Your Personality and Horoscope by Race in EverQuest II

Part 2

Half Elf - Half Human, but not accepted by humans. Half Elf, but not
accepted by Elves. Half-Elves are the ultimate Emo whiners who need to suck it
up. If you play a Half-Elves chances are you are just doing it for attention.
You love the drama of playing someone so tormented that you actually spent three
hours writing a poem about it in your tattered journal before you created the
character.

People who play Half-Elves love to show of the razor blade scars on the
inside of their wrists from the three hundred and six separate occasions where
they tried to "end it all". They are tormented and broody - just like their
characters - and more than likely have so many piercings that they look like
they got into a fight with a roaming gang of staplers.

Romance - Romance is your IMMEDIATE FUTURE! You'll find that special
someone who understands you, accepts you, and loves you with all of their heart.
You'll both be so overwhelmed by happiness...that you'll completely negate the
"emo persona" that you embody and you'll blink out of existence in a space/time
paradox.

On the plus side - We don't have to listen to you whine.

Halfling - Chunky little food lovers who waddle around looking like
something out of The Lord of The Rings...play Halflings. HAHAH! See what we did
there? We made it sound like....

...sorry..

Ahem. Halflings are the embodiment of the sin "gluttony". Rolly polly little
munch monsters, they will take anything even remotely edible and make either pie
or booze out of it. They're so busy stuffing their face that they fail to see
how much every other race hates them. Most Halflings are born with brain damage
because their Mothers were two fisting kegs of "jum jum" during their pregnancy.
(And more than likely, conception.) If you play a Halfling its because you are
an alcoholic with hairy feet.

Romance - You'll meet some frumpy little hairy footed pudge monster
just like yourself and you'll fall desperately and madly in love with them.
You'll stagger drunkenly through the wedding and procreate to make brain damaged
off spring who will follow in your furry little foot prints.

On the plus side - Beer goggles make EVERYONE pretty.

High Elf - Noble, beautiful, pure - we know the REAL reason you chose
High Elf don't we? What's wrong? The "lesser" races too lowly for your pristine
tastes? The Mud Bloods too offensive for you Death Eaters as you wait for
He-who-shall-not-be-named to jump out the cake at your next birthday party? That
it?

High Elves are stuck up snobs, and chances are if you play one, your nose is
tilted so high up that you can smell your own eyeballs. The Nobility of
EverQuest, these High-Mucky Mucks have never gotten their hands dirty, and if
for some reason they DO have to fight something, they order their underpaid
illegal immigrant staff to do it for them.

Romance - High Elves don't make grunty faces and roll around like
savages getting sweaty and dirty. They send for the doctor who magically
combines samples from both sexes and swirls them into perfectly aligned and well
formed High Elven child. If for some reason the child is less than perfect, then
it is labeled a "Halfling", given a helmet and some scratch and sniff stickers
and sent to the Bobbleshire.

On the plus side - I think Harry Potter dies in the next book.

Human - You couldn't be more bland if you tried. Not that you would.
Trying would indicate risk, and we we're not going to do anything "risky" or
"crazy" and step out of our little safety area are we?

That's why you chose human. It's safe. Let the other folks run around with
their Ogres and Ratongas and their freaky little lizard men - you are more than
content to play plain white bread to their cinnamon sprinkle toast.

Romance - You'll be attracted to a very successful and attractive
member of the opposite sex who will also be very attracted to you! Unfortunately
you'll never work up the nerve to take the chance and talk to them - so they'll
marry some underwear model and have freaky naughty sex while you live out your
life alone until you finally succumb to depression and the torture of
solitude.

On the plus side - When you snap, and oh, you WILL snap, nobody will
see it coming and you'll be able to wrack up a HUGE body count before the timer
on your personal detonation device reaches the big red "Zero". The news will
report it as a tragedy, and everyone will say that you just "Seemed so quiet and
normal".

Iksar - Cold blooded and deadly intelligent, you only chose "Iksar"
because it fills the gaping hole in your chest where your heart should be. Iksar
enjoy only one thing in life, and that is kicking around the soccer ball. Andy
by "kicking" I mean "stomping" and by "around the soccer ball" I mean "on live
puppies".

If you play an Iksar chances are you an emotionless lump of hate that only
cries at "Old Yeller" because you didn't get to actually SEE the shotgun blast
and watch the dog go "back and to the left". The only feelings you have are
feelings of annoyance at people who point out that you don't seem to have
feelings. However you won't show emotion to these people, you'll merely accept
what they say, digest it, and then plan in a cold and calculating manner, how to
destroy them. Hannibal Lecter was an Iksar.

Romance - Romance is for the weak, however you cannot deny that at
times a certain "primal rousing" occurs. You'll find someone to use for this
purpose and then burn them with lit cigarettes until you are certain that they
will not come back around. (Unless they are Dark Elves who are into that sort of
thing.)

On the plus side - That neighbor's dog barking doesn't keep you up at
night any longer.

Kerra - Powerful, deadly, and dripping with raw animal passion, the
cat people of Norrath appeal to you, even though you'll watch three hours
straight of the weather channel because you are too LAZY to get up and get the
remote. You envision your muscles rippling as you stalk through the high grassy
plains of the wild, when in reality you are allergic to grass and the only time
you "ripple" is when you've had one too many bag of Bar-B-Q pork rinds.

If you play a Kerran, chances are you LOVE cats. Thundercats, Wildcats,
Kit-Kat bars, cats are the main influence on your life, and you wouldn't have it
any other way. Sure, your house smells like ammonia and when a stranger walks
into your home they react as if they've been maced with acid, but hey - what's
more important; Taking care of your three hundred cats, or having eyebrows?

Romance - I see a very attractive member of the opposite sex in your
near future. They are intelligent, professional, and love cats just as much as
you do! Unfortunately you'll be too busy screaming and raving like a rabid
lunatic as they remove your pets from your home and deem it a "Health Hazard" to
get their phone number.

On the plus side - You saw a sign for free kittens on the way
home!

Ogre - Huge hulking brutes that move like a wall of living muscle, if
you play an Ogre chances are you are compensating for something much ..much
..smaller. Known for their strength and fearlessness in battle, you too would be
a suicidal madman if gnomes had "more to live for" if you get my drift.

The shiny red sports car of Norrath, Ogres are indeed impressive as long as
you don't "look under the hood". Women don't play Ogres mainly because there are
not many egos that can take running around in pair of thighs thicker around than
most trees. If you play an Ogre, you are either the most secure person in the
world, or you cry yourself to sleep nightly after spending a lot of money on
Swedish made pumps and creams that you found on the internet.

Romance - Yeaaaah.

On the plus side - At least you have a good personality!

Ratonga - Sneaky, nimble, and incredibly clever, if you play a Ratonga
no matter how you view it, you are STILL PLAYING A MOUSE. People who play
Ratonga have been to Disney World one hundred and thirty six times and know fun
little facts about Mickey Mouse that no one in their right mind would ever care
about. They've seen Stewart Little so many times that their DVD player actually
physically rejects the media, and their bookshelves are bulging under the weight
of the series "Redwall" with "Martin the Warrior".

If you play a Ratonga, chances are you weren't pretty or perky enough to make
a Fae, but you still wanted to be REALLY annoying. Playing a "mouse" person in a
game where there are a race of REALLY BIG CAT PEOPLE is like wearing a costume
made out of real Twinkies to a Weight Watchers meeting. It's just not going to
end pretty. You're either naive or someone who REALLY likes pain, and in that
case - go roll a Dark Elf.

Romance - You'll meet the perfect member of the opposite sex. You'll
have four hundred kids over the next two months, and life will be grand. Then
one day you'll come home to a suicide note and your spouse will be laying
lifeless in the corner of the room - neck snapped by a huge metal bar, their
hands still reaching for the chunk of cheese.

On the plus side - Hey, free cheese!

Troll - No one plays a Troll, who are we fooling?

Wood Elf - Shadowy nature lovers who flit from tree to tree without
disturbing so much as a leaf. We have a name for people who hide in the woods
and try not be seen.

Fugitive.

If you play a Wood Elf, chances are you stole something recently and now
freak out every time you hear a siren. People who choose Wood Elf are
kleptomaniacs and will steal everything that isn't nailed down. More likely than
not they're even playing a pirated copy of the game on a stolen computer with a
hacked credit card. All Wood Elves should have their personal information sent
to the police immediately, just in case.

Romance - Prison. Soap. ‘Nuff said.

On the plus side - The Station Access rate increase really doesn't
affect YOU.