Ten Ton Hammer - Taking MMO Gamers to the Next Level!

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A big round of clap for Neddie who once again sent in enough crazy story lead-ins that I didn't need to bore you with the old ones.
A second round of clap for Kim who sent in not one, not two, but three stories that made it into Loading... today.
Now on to the real world, you can't make this stuff up.

• Mature Ratings on Games Makes Kids Want to Buy Them
  
  In other shocking news kids like candy and water is wet.
• Southern Baptists End 8-Year Disney Boycott
  
  Disney responds, "Boycott?"
• 3 Million Year Old Zoo Found
  
  Detectives still unable to find Duke Nukem Forever.
• Waiters Fired For Being French
  
  Gross insubordination and drinking wine on the job irrelevant.
• Disgruntled Tennis Players?
  
  Serena Williams - "I am going to carry on grunting. It's not my business to control what people think."
• Bomb Squad Detonates Treasure Hunt Package
  
  Explosion creates 1,000,000 little GPS prizes for the hunters.