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Reloading... Ugly Animals and PETA

Posted Wed, Jun 15, 2011 by Ethec

Welcome to the 16th edition of Reloading…

PETA

Apparently, one of my Reloading articles pissed off PETA. Who the hell is PETA? I thought it was a type of Mediterranean sandwich? Well whoever they are, they are upset that I choked my now-dead pet turtle, Donotello. They are also upset that I fed him moldy pizza. I didn't feed him moldy pizza! The pizza became moldy after 3 weeks of him refusing to eat it. I also didn't choke him. He choked himself on the purple bandanna I gave him. How am I responsible for his emo attitude?

Tom Cruise

In addition to the accusations of abuse against my turtle, they are upset that my post contained the picture of the hideously beaten, mangled, and dis-configured dog seen to the right. I will give them this one, I really should be more responsible and not post images of animals beaten so badly you can no longer tell which species they are.

Note however that I said, “I should be more responsible”, and not that I actually will. With that in mind, lets take a look at some recent hideously beaten, and mangled animals!

WoW mount

Oh god! What is it? My eyes are burning! I haven't been able to keep my lunch down since this thing came out. How much nausea deaths can a single digital object caused? 867 adults have been confirmed to die after purchasing this item as a result of withdrawal because they can no longer afford their vice. In addition 4782 confirmed assisted-suicide cases have been filed across the country. When family & friends discover that someone they know spent “REAL MONEY” on this thing, they put them out of their misery. Finally, 382 child deaths have been reported as well, believed to have been caused by parents spending money on imaginary things instead baby food and formula. This is outrageous!

Senator Anthony Weiner has recently become involved in a scandal after the picture to the right was sent from his twitter account. Weiner claims that his Twitter account was hacked, but everyone is confused as to why Weiner won't definitively state rather or not this is a picture of him. Well, I'll clear up the confusion. The truth is, that this isn't a body part of Weiners, but actually a picture of Weiner as a baby. That's not underwear, it's his baby blanket! You see.... Weiner was born a Weiner! How was it not obvious?

Anyways, I'm off to get a new pet! I'm thinking of something awesome like a water dragon! I could totally implant a flame thrower into his throat to make him authentic! What kind of pet do you guys recommend? Hopefully I can find one that wont tick off these pita pocket people anymore.

Until next time,

Kevin "Arxkanite" Pitaeater

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Win One of Two TERA Bags

Are you following TERA? (If not, check out the latest information from E3 to find out why you should be.)

We've got a swag giveaway direct from the TERA booth at E3. Two lucky premium members will win a TERA bag. And that's not all! The Ten Ton Hammer crew picked up plenty of cool stuff at E3 (stuff we'd love to keep, mind you, but we're giving it away 'cuz we're cool like that) and we'll throw a couple of surprise goodies into your TERA bag just for fun.

In addtion to the bag, will you receive a t-shirt, a mouse pad, or some other piece of gamer kitsch that will make you the envy of your friends? Submit to the whims of the Ten Ton Hammer Prize Fairy and find out for yourself.

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I actually wrote this a while ago, but because of E3 the publication order got mixed up. That doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy it... in fact... YOU BETTER!

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