The Witcher 2 Review: Swords, Sex, and Sorcery!

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The sorceress Triss

Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

has caused quite a stir among those in the RPG crowd since its release.
Developed by the Polish game company CD Projekt, style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2
has hit the gaming hordes like a baseball bat to the head. While many
are distracted by the fact that your character can have R-rated sex in the
game, others point to the vibrant world setting, nuanced choice
selection, and mature themes as elements that elevate the RPG model.

The overall plot of the game is that the player plays as Geralt, a
Witcher (monster hunter) who has been falsely accused of murdering his
king. Geralt must seek out the real assassin to clear his name, and by
doing so, becomes embroiled in epic plots and conflicts that effect
entire kingdoms. Is style="font-style: italic;">The Witcher 2
the new single-player RPG king? Read on and find out!


is rated M for Mature. The game contains a lot of foul language, some gore, nudity,
and sexual situations (R rated, not X).

Gameplay - 90 / 100

The gameplay of style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2
is fantastic with a few caveats. To begin, this isn’t your
typical fantasy RPG game. This game is a fully mature, adult game and
it uses those themes to the hilt. The world of style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2
feels authentic, lived-in, and alive. NPCs go about their daily lives
no matter what you’re doing. Wait too long to visit the
merchant and you’ll find yourself staring at a closed shop,
forced to wait until the next day to transact your business. As you
walk around, conversations abound and there’s plenty of salty
language to be found in them. While I wouldn’t call the tone
of the game tawdry or sordid, I would call it bawdy and earthy. While
the game is fantasy, its base is that of the late medieval period and
the devs get the feel and tone of that period right. (I have a medieval
history degree.) Lords have tremendous power over those who are beneath
them socially. Fair trials are not a given if the local lord wishes to
dispose of you. The political intrigues between rival kingdoms, not to
mention the problems of monastic succession and the threat of civil war
between various noble houses really set the tone of near anarchy
throughout the land.

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The world of Witcher 2 is
incredibly immersive and alive.

The greatest strength of the game is the quests and the choices
available to you in them. While you can finish the game in about 16-20
hours if you focus exclusively on the main plot (and are damn good at
the fighting), there are dozens of side quests for you to undertake and
flesh out the world. Even better are the choices you're presented with
during those quests. Most RPGs have a clear cut good or bad choice for
you to make. Here the choices are much more nuanced. You might have to
decide to back one faction over another, but yet each faction might
have legitimate reasons for you to take their side. There are choices
that look good or bad, but can end up having the opposite consequences.
You can be a good guy, but still be a bonafide prick. Early on you can save a
group of innocent people from being burned alive, but you can then
demand payment for your services. They’ll complain about how
they’re poor, and one of the options given to you is,
“Poor don’t mean broke.” At that point,
you can opt punch one of the poor bastards in the gut and force them to pay up.

The choices you make do have consequences. Piss one guy off and he
might send killers after you later on. Make a good impression or help a
person out and they might return the favor later on in the game. There
are plenty of repercussions for your actions, so it’s a good
thing that you’re a bad-ass.

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Combat in the game is

Combat is fluid, dynamic, and deadly. You will live in mortal fear of
being flanked, because if enemy attacks you from behind, you're dead. You will do quite a
bit of dodging and parrying, not to mention setting up traps and
snares, to survive the brutal combat found in the game. You are also
able to cast a small number of spells ranging from a protective shield
to shooting fire at your foes.

On the negative side, combat can be aggravating. It took me awhile to
learn that I can't parry if I don't have any Vigor.
Attacking the wrong foe may move you out of position, allowing you to
get flanked. You will die…a lot. Get used to it. I stopped
counting the number of times that I died during the tutorial. Yes, I
said tutorial. I got angry, I got enraged, and I practically broke my
keyboard punching it in frustration….but I kept coming back.
Combat is insanely deadly through most of the game. Towards the end of
the game, combat becomes much easier due to the fact of your increased
abilities. So much easier, in fact, that this is a slight knock on the

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The game recreates the gritty
late medieval period in costume, architecture, and attitude.

Combat leads us to the biggest negative of the game. In most games,
you’re gently led through the mechanics and gradually
introduced to the game setting and plots. In style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2,
you’re thrown into the deep end of the pool at the very
beginning. While there are hints that pop up, you’ll do a lot
of trial and error. Make sure to look at your journal (J) and click on
the “tutorial” icon for all the help hints given
out. It’s pretty much like signing up for flight lessons and,
on your first day, you’re told to take the controls and fly
the plane yourself. Make sure you read the href="">manual
for all the pertinent
info and check your journal entries often. As an added bonus, they’re well
written and fun to read.

I must point out that there is sex in the game, and this gets a lot of fanboys (and possibly their parents)
fanboys in a dither. Yes, you can sleep with prostitutes and some
female NPCs. (A friend of mine confided to me that he
couldn’t afford better gear because he spent all his money on
whores!) By doing so, you’ll be treated to a short
cutscene of the activity in question. These cutscenes are R-rated in
nature. Personally, I feel that they add to the game . Rather than becoming a distraction, the game's treatment of adult themes reinforces the earthiness of the game and contributes to its immersive nature.

Graphics - 95 / 100

The graphics in style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2
are gorgeous. The world, while somewhat dreary looking with run down
villages and crumbling ruins, is incredibly detailed and colorful. The
architecture looks realistic and is simply beautiful in places. The
outfits worn by the NPCs are representative of the time period and look
incredible. I found myself staring at the multi-patterned and
multi-colored clothes on the NPCs a great deal of the time in
admiration while talking to them. The armor is especially well-done and
looks authentic. There’s none of that nonsense
cybernetic-post-apocalyptic-football style of armor found in most other
games. The armor found in style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2
looks both real and damn cool. The monsters, from dragons to trolls to
undead, look amazing.

Overall, the graphics really help immerse you into the gritty world of style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2.
From castles to villages to wilderness areas, the game is incredibly
detailed and looks lived-in. You get the sense that a lot of history
has occurred before you arrived on the scene.

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Armor that looks realistic and
cool? Anime fans may want to look away.

Sound - 95 / 100

The sound in style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2
is a major strength of the game, helping to immerse you more fully into
the fantasy world that's been created. From the clashing of swords,
growls from various monsters, and the chatter of NPCs as they go about
their business, the sounds really draw you into the setting. I spent a
lot of time just wandering around and listening to the conversations
between the NPCs for fun, and it’s not just conversations.
Hearing a bawdy song or a tale being told really makes the setting come
alive. The voice over work in the game is extremely well done. I
couldn’t find any fault with the voice acting in the game. My
only nitpick with the voice acting would be that it didn’t
always sync up with the animation, a casualty of the game's localization. Likewise, the background music is well done, but can become repetitive
over time.

Value - 90 / 100

Witcher 2
has good value for
its price. If you don't concentrate
solely on the main plot, there are countless hours of gameplay to be
had. The game is detailed, nuanced, but most of all, it is style="font-weight: bold;">FUN.
I haven’t been this engrossed in a game in over a decade.
There have been times when I told myself that I’ll do just
one more thing before I go to bed, and then, hours later,
I’ll look over at my window and realize that the sun is
coming up.

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You'll find plenty of things
to swing a sword at during your travels.

The game can be frustrating, but the hallmark of a great game is that
you’ll come back again and again despite the difficulty. I
damn near broke my keyboard a few times when combat was especially hard
and my throat got hoarse from yelling too much when the parry key
didn’t register, resulting in my death. However, after I
cooled down, I came back like an addict to his dealer and began again.
I have no shame.

A final note is that CD Projekt has said that all DLC for style="font-style: italic;">The Witcher 2
will be free to all registered users. They’ve already
released one quest so far. If they release more DLC in the future, then
the value just goes up.

Lasting Appeal - 90 / 100

You will want to play style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2
again after you finish the game for the first time. There are so many
choices to be made in the game, players will want to replay through the
game and see what happens if they make different choices. There are 16
different endings for the game, with the assumption that there are
probably around 4 real endings that are substantially different with
the remainder having minor differences from those 4. Plus, players will
want to try out one of the 3 different skill trees to be found in the
game to see how that impacts the gameplay. Overall, you won’t
play this game through once and then delete it from your hard drive.
Plus, there’s the promise of future DLC and expansion packs.

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How dangerous can a forest be?

Pros and Cons


  • Immersive game world that
    feels real and lived-in
  • Fully functional prostitutes
  • Choices that
    aren’t clear-cut good or evil, making for nuanced gameplay
  • Rich graphics and voice
    acting draws you in
  • You can have sex with
  • Multiple endings that depend
    upon your choices
  • Choices have consequences
  • Did I mention that you can
    have sex with prostitutes?


  • No gradual ramping up into
    gameplay – You’re thrown into the deep end of the
    pool right away
  • Combat is unforgiving for
    most of the game
  • Game does become easier
    towards the end with your character becoming very powerful
  • No bank or storage devices
    for your excess inventory
  • You will lose sleep while
    playing this game


While there are some flaws in style="font-style: italic;">The
Witcher 2,
this is the best game that I’ve played in over a decade and
breathes new life into the moribund single-player RPG. With its
immersive world setting, nuanced choices that aren’t clear
cut good or evil, and large number of quests to eat up all your free
time (and more!), style="font-style: italic;">Witcher 2
has become the game to beat in the RPG market. The game is engrossing,
frustrating, rewarding, and, most of all, fun! If BioWare
doesn’t look out, there’ll be a new RPG sheriff in
town and he’ll have a Polish accent.

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The Witcher 2 is an adult game
with adult themes...and hot computer babes.

Overall 92/100 - Outstanding


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