Fan Faire with Coyote

by: Coyote

Thursday, April 6th

7:00am - Rise and Shine. I'm up and full of happiness and excitement because today is the FIRST DAY OF FAN FAIRE ...and I had a bowl of puppy hearts for breakfast.

8:00am - On the road to the airport - you have to be there like two hours early right? Eh..either way I just finished marking my backside with the words "Call me" and my phone number with a black Sharpie..just in case of the inevitable FULL BODY CAVITY SEARCH!

9:00am - Arrive at the airport two hours early and shuffle off to the check in, optimistic, innocent, and full of life.

9:05am - Happiness gone. Helga, the heavily mustached ex-soviet powerlifter and etiquette school drop out has chastized me for not having my driver's license ready, and thusly holding up the line consisting of one old dude who is probably lost, that spans as far as my eye can see...and has very angrily processed my boarding ticket. Her grillling of the contents of my carry on luggage has left me feeling a tad bit paranoid...

*Helga* - "Do you have any knives, guns or weapons upon your person?"

*Me* - "Newp." **Please note the pleasant PLEASE DO NOT CALL SECURITY I AM NOT A THREAT smile.**

*Helga* - "You DO realize that you have to declare these items sir?"

*Me* - "Um...but I don't HAVE those items."

*Helga (who is now suspicious because, lets face it, that IS waht the terrorists would say)* "Security will detain you if you have them."

9:10am - Dropping my bag off at Security. Helga's henchman who's name I can't read on his tag, but it probably something like "Joe", but since "Joe" isn't funny, I'll call him "Hakeem", which is a REALLY good henchman name asks..

"Do you have anything to declare?"

NOW..I have a huge bottle of Absolut vanilla vodka in there..but Hakeem looks to be a drinker and would have probably had to "inspect" several samples directly from the bottle, so I say "No."

"Thank you." he says, dismissing me in a tone that screams "WE GOT VODKA BOYS!" and I move on to security.

9:15am - I approach the security lady and I pretty much strip NAKED. I mean, who am *I* fooling? I always get the strip search, so..I cut right to the chase.

"I just need to see your BOARDING PASS sir!" she says...directing me to the ACTUAL security people. I provide my ID and go...but I'm pretty sure she copied the number off of my backside as I walked on by.

9:16am Actual Security. I throw all of my items in the little lunch tray bin thingie and go to step through the beeper death ray...all the while thinking of the laser grid scene from Resident Evil.

"NOT SO FAST SIR!" Commander Buck Testosterone, the very large and very enthusiastice TSA announces in a LOUD CLEAR VOICE that would have alarmed everyone one in line behind me that I was a possible threat..if the old dude hadn't wandered off..or died..or whatever.

"Can you remove your belt?" He asks in that not-inside-voice that he uses...and I make my first mistake of the day.

"Gunna buy me dinner first Playa?" I joke, actually spelling "Playa" with an "A" at the end.

9:20-9:30am - I learn that you do not joke with TSA agents. Ever. And that being patted down by a strange man that likes his job a little TOO much isn't very fun..and that the snap of a rubber glove now makes me go fetal and cry..

9:31am - I move off ..violated..as the TSA enjoys a victory cigarette and brags to his friends about his new conquests....I'm shamed and humilated - which always works up an appetite. So I move to the food court for breakfast.

9:40am- Deciding that a nine dollar bagel and four dollar cup of coffee are a bit too rich for my blood, I decide to skip breakfast and instead opt to enjoy a three dollar Diet Coke from the vending machine.

10:00am - I begin reading my book as I sit next to "Old weird fat guy who has to clear his throat every seven seconds." Fate tells me that he will be next to me on the flight. Fate hates me.

11:15am - Boarding. There is someone in my assigned seat. Someone old and weird and fat and someone who INSISTS that even though his seat is labeled and match my ticket, that it is HIS seat and he refuses to move. I smile and decide to play nice. I take the seat behind MY seat and start to play a rousing game of "kick the seat in front of me as hard as I can randomly" throughout the flight.

11:50am - The flight attendant who is NOT a stewardess SIR, doesn't want to hear that there is "something on the wing" ..ever again. And the old fart ahead of me is complaining of an odd "thumping" in his seat. I blame the wing monster..but she doesn't look like she's buying it.

1:00pm - I land in Philly to change planes. I'm hungry, cranky, and only have a few minutes to gobble down some airport "FUDE". I spell it F-U-D-E and not F-O-O-D, because it's like spray "Cheezz" in a can. They spell it different because its not really CHEESE and they don't want to be sued. I settle on a "Warm and Tasty" Pretzel that is neither warm NOR tasty, (the two key factors that constitute a warm and tasty pretzel, but the vendor is from a country like Afganaplakacrakastan and doesn't speak English, so I don't bother. I choke it down with the remainder of my three dollar diet coke.

1:20pm - I check in with Kiara at the Fan Faire who immediately lets me speak with RadarX..who tells me that there is only one bed for us to share. I tell him that's okay, he's gunna wake up pregnant. That spooks him and he confesses with tears that there ARE really two beds. But that's okay. I assure him...we'll only need ONE.

1:40pm - Boarding the flight to Atlanta. I get sat next to a very old, very dull librarian who is like a hundred and six. The flight passes without incident.

Except she died. (Okay..she didn't...but I gave her a stern lecture about her "autoerotic asphyxiation" fetish.)

4:30pm - I ARRIVE baby! ATLANTA AIRPORT! I'M STILL DRESSED IN SYRACUSE WINTER GEAR AND ITS A HUNDRED AND FIVE DEGREES IN THE SHADE! I DIE OF HEAT STROKE!!!...okay. I don't but..damn it...it's HOT.

4:35pm - Talk with Kiara, she's gunna meet me at baggage claim. YAY! ...wait. They have a train to BAGGAGE CLAIM? AHAHHA..some people are so lazy. Dude. I'm a MAN. I WALK.

4:45pm - Feh. Still walking. Its like RIGHT up around the corner. Some people...I mean..a TRAIN to your BAGGAGE?

4:50pm - Maybe..I took a wrong turn? No..there's a sign. Wow..this is kinda far.

4:55pm - ....where the HELL am I going?!?

5:00pm - ..crawling..legs..cramping...must..throw one true ring...in..volcano..

5:05pm - ...send...help..

5:10pm - Baggage claim! It's like the MECCA! I'm happy! SCREW the fact that my baggage has gone around that thing nine hundred thousand times and has served more than once as a bathroom to a creepy homeless guy! I'm HERE! And there is KIARA!!

5:15pm Cab ride with Kiara. Somehow we managed to get the foreign born cab driver who has made peace with HIS god and isn't afraid to die...so you know..he drives on the sidewalk, through parks, and cuts everyone off to the point where *I* get nervous. LUCKILY there is a nice buffer of dead pedestrians on his hood and bumper so that when we DO slam into the occassional car, there is no real damage. (Kiara's note - she had to listen to no less than TWELVE Hymns on the drive up to meet me.)

6:00pm - We arrive at the hotel, somehow alive, as our taxi cab driver parks the car alla the Delorian from Back to the Future, with flaming skid marks on a few slow jay walkers. They deserved it. Law breakers.

6:05pm - Check in. Hit the hotel room and meet up with RadarX who has a gun. We're SO not spooning now..unless...you know he *wants* to. I mean. He's got a GUN. Radar is a cool guy - and we hit it off right away, probably one of the nicest, kindest, most generous and ruggedly handsome guys I have ever met who have a gun..pointed at me as I type this.

6:10pm - Registration. No one can find the people who have my special "Site Affliated" pass. We wander around and I meet "Kiara"...the person who HAS the name "Kiara" and the reason that OUR "Kiara" has to spell her name "Kiiara". I deeply and whole heartedly apologize for any "interesting" messages that I might have accidently sent to him. He kisses me slowly and tells me its all okay. Radar had his gun on us. I feel violated.

6:35pm - I meet Ashlanne and Brenlo - And I'm happy. Ashlanne is very pregnant, and turns down my promise to worship her and buy her drinks because of this whole "oooh..I have a baby in me" excuse. But she's adorable and the reason I'm here, so I tell her that I owe her an orange juice and pickle shake..because..ya know. Pregnant chicks and those cravings. Brenlo on the other hand is NOT pregnant, but we're trying. *crosses fingers* Probably one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, and someone I've been dying to meet for years. We make a date to hang out later, and oddly enough he wants the orange juice and pickle smoothie too.

6:45pm - We find...RAIJINN! Joel - SOE guru, Mod, and all about "Hod cah GANGSTA up IN dis BIZNATCH"..I don't know what that means, but he made me type it. He has Radar's gun pointed at me. He hooks me up with my access and we set off to find the others that are going to be here.

7:00pm - TALLIKA!! A massive dwarven arm collides with my brainpan from behind as I'm hugged. His beard threatens to eat me, so I don't protest (okay..I hugged him), and we meet up with the crew that is going to get me arrested later in the evening. Loolee, Casters Realm's Sypher, Tallika and Sandor. We all exchange love and greetings and decided that we need to go out to eat...but where? Where do we GO?!?

7:15pm - We arrive at Hooters. Tallika, on a successful scouting mission has found the Mecca - and has brought us home to the motherland. I have never been so happy in my life.

8:00pm - After several drinks, Hooters, and Sypher getting denied more alcohol - we spy them. A rival party of EQ2 adventurers....who haven't noticed us. We decide then and there....to gank them. With a Hooter's coaster enscribed painstakingly with the word "/duel"..I make our party's presence known, slapping it down with a sneer.

8:01pm - 8:30pm - We annoy and piss off every "normal" Hooter's patron as we use up every coaster in the place with an emote war with the other table - who turns out to be VERY cool. So we invite them back to our hotel room for a little social gathering that Sandor, Sypher, and lots of vodka have decided is a REALLY good idea. (Plus, we TOTALLY PWNED them in the duel. N00bz!)

8:30 - 9..ish - We have to go back to Sandor's place because he has booze there.....and things start to get fuzzy. Did you know that the cops here wear PITH HELMETS? I didn't know that there lions in Georgia, but it doesn't surprise. Lions are sneaky like that.

9ish..10ish...or so. Vokda. Lots of Vokada. We make fun of Radar's obsession with Mal Renyold's backside..and I think I put out a "Bootycall" to Slide. I liek vodka.

Sometime - PEOPLE SHOW UP! We laugh. We joke. We drink. I remember distinctly making fun of someone's Gilligan hat and MC Hammer pants. He also said that it was good that in "Serenity" when Wash died. I think Kiara bit off his face. I'm not sure, because I like vodka.

Four..ish. I only know its this early because I stumbled over the remains of the alarm clock in my search for the bed. I don't like vodka.

 

Friday - Day Negative One (HA! In your FACE Casters Realm)

6:55am - Wide awake. We stumble out of seperate (He has a gun, if you remember) beds and survey the damage. HOLY empty booze bottles Batman! It's like the frat house from animal house in here. We actually have John Belushi's corpse propped up in the corner of the room. There is a pair of shoes who's owner is unknown , and someone threw up on the ceiling. Most of Tallika's beard is still here...drinking. It growled at me..so I didn't include it in the clean up. I'm frightened.

8:00am - After trying to piece the previous night back together, and fighting off Tallika's beard with the toilet plunger before locking it still snarling in the closet, we shower (seperately..damn gun) and finish up the clean up...and begin to write up yesterday's blog. This takes a bit longer than one would anticipate because Radar's laptop comes with this cool function that makes the text jump around to random spots on the page for no apparent reason. *Blogger's note. I am *NEVER* Drinking again.

10:30am - We need food, something solid and palatable that will take this taste out of my mouth. I don't recall the incident, but apparently, and I guess this by the taste and feeling on my tongue, I had suckled on a homeless man's underpants. We head down to the food court and order the first thing that I see in display case. Plastic grapes, while low in calorie, help not in the quest to get the taste of soiled jockey shorts out of my mouth, so I have a sandwich and a double shot of expresso. Because Coyote on caffiene is like Christmas.

11:00am - We meet up with the rest of the crew, who apparently have been turned into Zombies, because none of us are exactly perky. Tallika (now reunited with his beard) "Feigns Death" on the nearest giant beanbag chair. But before I can recreate the infamous "Darammer Corpse Defiling" his beard screams out a warning which alerts the rest of the heard and he scrambles crab-like away from me.

11:15am - The Phat Lewt table. EQ2 swag in all its finest...except it doesn't have anything branded with our server name, so we did what any other adventuring party would do. We all quit and went off to play WoW. Okay..we didn't, because the name "Leeroy Jenkins" was already taken and Radar wouldn't play without his namesake.

11:30am - Expresso sucks. I am DEAD. Radar is dead. Kiara is HOT but dead and the rest of the party wants to nap, so we all part ways for a "Why the HELL did we get up?!?" afternoon nap.

12:30pm - I have a nightmare involving Tallika's beard. Some may call it obsession, I call it "survival instinct." Assuring myself that the room IS empty, I fall back asleep..cautiously.

2:00pm - Refreshed, perky, and awoken by the house keeping staff who followed the stench of stale beer and discarded clothing to our room, we decide to actually do something productive at this year's Fan Faire and sit in on a couple of discussions.

2:30pm - On the way to the first forum discussion, we decide to stop by Starbucks to get me a Quadruple-expresso, seven syrup Mochachinofrapalatte with extra caramel - hold the whip creme because you really don't wanna go OVERBOARD on these things.. It tastes really good and I suddenly discover that I can vibrate my molecules to such impossible speeds that I can now pass through solid objects. Kiara finds M&M's. Seven people are killed and three are still missing. We will update this situation as more bodies are uncovered. Kiara also gets this fru-fru girly tea drink that Radar described aptly as "A popouri party in my mouth."

3:00pm - Gameplay Discussion, Open Forum.

I learn something of extreme importance that has drastically changed my outlook on life. People are stupid. No. Really. They are. They should NOT have called this a "Gameplay" discussion. It should have been entitled "Chance to whine to the Developers about your class because you lack the ability to play it." I was *AMAZED* at the sheer number of people who wanted their class to have the abilities of another class (I.E. - "Templars upset that they don't have scout abilities, Paladins upset that they don't have scout abilities, and Monks who want scout abilities.) However MUCH kudos to the SOE staff who quickly pointed out that maybe these people should roll a scout. This was shot down, because hey! They don't WANT a scout, just the scout's abilities. I actually ask a question, and no..they will not kill off Kenneth Ashburn or Nathan Ironforge. However you WILL soon be able to betray your current city at any level and as many times as you wish - however, when you do so all of your spells will be reduced to Apprentice I. Also, the "unequip" macro exploit has been changed and clarified - If you die within two minutes and unequip or reequip - only the most expensive of the equipped item in that slot or removed will take the penalty. It was an interesting and professional discussion - but somehow I clawed through it. Moorguard also gave special love to the world's most inept raiders who seemed to boo him with every remark. I had planned on interviewing these people, but they died horribly and respawned elsewhere when they tried to stand too fast. Instead, I introduced myself to Moorguard, whom upon learning my identity had me forceably removed from the assembly. What a whacky sense of humor. The restraining order almost looks REAL.

3:50pm - I met the one and only "Aggrome" who is an incredibly cool. Its good to meet another EQ2 humorist who actually has a sense of humor. I enlighten him to the "Grumpy Old Gnomes" and laughing, he punched me in the mouth. If ANYONE is actually reading this blog - I am already dead - ...I mean, GO to www.aggrome.com and read through this man's writings. I heard he was the SECOND best humor writer out there...which is exactly what he heard about me.

4:00pm - Open Forum - The Future of Everquest 2

In the future of Everquest, food will come in pill form, sidewalks will move while you stand idol and we will all have personal jet packs and flying cars. ...Okay..I didn't stay for the meeting because Radar had this compelling argument of "Lets go." to which I couldn't refute...but I'm guessing that is what they talked about. Either that or in the future, Tallika's beard has forcefully become a god, but unable to create life through many attempts, it instead sucks life from the planet and leaves the world in shambles. Fear the beard.

4:50pm - The crew slowly starts reforming, as we sit around with Community Relations Manager "Raijinn", whom, leaning in close to possibly tell us the deepest secrets of the game, punches me in the mouth and slaps me with a restraining order. The whole SOE team is wacky like that.

5:30pm - We have to eat before the Welcoming Reception, because Sandor is sure there will be no food. We need food. Real food. Not that Hooter's slop that we sucked down the night before. I mean - at Hooters, they could be serving you a deepfried sweatsock, and you would just numbly eat it because hey....Boobies. Sandor takes up the lead of the party as we all autofollow him trustingly.

5:40pm - Mutiny. Sandor's sense of direction is ONLY surpassed by his fashion sense (as he apparently pulled his shirt from the still decaying corpse of the late Pat Morita), and as he leads us past yet another street jesus, I bravely take hold of the reigns of power, and lead us to our dining destination.

5:50pm - Hooters. I order something and eat it while staring at boobies. The rest of them also order something while staring at boobies. We stare at boobies. I dimly recall, not joking, finding a deep fried feather in my food. I ate it anyway. It was salty.

7:30pm - The Welcoming Reception.

...they serve food. We all take turns kicking Sandor in groin. We wander aimlessly through masses of other gamers as we attempt to find the "Kithicor" table. We do. It's small. Joining forces with the other members of the Kith server, we over take two other tables in an aggressive example of hostile feng shui. Leeroy Jenkins is at our table, but I let him live....for now. All sorts of laughter and contests ensue as the great Brenlo calls people up on stage to win a prize by doing their favorite e-mote. As I /rude the ENTIRE AUDIENCE...and WIN a PRIZE for doing it...I can see the light of dawning comprehension shine in Brenlo's eyes. With a smile and a friendly handshake, he punches me in the mouth and slaps me with a restraining order.

9:30pm - Free booze at a live band club. Luckily I'm not drinking having sworn it off.

9:31pm - While enjoying a glass of Vodka, we sit and watch the first live band. The lead singer looked like a cross between Mick Jagger and a stick figure as he strutted around the stage. This didn't bother me - or honestly catch my notice as I was too busy staring at the massive afro that was slowly consuming the bass player's head as we watched in horror. Half way through the second song, Tallika's beard detatches from his face and begins to mate frantically with the massive hair-fro. I fear for the future of humanity.

10..pm..ish? Didn't I swear off Vodka? Maybe it was just that fourth glass, because this fifth is going down easy. We've left the massive hair show, and Tallika's beard, now saited by the pulsating unjulations of it's impromptu hair orgy has reattached and joined us in the good part of the club. It is loud..it is good..they have vodka.

Sometime - Stuff happens. I don't remember any of it. There are pictures...horrible..horrible pictures that need to be destroyed. As soon as the club stops spinning I will destroy them all..

Midnight - Its dark..or maybe my eyes aren't open. I can't tell, but somehow I'm back at the hotel with Kiara and Radar. We part ways with Radar as he has "Work" to do "alone" in the hotel room. It is just coincidence that "Busty Cops Six: Trouble in Brasville" is on. We end up in Loolee's room with about eighty gajillion people. I'm on a bed with three women, so I'm not really focusing much on the room. Sandor tries to gently defend his fashion sense, Tallika's beard starts a barfight, and ..I'm on a bed with three women. Did I mention that?

REST OF THE NIGHT - oh my god....what are these pictures?!? WHO POSTED THIS!??! I am *NEVER* drinking again.

 

Day Negative 80 gazillion..fofillion..blahkillion...(Hehe..Day 0..hehe.)

6:24am - It tastes like someone used my mouth to clean out the restroom urinals at a sports arena. My face is plastered to my pillow with dried spittle and pools of still glistening drool. Someone is banging a drum next to my head relentlessly, so I open my eyes. The banging drum is really the feet of a fly on the nightstand table as it surveys its bounty of forgotten party consumables. I kill the fly and consume its soul, which helps ever so slightly with the hangover. I am NEVER drinking again. REALLY this time. Stupid loud flies.

6:25am - My killing of the fly has awakened Radar, but it was HIS fault for leaving the gun loaded. He smiles pleasantly as he greets me not with a hello, or good morning, but a cheery: "Dude..do you KNOW what you DID last night?" I hate him...because I don't. Someone should have taken pictures.

6:26am - Radar shows me the pictures.

6:27am - I accept my fate, and take small solace in the fact that they haven't been uploaded to the net yet.

6:28am - Radar shows me the uploaded files.

6:45am - I slap on a couple of Band-Aids and Radar promises not to bite anymore if I promise not to pull hair. I apologize and admit that I probably shouldn't have attacked him like that...but he *SO* deserved it. We pick up the pieces of the office chair and find most of the desk. I don't think the hotel will notice but Radar is a bit skeptical.

7:00am - Somehow..I order an "Adult Movie" on the room TV while trying to change the channel. I call the front desk and get it cancelled before Radar is charged. She is very nice and tells me that it happens all the time, and that before I arrived Radar had "accidentally" ordered Broke Back Mountain......a hundred and seven times.

7:30am - Showers to wash away the shame of the night before that has come alive in picture format.... I scrub and I scrub..but it won't come off WHY WON'T IT COME OFF?

8:15am - Freshly showered, we make plans to take on the day. Someone says "Larry Elmore" is downstairs. What kinda sacreligious moron makes the name LARRY ELMORE? I decide to make this person my special friend and torment them for the rest of the Fan Faire. Even OUT of the game I am forced to petition names.

8:33am - Radar "accidentally" orders Broke Back Mountain while I'm using the bathroom. Twice. I point out that this might be a subconscious cry for help, to which he responds with an "Intellectual Debate."

8:47am - Fresh Band-Aids and renewed promises not to bite and pull hair..or kick in the groin. Also, we will not mention the Broke Back Mountain thing to anyone. So nobody read this part.

9:00am - I pass by an art booth and notice the kind looking older gentleman sitting there trying to enjoy his breakfast. It's REALLY Larry Elmore. Not some jerk with no sense of imagination or creativity, but LARRY FRICKIN' ELMORE. The artist who's done the covers to almost every readable item in my HOUSE. THE Larry Elmore - trying to enjoy his ham and cheese egg sandwich thing...I should leave him be.

9:05am - I've spent the last five minutes trying to talk to Mr. Elmore. So far all that I've managed to say is "Iggy buh fwep," and drool on his prints as he tries to eat his breakfast. I think we've bonded.

9:06am - I leave my brilliant conversation of clicks and whistles and stammering half words with Mr. Elmore to RUN down Radar, frantically tugging on his sleeve like a six year old hitting his mother up for money when the ice cream man drives by. I convey to him through a series of arm gestures and ancient tribal silent hunting signs that LARRY Fricking ELMORE is REALLY there. Radar nods having KNOWN this the entire time and suggests that we interview him for Ten Ton Hammer. I think that this is a great idea and tell him so by wetting myself violently. Let it be known that I am a dork...

9:07am - Radar slaps down his recorder and we start our exclusive interview with Larry Elmore. Radar starts the conversation flowing, and I quickly start grilling him with questions that only a fan, or someone who goes through his garbage on a daily basis, or both would ask. I also steal his sandwich and put it on eBay when he's not looking.

10:00am - We leave Mr. Elmore to look for his mysteriously disappearing breakfast as, Golem-like, I cradle a print of "Dragons of Spring Dawning" to my chest, petting it lovingly as I growl at those who pass too closely by. I have a signed Elmore..my precious...

11:00am - I've told everyone and anyone I've met - including the weird homeless guy who asked Radar and I for a very specific amount of money ("Do you have thirteen cents?"), that I just met and got a print from LARRY ELMORE....which was usually met with a resounding "Who?" because you are ALL a buncha heathens....HEATHENS!

11:30am - Radar accidentally orders Broke Back Mountain.

12:00pm - The crew is looking haggard, and we could all use a nap...so we crash en-masse in several different beds and rooms. I pass out on the edge of a bed and hope not to fall off.

12:45pm - I fall off. Luckily with my cat like reflexes, my legs get tangled and only my torso and head thud loudly off of the floor. I see stars while everyone else in the room wakes up startled. Radar says it sounded like a melon hitting the floor, and then accidentally orders Broke Back Mountain.

2:00pm - I wake up refreshed and ready to tackle the day. Radar scrambles to unpause the "END" scene from the "Trash" episode of Firefly and scrambles out of the room, leaving me alone with Kiara and Loolee.

3:00pm - Things that would make the Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson videos seem TAME in comparison....sadly do not happen. *sobs* I walk Loolee back to her room so that she can get ready for the day, and Kiara and I go to the top floor of the hotel to stare out of the window and try to talk to one of the cleaning staff who speaks absolutely no English. I apologize in Spanish, very proud of my lingual skills..only to find out that the woman is from Russia.

4:00pm - Breaking off from Kiara and Radar (read: They maced me and threw me down a flight of stairs) I head over to Sandor/Tallika's room where the gang has assembled and sit around discussing comic books and DnD. I join right in, holding my own in knowledge, and recount my meeting with Larry Elmore. Everyone thinks that this is pretty damn cool and they tell me so by asking me never to mention it again and remind me that they've already heard it thirty times and that I should shut up.

6:00pm - The entire group has reassembled downstairs, milling about the banquet tables like jackals over a fresh kill. I meet a few of the Devs from the previous night and learn more of my actions including "Pole Dancing" with Tallika and laying in bed with Radar. I laugh at myself, able to take a joke with the best of them as I poison their food.

7:00pm Banquet time. - We steal a table, and set up for the crew. I then learn that Kiara broke off from the group earlier - to find LARRY ELMORE, and to persuade him through the power of cleavage to join OUR table for dinner. To add to the uncomfortable fanboydom that is me, they sit him right next to me...and I have dinner with LARRY ELMORE.

8:13pm - They have a Pirate "Yaaarr" off for prizes and the pirates are LAME. The only believable Pirate is Blackguard, who is disqualified for the crime of being him. I run up and quote Wash from Firefly with "Yaar. For mine is an EVIL laugh..Haar Haar haaaar" and win a SOE duffle bag of greatness. Blackguard runs me through with a cutlass in traditional Pirate congratulations. It stings a bit but I walk it off, knowing the better Pirate won..

8:30pm - Still eating, talking with Larry Elmore, and stealing the interview assignment from Radar, who I don't think REALLY minds at all. I learn things that will be in a future interview article with the artist, including that like me - he has a deep DEEP appreciation for the female form....especially parts located at chest level. Also, when Larry Elmore calls models over to your table so that you can grope on them while he takes the picture? All is right with the world.

11:20pm - We all leave the banquet and say goodbye. Mr. Elmore thanks us for keeping him company and heads off with the bound and gagged Kiara in his duffle bag. We mosey back to our collective hotel rooms to actually sleep for once, and we give long hugs and kisses and teary-eyed goodbyes to the gang. It's amazing to have grown that close to so many different people in such a short time.

12:00am - I start on the day's blog to get ahead of myself so that perhaps I can actually sleep. I'm full of energy and grinning at the prospect of recounting the day's activities.

12:20am - I head to bed, suddenly devoid of any energy as Radar accidently orders Broke Back Mountain in his sleep....


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Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016

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