Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

As a living, breathing “Geek God”, I find myself frequently asked to judge someone’s level of “Geekiness”. Mostly from aspiring geeks who hold their transitions to the dork-side of the force as a badge of honor, but occasionally from non-geeks who fear that they might be slipping.

Rather than rehash the genres and types of geek available, or bore you with reassurance and explanation – we’ve devised a list of 50 SURE signs that you are indeed a geek. With no apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, of course, because he has not yet (to date) apologized for his horrible 70’s porn star mustache.

“You might be a Wedgie Neck if…”

If you…

…have ever quoted a Weird Al Yankovic song in a love letter.

…can solve a Rubik’s cube in under a minute, but need a diagram in order to unhook a bra.

…have had a serious discussion, complete with diagrams, on how a “lightsaber” could actually work in the real world.

…once contemplated forming a REAL band with your friends because of your ability to play “Rockband”.

…have ever stepped on a four sided dice while barefoot.

...have been truly angry at a friend for something that he did while playing a video game.

…consider wearing your “good” Superman T-shirt on a date as “dressing up”.

...have faked your own moon landing to prove that it could be done.

…have ever been seriously injured with a foam, wooden, or padded weapon.

…even in jest, have flipped up your cell phone cover while dramatically requesting Scotty to “Beam…me…up…” in bad Shatner tones.

…ever killed your car battery because you had too many devices charging at once. (Blackberry, Laptop, MP3 Player)

…purchased duct tape on impulse, without a purpose for it in mind.

…have ever written “lol” on a piece of paper.

…struck up a conversation in a toy aisle with another adult about your imaginary child so that they didn’t think a grown man looking at “action figures” was odd.

…mixed an arcade token in with the change you were using to pay for something.

…still HAVE arcade tokens.

…played that crappy “bowling” arcade game with the big white roller ball in the middle of it out of sheer boredom and need to play a video game.

…tried to telekinetically move an object with absolute sincerity.

…picked up a non-texting device and had your thumbs instinctively move to the texting position.

…have written erotic fan fiction based on the cast of your favorite television show.

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…refuse to throw away power cord adapters despite the fact that you are 100% certain the device that it went to was destroyed long ago.

…used MMO lingo outside of an MMO to describe a situation. (“Dude, you got agro from that dog!” “We’re waiting on the bus to spawn.” Etc, etc)

…camped outside, overnight for movie tickets.

…rolled up a pen-and-paper RPG character and included stats for breast or reproductive male organ sizes.

…jokingly played dead after being shot with a Nerf gun.

…have ever purchased a coconut for the sole purpose of making hoof beat sounds.

…have been ordered by real world law enforcement to cease and desist use of a potato gun, model rocket engines, or a home-made trebuchet.

…were ever kicked out of a Renaissance Fair for “nit-picking”.

…have googled ANYTHING while using the bathroom.

…wore fake vampire fangs and novelty contacts outside of the house when it was no where near Halloween.

…know that one of your biggest regrets in life revolves around not buying a comic book you were checking out in a store that is now worth thousands of dollars.

…have named a pet after a sci-fi character.

…have named a CHILD after a sci-fi character.

…you immediately recognize the numbers “NC-1710”.

…you immediately recognize that the number is WRONG and were about to correct me.

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…own a stylish carrying case for your asthma inhaler.

…can drink a four pack of Red Bull an hour before bed and still sleep like a baby.

….have ever had a crush on a drawing or comic book character.

…tried to push your hand through a mirror as if it were a portal.

…ever avoided doing something on the basis that “there might be CHUD”.

…are truly more worried about zombie attacks than global warming, the war in the Middle East or the economy.

…have ever filled in your religion as “Jedi” on a ballet.

…can name every “Robin” from the Batman Comics, but not one of your children’s teachers.

…know every color of Kryptonite and the effects that it has on Superman.

…have ever spun really fast in a mirror in hopes of “catching” your reflection doing its own thing.

…have been moderately-to-seriously injured by “The Sky Fire”.

…ever thought that it would be cool to be fluent in Klingon.

…ever hit on someone while playing Dungeons and Dragons.

…wonder to yourself which of your novelty T-Shirts will be stronger in attracting the opposite sex.

…made a fishing joke that involved # 12 piano wire.

Results may vary, but science has proven that if you get:

1-10 – You are not a geek, but may have been bitten by one. Consult a gypsy immediately.

11-20 – You have a moderate to low midichlorian count, and while you definitely have the force within you, you’re more Jar-Jar than Skywalker.

21-30 – Your virginity is going to hold on with both hands, teeth, and not leave you without a long, tear-filled fight.

31-40 – You’re a full-fledged, no questions asked, GEEK! Congrats to you and your mother’s basement! Unless you did the love letter thing. Then seriously…dude.

41-50 - …welcome to the dark fold of the Illuminati. Your powers are great and you maybe be a long lost blood line. Drink now from the ceremonial goblet of Mountain Dew…

50+ …there were only 50 instances, you incredible dumbass.