Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

“Why are geeks so infatuated with medieval siege weapons?”

The answer may seem obvious:

Because anything that can huck a bowling ball, a watermelon, several bags of garbage or your neighbor’s cat more than a quarter mile is just plain AWESOME.

[img_assist|nid=62705|title=|desc=|link=none|align=none|width=213|height=253]

But the truth is, there is a lot more to it than simply launching felines into orbit. Okay, maybe not a LOT more, but there is definitely a little bit more.

With modern weapons there comes a social expectation of maturity and an unspoken expectation of responsibility. You study the weapon, obtain the proper permits and licenses and after you have been checked, cleared, and legally deemed worthy of the privilege, you may finally find and purchase your very own firearm.

There is no horseplay or whooping and hollering as you discharge your weapon in public or brandish it boldly in order to impress your friends – and if there is, you generally aren’t a legal gun owner for very long. With ownership come respect for the weapon, and with that respect comes a sober sense of seriousness. Owning a gun is not an obligation that you take on lightly, and those who do decide to make that purchase are generally more “grown up” than the rest of us and more likely to do things like make their bed or take out the trash without so much as a complaint.

Catapult owners however, NEVER whine about having to take out the trash. Hell, they’ll purposely make MORE trash just so that they *get* to take it out. They’ll also redefine the parameters of what qualifies as actual “trash” when the garbage cans run low.

Why? Because not everyone can or will be “approved” to own a gun. Yet with the magic of the internet, ANYONE can get their mischievous little hands on siege equipment. In fact, catapults, ballista, and trebuchets are things that we can not only easily obtain, but with the right equipment, effort, know-how and proper hiding place away from the prying eyes of the public or a disapproving spouse…

…these are things that we can actually BUILD.

You see, outside of the realm of fantasy and video games, geeks are rarely the truly violent sort. Sure, we might collect exotic weaponry and instruments of war like replica swords, wicked looking ninja stars, or limited edition movie prop longswords, but the truth is: we have NO real clue of how to actually use these things.

That doesn’t mean that we’ll ever ADMIT this, or that we won’t actively brandish them while doing dramatic tucks, rolls and somersaults across the backyard; it just means that if we ever had to TRULY use them, chances are we’d kill ourselves far sooner than we would any assailant. For the most part we simply lack the training, the dedication, and the hand-eye coordination needed in order to master these weapons. So beyond their looking really cool, in our hands they are pretty much useless props that we are about to badly injure ourselves with immediately following an excited cry of “check this out”.

Aside from the occasional gun enthusiast among us, geeks simply have no place or need for “real” weapons. Especially if you have to go downtown in order to get a permit, or take a class on some silly subject like “proper use” or “safety”. And while your replica Braveheart Claymore might solicit oohs and aahs from your peers, a REAL weapon or a REAL firearm is more likely to bring about nervousness, fear, and that five dollars that they’ve owed you for like a year.

But were you to lead your friends into the backyard where you have not only a built-to-scale but *actual working* medieval trebuchet ready to launch? That you’ll let THEM play with?

The Minstrels shall sing of your greatness for many years to come.

[img_assist|nid=62706|title=|desc=|link=none|align=none|width=119|height=331]

As geeks we live in fantasy realms of knights, dragons, castles and keeps – so it goes without saying that any device that could DESTROY those things…

…will instantly become an object of worship. A gun may kill a man in the blink of an eye, but a catapult can huck a cow at him from the next county and make him look up with a split second of dawning comprehension right before he’s hit with a bovine boulder. In the end it is all about finesse, style, and a little bit of awe.

We may no longer be in the age of archaic weapons and siege warfare, but that doesn’t make the marvels of the middle ages any less COOL. We may love castles, but on a grander scale, we love DESTROYING castles even more. Like tying an M-80 to a beloved G.I.JOE action figure, or taping rocket engines to your favorite model car, the more elaborate and more spectacularly you can destroy the things you love…

…the fonder the memory you will have of the object that was destroyed.

I know, it sounds borderline psychotic, but that’s how we’re wired. Really.

So we geeks love medieval siege weapons not because of our love for Dungeons and Dragons or fantasy worlds, but because these devices are powerful, awe inspiring, and can launch a flaming bag of poo onto unsuspecting doorsteps several miles away. They are the ultimate show of force and might coupled with the naughtiness of no longer having a practical purpose…

…unless you count ridding the neighborhood of “Mister Pickles”.

Which of course, we do.

-Coyote