Confessions of a Forum Junkie

A Guide to Official Forum Safety

By: Savanja

 

We've all been there; sweaty palms, fluttering heart, and an almost imperceptible twitch to the eye. You are drawn there by an invisible force, almost completely unexplained. Nothing in this universe can keep you away, and yet you aren't sure you can bear to look. You are about to make that step into the exciting and dangerous territory called...

The Official Forums.

AHHHH!!!

It's okay, we won't make you go. Uncover you eyes, unsqueeze your legs, and come sit with me a minute my friend. Miss Savanja has a little tale to tell and the answers to your secret woes.

If you've been around the gaming block, then you likely already know, any official forum (forums owned by the company that has produced the game you are playing) can be a volatile place. I lost my own Official Forum virginity with the Lineage II launch. I stumbled in there looking for some information, made the dire mistake of posting my thoughts on a hot topic, and the rest is a blur of screaming, crying, and virtual hair pulling.

Where did I go wrong? Pretty much everywhere. I was young and reckless and thought that I could just post topics and read threads all willy nilly. How much of a noob could I be?

Luckily for all of you, my amusing follies can be your savior. So that other forum noobs don't fall victim to sensual glow of threads unread, we have here, the top 6 things you need to know (or maybe didn't need to know but they made me giggle) before visiting an official gaming forum.

 

6. "No man can eat fifty eggs" - Tre Cool

Wiser words were never spoken and while I'm pretty sure Tre wasn't talking about forums (It's a reference to Cool Hand Luke), the idea still applies. Official Forums can move at a mad pace. Pick a forum or two to browse and keep up with, don't even attempt to take it all in at once because you'll surely just confuse yourself. Too much of a good thing generally just leads to regret and vomit.

5. Check your bags at the door please!

We all have scars and heartbreak from past gaming relationships. Are you a survivor of the famed NGE? It's time to let it go and maybe NOT bring it up on every single forum that you post on. Put it in a bubble and blow it away; I promise you will be a much more pleasant forum goer.

4. But I'm a dyslexic, overweight, blind, hermaphrodite!

I'm not sure what it is with forums. Maybe it's the comfort of knowing that you're baring your personal life in a intimate group of hundreds of thousands total strangers, or maybe it's just the soothing warmth of black text. Some people always feel the need to share it all. Not only that, they use it like a politically correct baseball bat in arguments:

"Omfg, u r so ghey"

"*gasp* I cannot believe you used "ghey" as a personal insult! My father's boyfriend's brother is gay and I'll have you know that he is a gamer that completely disagrees with your idea/opinion/stance too!"

On a gaming forum, we are all gamers. There are therapists that are paid to listen to that crap, check your local Yellow Page listings for more info.

3. Keep your hands inside the ride at all times.

Forum goers tend to be the most passionate fans of any give game, and by "passionate" I mean scary rabid. Feel free to get into lively debates and thought provoking conversations, but run when you start seeing an unusual amount of capital letters and long strings of punctuation, these seem to be the early warning sign of the beast about to strike.

2. No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service.

Preferably all flame retardant. Ya don't leap into a pool of angry sharks with out good gear and a shark cage, the same thought applies to official forums. Remember, this is where all the angry players come to inflict textual pain on the game makers! Don't get caught in the cross fire, bring thick skin and a bucket of witty retorts.

1. Laughter lowers the blood pressure!

The absolute most important thing to take to any forum is your sense of humor. It's a game kids, and games are meant to be somewhat fun. If you feel your panties getting all twisted up, then step away and get some perspective! Or go up to your dark and creepy attic and perform voodoo curses on other forum goers. Whatever works. We don't judge.

 

Not all forums are suited to everyone, and there is no shame in ditching one set and finding another to browse. If the official forums are still a little scary for you, you can always visit the Ten Ton Hammer forums. We have less rage, guys in loin clothes, and free cookies along with our amazing (mostly drama free) community. Give us a visit and say "Hello!" sometime!

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Disclaimer: The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the Ten Ton Hammer network or staff.

 


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Last Updated: Mar 29, 2016

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