The Witcher 2 Review: Swords, Sex, and Sorcery!

Game:The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings
Ten Ton Hammer
Ten Ton Hammer Rating

Value - 90 / 100

The Witcher 2 has good value for its price. If you don't concentrate solely on the main plot, there are countless hours of gameplay to be had. The game is detailed, nuanced, but most of all, it is FUN. I haven’t been this engrossed in a game in over a decade. There have been times when I told myself that I’ll do just one more thing before I go to bed, and then, hours later, I’ll look over at my window and realize that the sun is coming up.

witcher 2
You'll find plenty of things to swing a sword at during your travels.

The game can be frustrating, but the hallmark of a great game is that you’ll come back again and again despite the difficulty. I damn near broke my keyboard a few times when combat was especially hard and my throat got hoarse from yelling too much when the parry key didn’t register, resulting in my death. However, after I cooled down, I came back like an addict to his dealer and began again. I have no shame.

A final note is that CD Projekt has said that all DLC for The Witcher 2 will be free to all registered users. They’ve already released one quest so far. If they release more DLC in the future, then the value just goes up.

Lasting Appeal - 90 / 100

You will want to play Witcher 2 again after you finish the game for the first time. There are so many choices to be made in the game, players will want to replay through the game and see what happens if they make different choices. There are 16 different endings for the game, with the assumption that there are probably around 4 real endings that are substantially different with the remainder having minor differences from those 4. Plus, players will want to try out one of the 3 different skill trees to be found in the game to see how that impacts the gameplay. Overall, you won’t play this game through once and then delete it from your hard drive. Plus, there’s the promise of future DLC and expansion packs.

witcher 2
How dangerous can a forest be?

Pros and Cons

  • Immersive game world that feels real and lived-in
  • Fully functional prostitutes
  • Choices that aren’t clear-cut good or evil, making for nuanced gameplay
  • Rich graphics and voice acting draws you in
  • You can have sex with prostitutes
  • Multiple endings that depend upon your choices
  • Choices have consequences
  • Did I mention that you can have sex with prostitutes?
  • No gradual ramping up into gameplay – You’re thrown into the deep end of the pool right away
  • Combat is unforgiving for most of the game
  • Game does become easier towards the end with your character becoming very powerful
  • No bank or storage devices for your excess inventory
  • You will lose sleep while playing this game


While there are some flaws in The Witcher 2, this is the best game that I’ve played in over a decade and breathes new life into the moribund single-player RPG. With its immersive world setting, nuanced choices that aren’t clear cut good or evil, and large number of quests to eat up all your free time (and more!), Witcher 2 has become the game to beat in the RPG market. The game is engrossing, frustrating, rewarding, and, most of all, fun! If BioWare doesn’t look out, there’ll be a new RPG sheriff in town and he’ll have a Polish accent.

witcher 2
The Witcher 2 is an adult game with adult themes...and hot computer babes.

Overall 92/100 - Outstanding


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