Ten Ton Hammer

  • Darkmoon Faire, with our without the carnies.
    Blizzard has unveiled information on Darkmoon Faires, which appears to be a sort of travelling vendor system for World of WarCraft. Fundamentalist leaders were quick to denounce everything, including the

    "A gathering of the exotic from around the world and beyond, Silas Darkmoon has brought together the Darkmoon Faire as a celebration of the wondrous and mysterious found in Azeroth. While the Faire spends most of their time in parts unknown, they do stop from time to time in Mulgore and Elwynn forest. When the faire is on its way, barkers will stop by Orgrimmar and Ironforge to announce its arrival."

    You can read the Darkmoon Faired Article on The Official Site.

    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
  • New EVE content is around the next moon.
    EVE Online promises some large scale changes in their patch notes. Madonna still shows no interest in commenting on reports her religious
    beliefs draw heavily from the following texts:

    "The summer solstice fast approaches, and its arrival means that the long, hard Arctic winter is about to enter its slumber. Cold as it was, we worked feverishly on projects so secret that not even their names have been whispered in public - Until now!
    So get ready for a new content patch, a new type of EVE updates from CCP that is much larger in scope than a regular patch and yet smaller than a full expansion. It is our great pleasure to introduce to you the Cold War Edition."

    You can read the entire EVE Online Update at the Official Site.

    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
  • Guild Wars, reviewed yet again, but with a twist.
    Firing Squad has reviewed Guild Wars. Legal theorists are at a complete loss to explain as to why Jay Leno would
    have to testify as to the following:

    "Rushing to pick the game up, complete with the little EB special weapon, I logged in, created a few characters, wandered around, read about the introduction and how the real gameplay doesn’t begin until after the searing (typically level 3-6). After that, I could group with 4 or more people on missions and quests as I leveled my way to 20, which was only the first half of the game – then I could continue gathering skills, defend my guild hall or attack others’. Those times when my guild wasn’t on, I could adventure with AI compatriots.

    By the end of my first night, I was bored to tears."

    You can read the entire Guild Wars Review at Firing Squad.

    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
  • Romans in space.
    VoxPlebis has posted some new Imperator screenshots. Some fashion experts appear to agree that the new "black" is pink, the old "yellow" is the new green, and the new "tall" is short based on the following:

    "Three Imperator screenshots for your visual gratification."

    You can view the Imperator Screenshots at VoxPlebis.

    Images, Media
    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
  • Can you believe they've been asked 37 times?
    EverQuest Vault has posted the 37th edition of their Ask SoE Column. Combined with appropriate exercise, we're certain that reading the
    following will give you rock hard 6-pack abs in only minutes a day

    "Part of the changes coming to spells and combat arts is to adjust how much damage the various classes do in relation to each other. Can you tell us how the different subclasses will rank in relative damage potential?"

    You can read the entire Ask SoE #37 at EverQuest Vault.

    Features, Interviews
    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
  • Rent a Toon.
    Wired has posted an article about the GamePal service that rents out characters in MMOGs. North Korean leader (Forever Plus a Day) Kim Jong-il proudly announced
    plans to erect a 500 foot tall golden statue of himself bearing the following inscription:

    "Want to play massively multiplayer online games, but don't want to spend time building up your character's stats? A new service launched Tuesday gives anyone the ability to bypass the countless hours it can take to advance deep into online games like World of Warcraft by renting the use of such characters by the month."

    You can read the entire Rent a Character Article at Wired.

    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
  • Pictures Roman all over the place.
    Some new Gods and Heroes screenshots are posted on the Official Site.
    You can view the new Gods and Heroes Screenshots at The Official Site.

    Images, Media
    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
  • A look-see at AC.
    Techgage has posted their preview of Asheron's Call: Throne of Destiny. Diet gurus were reluctant to explain why you could actually lose weight
    while you sleep provided you read the following for 20 minutes every day:

    "AC originally launched in November of 1999, and up to now, have only one other expansion pack under their belt. Dark Majesty, the games first expansion pack, released in August of 2001, and is responsible for some of the land mass players roam in today. That expansion pack also launched player housing, where players could have a humble abode to call their own. You may be wondering why Turbine only released 1 expansion pack over the period 6 years, while such other companies like to release a new expansion pack per month. Well, I have no idea. But, to keep players happy, Turbine has released new content with a monthly patch, which well than made up for a complete expansion pack."

    You can read the entire Asheron's Call: Throne of Destiny Preview at TechGage.

    Features, Previews
    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
  • All patched up.
    The Camelot Herald has the details of the latest Dark Age of Camelot patch. Our calls to Buckingham Palace to confirm that Prince Charles wiggled his

    ears and raised his eyebrows almost imperceptibly upon hearing the
    following were
    left unreturned:

    "As our players know, the community in any online game is of paramount importance to enjoyable gameplay. The backbone of that community is contained in the player guilds and alliances in the game. As such, after discussions with our community, we have focused this patch on improvements and revisions to our player guild system. We also know that artifact durability and the availablity of single line respecs are a concern for our players. We have listened to your feedback on these issues and present new systems in these areas in this patch."

    You can read the entire Dark Age of Camelot Patch Notes at The Camelot Herald.

    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
  • Super Happy Fun MMOG.
    3DGamers has the E3 movie for Phantasy Star Universe online for your downloading pleasure. It remains a mystery to us that the Artist Formerly Known as Prince

    promptly changed his name to the following:

    "Phantasy Star Universe is an anime-inspired fantasy role-playing game in production at Sonic Team and Sega Entertainment. Our game section for this title is now online, serving up a collection of officially released screenshots for download and online scrutiny, as well as the high-resolution E3 movie that outlines the game's premise in a minute of cinematic and gameplay footage."

    You can download the Phantasy Star Universe Movie at 3DGamers.

    Video, Media
    Fri, Jun 24, 2005
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