deeply as samples the "miracle brew". Smiling slightly, the Kerran sets down the empty mug and grins slightly at the dwarf who looks extremely pleased.

"TO BRELL DAY!" Coyotee yells as he hoists his empty glass.

"TO BRELL DAY!" The tavern yells back enthusiastically.

Turning towards the camera, Coyotee chuckles and reaches for another mug.

"Brell Day. A day of celebration, a day of reverence, and a day of appreciation for the finer things in life." Coyotee winks as he sips from the ale mug. "This is Coyotee Sharptongue for Ten Ton Hammer news wishing you and yours a safe and happy Holiday! Cheers!" Coyotee exclaims as he tilts back his head and noisily gulps another drink.

"Now how about them pretzels?" He asks the dwarf as he pulls up a chair. Laughing loudly, the drunken priest winks, slurring slightly.

"Now...I gosta git me wordss juss' righ' or we'll have a honkin' big demon on our hanz." Klathar laughs as the camera slowly fades to black.

*end*