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“Is their life on other planets?”

You really have to be careful on how you answer this one…

If you come right out and say “Yes”, more likely than not you’ll be branded as a tinfoil hat wearing member of the “something poked my pooper” crowd, and your friends will mock you mercilessly for the rest of your life.

Because these things ALWAYS play out the same exact way:

A bunch of friends are sitting around talking, maybe drinking a little bit as they exchange stories of daring and amazing situations, when some how it turns to the occult. Of ghosts and weird occurrences until finally, the most fruity of the loops in the cereal bowl you call your social life gets all wide eyed as they confide in you that they’ve seen aliens.

Or UFOs…

Or they’ve been abducted, implanted, or the worst of the worst…

Probed.

...back THERE.

However, if you stubbornly and adamantly say “No”, you put yourself in the danger of being labeled an unbeliever and geeks everywhere will call for your immediate death by stoning, which sucks for your, because geeks tend to throw like girls. Which means that your sudden and instant death could go on for DAYS.

Weeks even.

And can you really think of a worse way to shuffle off your mortal coil than to be pummeled to death by light weight rocks, thrown by guys who grunt when they pick them up and then miss with every other throw? I mean sure, we can calculate the piss out of the vectors and trajectories needed in order to kill you, but we’re geeks – which means that we generally lack any ability past what looks good on paper. We’re smart, so we’re not expected to be particularly athletic as well – we out source that shit, which is just further proof of our bigger brains…

But I digress.

Instead of giving opinion on the subject, we’ll instead do the logical thing and look at fact:

There are almost an infinite number of planets in the universe as we know it. (The number is actually calculated to be just six shy of infinity.) And while life as we know it is impossible on the planets that whirl around our own sun like pieces of poo that just won’t flush, the key words here are “as we know it” and “poo”.

The word “Life” comes from the old Latin “Lyfe” which means “adding a Y to a word where a Y doesn’t belong makes it f***ing COOL”. And while that meaning doesn’t necessarily help us understand why we’d use it in reference to organic sentience, it does help us illustrate the point of:

“We have absolutely NO clue about what we are talking about, especially if that something has to do with space.”

We’re not up there, we can’t GET up there easily, and like that one weird kid who always had to wear the Band-Aid over one lens of his glasses…

…when we DO get up there, we never stray far from our own yard.

Everything we know about life, the galaxy, and space, we pretty much guess at and hope that no one up there ever swoops down to prove us wrong, or to point out that we have no clue about what is REALLY up there in front of everyone.

“And the sixth planet from the sun is called Saturn. Thi-”