50 Things That You Won't Hear Said At Fan Faire

EQ2 Humor by Coyote Sharptongue

Fan Faire 2007 is rapidly approaching, and as it draws near gaming sites
everywhere are throwing out content on what to expect and what to look for at
Fan Faire.

Well, not me.

Anyone can give you little things like "facts" or "schedules" or "actual
information that you didn't just make up while looking at naughty pictures on
the internet" - but it takes REAL talent to bring you a list of things that you
WON'T be hearing at the Vegas Fan Faire.

"Uncle Coyote's List of Fifty Things That You Will Absolutely NOT Hear At
This Year's Fan Faire"

50) So we all agree - While Star Wars and Star Trek both have merit,
Battlefield Earth was and still is the true King of all Sci-fi films.

49) Look at that group of well tanned guys with rippling abs! The EverQuest
Fan Faire must be starting!

48) Who cares if they have wireless in the rooms! Ask about the Gym and early
morning spin classes!

47) I know this buffet is all you can eat, but not everyone has eaten yet and
I kinda filled up on salad.

46) You live in your Mother's basement? Really? All of your friends must be
so JEALOUS!

45) Impossible! I've never heard of such a thing! How can dice have twenty
sides?!?

44) I can't believe that we are the only guys here!

43) And when will we be seeing solo content added to Planetside?

42) Drizzt? Drow Elf? Sorry, never heard of it.

41) Wow, who knew that THIS many Exotic Dancers were in hardcore Raiding
Guilds!

40) What kind of loser would play video games at a video game fan faire?!

39) I'm sorry sir, but we quickly ran out of all of the "small" sized Fan
Faire T-shirts. Will Medium be too baggy?

38) Look at the size of that massive crowd for Matrix Online!

37) Bartender! More Rica Horchata! We can't get ENOUGH of this stuff!

36) Someone give Brenlo a microphone! Quick!

35) Guys! GUYS! The Vanguard II demo is starting!

34) It's amazing how little everyone spent on exotic dancers, gambling, and
alcohol while we were here!

33) We were all going to walk down to Quark's bar, but we didn't want to look
like geeks.

32) A neon red smoking liquid? No WAY am I drinking THAT!

31) Guys, I'm a little sick of talking about zombies and dragons and space
ships and video games - can we please change the subject?

30) No one? For a free T-shirt, NO one can quote a single line from The
Princess Bride? No ONE?

29) So it is settled - the ONLY race better than Ewok or Gungan would be a
Gungwok or an Egan...

28) Coyote? He said that he didn't feel like drinking and wanted a quiet
night in to reflect on the day's events.

27) Are you guys here for the seminar on gaming addiction?

26) This is Vegas eh? Thought it would be brighter, with ya know..more
lights.

25) Rangers? Like everyone else here I think that they are underpowered and I
hope that's being addressed at the Dev's meeting.

24) God damn it, will someone cover up Antonia Bayle and Firiona Vie? No one
wants to look at that all night!

23) So no one has read Lord of the Rings OR Harry Potter? Wow.

22) That was the COOLEST DANCE FIGHT EVER!!!

21) So I was quad-boxing in Planetside and..

20) We're all friends here, so why don't we call the game tournaments a tie
so everyone wins?

19) I'm sorry but..what...what's this "noob" you speak of? I've never heard
the term.

18) That's a pretty embarrassing picture of you. I'm glad no one will be
putting that up on the internet.

17) I've never seen a group of people more quiet, shy, or soft spoken - face
it, those folks from EQ2Flames are just plain TIMID.

16) Drink coupons? Feh - no thanks, no one is drinking.

15) Will someone ask those SWG players to keep it down? I'm sick of hearing
how great their precious little NGE is!

14) Wow! Did this SOE marketing and sales strategies data discussion group
sure fill up fast!

13) I know it's only a Pentium III, but Vanguard runs so smoothly I can dual
box without any hitching at ALL!

12) What's that sign say? Public Restroom, no shoes allowed...

11) Legal here or not, not a single geek among us would even CONSIDER
prostitution!

10) Wow! You look JUST like your MySpace picture!

09) Did you see how many chicks he had around him?? I KNEW I should have
rolled a Troubadour!!

08) As a raider, I speak for all of us when I say that they've been spending
too much time on raid content. When are we going to see more tradeskilling?"

07) This Lucan D'Lere wet t-shirt costume contest was the best idea EVER!

06) Five bucks for a Diet Pepsi? WHAT A BARGAIN!

05) So it is sunny and hot in Vegas - gaming geeks THRIVE in bright
sunlight.

04) ...and since there are no questions, comments or complaints from the
raiding community...

03) Aw man! Did they run out of free copies of Matrix Online ALREADY?!

02) Poor Smed. He just sits over there all alone waiting for someone to
approach him with questions..

01) Boy, that Coyote sure is FUNNY!

Now, everyone quote that last one for effect, and we'll see you in
Vegas!